


I may have forgotten you, but I can never forget you

by fromstarlighttodust



Series: Remember, Love, Forget, Repeat. [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Amnesiac Eren Yeager, Eren is so abused he doesn't realize he's abused anymore, Eren just forgot, I used those tags but not those spellings oh well, I'm Sorry, Levi is lowkey super sadist, Levi is trying his best, Levi might be a bigger mess than Eren, M/M, Promise, Self-Harm, Snow and hail and ice, and then there was winter, angst like it was my job, but only to those who hurt his Eren, but she's so supportive, but there is some sunshine peaking through, hanji might be an angel, it will get better, just can't keep her mouth shut, pray for the tv, she might also have a death wish, smut... oops, the calm before the storm, they're married y'all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-08
Updated: 2017-07-24
Packaged: 2018-11-11 09:09:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 40
Words: 75,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11145345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fromstarlighttodust/pseuds/fromstarlighttodust
Summary: AU where Levi is a Yakuza boss, married to a very persistent Eren. Unfortunately Levi failed to protect his husband, leading the younger man to be abducted by Levi's family's biggest enemy, the MP. After months of torture, Eren receded into his mind, forgetting everything from before the months in the warehouse where the MP kept him. When Levi finally manages to rescue him, how will the couple recover when Eren can't remember the relationship they had shared and is plagued by the trauma of his captivity? Not to mention Levi could never have been accused of having 'a light touch'.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the second work in this series is a prequel to this fic, just as a heads up in case anyone wants to read it that way.

    ‘I don’t know what day it is. I don’t know how long I’ve been here. I don’t know where here is. I don’t know what’s outside these four walls. I don’t know who is keeping me here. I don’t know my own name. I don’t know if I care to know who I used to be. If I remember who that is I might miss that person. The ones that keep coming every day might hurt me more if I remember. It’s better to forget. I know I used to know others. They are like a fog in mind, all that is left of them are hazy feelings and light warmth. But I should forget those to, after all, the memory of those things are what makes me fight and fighting is what makes them hurt me. I don’t want to be hurt anymore. When they come back, I’ll be good. I’ll be obedient. I’ll let them take what they want and I won’t fight back. I’ll let them wipe away those foggy memories and take the very last of who I used to be and maybe then they will stop hurting me. Maybe then they will be kind and gentle... No, I shouldn’t wish for them to change. Rather, maybe then I will become accustomed to what they give me.’

  
    Folding a small slip of paper, the young man looked at the blank four walls around him. He could hear footsteps approaching from outside the doorway so he patiently spread his legs and looked expectantly at the door. Either it would be the men that came to hurt him every day or it would be the older man who would take his writings and tell him he was a good boy for writing every time he was given the paper. Which ever it was, his posture would be appreciated. The men that hurt him would take it as acceptance of the acts they were about to commit and hurt him less and the old man would take it as submission and appreciate the gesture. No matter what, he would be in a better place taking up an accepting pose.

  
    Suddenly it occurred to him that he hadn’t been visited by anyone in quite a few days. He realized that his stomach was protesting the lack of food. Maybe they would feed him before they took what they wanted...

  
    The door slammed open. Standing there, panting slightly was a man the young man hadn’t ever seen before. Or... had he? Something in the back of his mind flickered, but the young man shook his head to clear the slight recognition. He lowered his eyes and held out the paper. When the man didn’t take it the young man realized that he must not be looking for the scribblings so he lowered his head further in submission and spread his legs wider, hoping the man wouldn’t punish him for mistaking him for someone wanting the paper instead of someone who wanted his body.

  
    “Eren...?” The man’s voice sounded almost weak and the young man flinched slightly, wondering what that word was. He hadn’t heard it before... he thinks. It was probably something bad. Something that hadn’t been said since before he gave up fighting. So something really bad. The young man prepared himself for the worst.  
    He could hear the man approaching. Slowly, black boots came into his line of sight. He prepared himself to receive a blow. But some time passed before the man instead spoke again. “Eren, don’t you recognize me?”

  
    “I’m sorry, I didn’t remember you. I thought you wanted the paper I didn’t mean to offend you, please don’t...hurt... me...” The young man felt tears in his eyes but he quickly blinked them away, knowing crying would just get him in more trouble.

  
    “Eren...” Suddenly there was a brush of fabric around his shoulders. Out of the corner of his eyes, he recognized it as the man’s jacket now hanging against the young man’s bare skin. He stared at the edge of the coat in wonder, unable to place the last time he had clothing touching his back.

  
    “Levi! Did you find him?” A voice called from the door.

  
    The young man’s eyes shot up as he heard the name. Levi... that sounded so familiar... He saw a woman standing in the door, her grin fading as her eyes landed on him. He immediately looked back down at the floor.

  
    “Hanji. There’s something wrong with him,” The man, Levi, said. His words were short and curt, but his voice strained ever so slightly, almost as if he was trying to cover fear.

  
    The woman called Hanji slowly walked forward and knelt in front of the young man. “Hey, do you recognize us?”

  
    Slowly the young man shook his head, despite yet another flicker in the back of his mind.

  
    “Can you tell me your name?” She asked gently.

  
    Again, he shook his head. She slowly took the paper from his hand and her brow furrowed as she read it. The she handed it up to Levi who made a small, strangled sound.

  
    “Hanji...” Levi now almost choked on the word.

  
    She shook her head sharply and stood back up. “Not now, Levi. Right now we have to get out of here. It looks like they cleared out, but they left him so they might be coming back. Come on, Eren, we’re bringing you home.”

  
    As she said it, she offered her hand to the young man who stared blankly at her. “H-home?” He gasped out, his vocal cords feeling frozen, unsure of such a strange but familiar word.

  
    She nodded and the young man slowly took her hand and allowed her to pull him to his feet where he immediately almost toppled, finding himself caught in the arms of Levi. Though shorter than the young man, Levi held him steady with little effort.

  
    “Your name is Eren. Eren Jaeger. And I will take care of you now,” Levi said, carefully scooping the young man into his arms and carrying him like he weighed nothing.

  
    As they made their way out of the building, Eren found himself blinded by the light outside. “Who...” Eren whispered as he closed his eyes against the light.

  
    “Who are we?” Levi asked and Eren nodded his head. Levi deposited Eren into the back seat of a car and climbed in with him, Hanji getting into the front.

  
    Levi sat back against the seat and ran his had down his face as Hanji started the car and began to drive away from the building they had exited.

  
    “I am Levi Ackerman. I am your... I am...” Levi’s jaw clenched and he turned he head away from Eren. “I know you.” He finally muttered.

  
    “Zoe Hanji. Just Hanji, if you will. We are friends, Eren. You might not remember us now, but I promise we will help you get your memories back and we will keep you safe, okay?” Hanji smiled gently and glanced at Eren in the rear view mirror.

  
    The rest of the car ride was silent, but Eren could see Levi’s knuckles were white as he gripped the door and his teeth were clenched tightly together as he stared out the window. Hanji seemed much more relaxed as she pulled the car into a long driveway.

  
    When they pulled up to a large house, Eren could see a petite, blonde young man standing on the steps. Hanji got out of the car first and walked up to the blonde, said something to him and he nodded hesitantly before retreating into the house. Levi scooped Eren into his arms again and carried him inside, straight up a flight of stairs and deposited him on a large, soft bed.

  
    Eren instinctively pushed himself onto his knees and spread his legs in a submissive position. Levi looked at him for a long moment before turning to a dresser in the room and taking out a t-shirt and pajama pants, placing them on the bed in front of Eren.

  
    “I’m not going to touch you, Eren.” He said quietly, his voice straining again. “Put on those clothes and try to sleep. I’ll bring you something to eat later.”

  
    With that, he turned and walked briskly from the room, leaving Eren alone. Slowly, he pushed himself from the bed and put on the clothes left out for him. They fit strangely well, telling Eren they didn’t belong to Levi, who was a much smaller man. He noted that Levi had left the door cracked open, giving Eren privacy but not confining him in the room. Despite the jacket Levi had draped him in being much too small for Eren’s broader shoulders, he wrapped it around himself again, feeling somehow safe wrapped in the fabric.

  
    He looked at the bed, knowing Levi told him to try to sleep, but he felt wide awake. He instead began to browse through the books on a nearby bookshelf until his eyes settled on a photo. In it was himself, Levi, Hanji, the blonde from earlier and a pretty girl with shoulder length black hair. The five of them were smiling at the camera, Hanji with her arms draped around Eren and Levi, laughing.

  
    He picked up the photo, somehow feeling nostalgic looking at it. He ran his fingers over the thin glass holding the picture in the frame and slowly held it to his chest. Maybe these were the people that were obscured by haze in what was left of his memory. If this photo was any indication, he definitely had some sort of connection to them.

  
    Eren climbed into the big bed, pulling the coat further around his frame and holding the photo tightly in his hands. It was like this that he drifted to sleep, feeling warm and content for the first time in he didn’t know how long, despite the confusion in his mind.


	2. Chapter 2

“Levi... It will be alright, we will fix Eren,” Hanji placed a cup of tea on the desk in front of Levi, looking at him with worry.

  
Levi looked at the cup blankly, knowing that despite his face holding its usual impartial expression, Hanji had worked for him long enough to be able to read the emotions in his eyes. She was more than a subordinate, more like a friend, not that he would ever admit that out loud.

  
“Have you gotten any success tracking them?” He asked instead of allowing himself to dwell on the young man sleeping in the bed upstairs.

  
“No luck yet, unfortunately. When the MP left that warehouse we couldn’t find them. We will find them though, it will just take some time. Now we should focus on Eren. With the data we found left in that warehouse it seems they worked him over pretty good...” Her voice faded out as she saw Levi’s jaw clench.

  
“They will pay for hurting him,” He said in the low and deadly tone that always came before actions that had earned him the title of humanity’s strongest man.

  
“They will, Heichou,” Hanji’s gaze turning steely, anger apparent in her voice. As she watched Levi brood, her eyes softened again and she placed a hand on his shoulder. “Why didn’t you tell him you were his husband?”

  
Levi’s gaze shot to her sharply for a moment before turning back to the cup on the table and he picked it up, bringing it to his lips to take a sip before answering. “I brought him into this world and it lead to him being taken from me and tortured until it was safer to forget me and everything else that came with me. I don’t want to tie him back down to me. After we know he is safe and won’t be targeted again, we will let him go back to his old life, let him continue to forget me. I am Yakuza, but that doesn’t mean he has to lead this life anymore. It is now painfully apparent that I can’t protect him,” Levi’s jaw clenched so hard he feared he might break a few teeth before he managed to continue. “I will file for divorce once I know that he is safe.”

  
Hanji’s hand on his shoulder tightened it’s grip. “Maybe after we recover his memories, you should let him make that choice, Levi.”

  
Levi sighed, taking another sip of tea. “Go through what we recovered from the warehouse. I want to know what they did to him as well as if they left any clue of how we can find them.”

  
“Yes, Heichou,” Hanji stood straight and turned to leave the room.

  
“And send Armin to me,” Levi added and Hanji waved slightly, acknowledging his statement.

  
A few minutes later, the blonde man who had been on the steps of the mansion earlier appeared in Levi’s study, standing straight and at attention.

  
“You called for me, Heichou?” He said stiffly.

  
“I need you to summon Mikasa. Tell her we have recovered Eren. Bring Jean to take over her surveillance post while she is here at the mansion. But bring her here to me before she sees him. We must talk about him,” Levi gave out orders, keeping his demeanor stiff as the head of a Yakuza family speaking to a subordinate.  
As Armin bowed and left, Levi felt himself sink back into his chair. In his mind he could so clearly see the happy, smiling face of his younger husband. The face of a young man that never once flinched at the idea of loving someone like Levi. The face of a person who pursued Levi, despite his intimidating face and reputation until Levi broke and agreed to date the vibrant light that was Eren Jaeger. The face that had glowed so brightly on the day they exchanged vows as husbands and the face that had soothed Levi’s tension and made him feel at ease.

  
That was not the face that Levi had found in the small unfurnished room in the back of the warehouse. The face he had found was the face of a broken man who no longer recognized Levi or anyone else that he had loved. And despite how much that hurt deep inside Levi, he realized that it was for the better this way. The MP, a rival and much larger group, had managed to get their hands on Eren while Levi was away on business and if Levi couldn’t protect his most precious person, it was better to let Eren return to the life of someone who wasn’t associated with the Yakuza. It was easier this way. If Eren couldn’t remember their marriage then it would be easier for him to leave Levi.

  
Levi sighed again and tried to focus on the papers on his desk and not think about the face drained of all it’s vibrance up stairs in what used to be their bed. He tried not to imagine what those damned MPs had done to his Eren while Levi couldn’t find them, let alone save him. After a few minutes of struggle, he decided to bring Eren food because his mind wouldn’t let him focus on anything but the fact that the posture Eren had taken in the warehouse as well as later in their bed could only suggest he had been raped repeatedly, to the point that he both expected and accepted that it was a daily reality. Levi’s face hardened into the mask of “Heichou” and he walked with purpose down to the kitchen.

  
  
``~`**`~``

  
  
Eren stirred, hearing a voice calling his name. As he opened his eyes, he saw Levi standing by the side of the bed, with a tray in his hands. The smell of food hit him and his stomach gave an appreciative growl. For a second, he could have sworn he saw a smile quirk the corner of Levi’s lips before he set the tray down on the bed side table.

  
“I see you found the photo. Do you remember the other two in it?” Levi asked, as Eren tore into the food on the tray and shook his head.

  
“The man is Armin. You and he are particularly close. The woman is Mikasa. She is your sister. She will be here later. They both work for me,” Levi took a seat on a chair near the side of the bed.

  
“Oh... I... I can’t remember...” Eren looked down, feeling a little frustrated that he couldn’t remember the people who obviously knew him so well.

  
“It’s fine. Those people in the warehouse did awful things to you to make you forget. I will not forgive them for that, but now I won’t leave your side until we know they wont come after you again and you can resume your... previous life,” Levi’s voice began to strain again as he finished speaking.

  
A silence fell over them as Eren tried to remember, failing. Finally he observed Levi, casually sitting with his legs crossed and hands folded. He looked so neat sitting there, Eren couldn’t help but admire his appearance. His eyes caught the sight of a wedding band wrapping around Levi’s finger.

  
“You’re married,” Eren said, motioning to the hands folded in Levi’s lap. “Do I know your wife, too?”

  
Levi visibly stiffened. “You don’t have to worry about my partner.”

  
Eren’s eyes widened slightly and he looked like he was about to ask more questions on the subject before he finally spoke again. “What do you do?”

  
“I am Yakuza,” Levi said simply.

  
Eren’s eyes widened further and he whistled. “Well, damn. I know Yakuza?”

  
“Clearly,” Levi raised one eyebrow.

  
“Am I Yakuza?” Eren asked.

  
“By association,” Levi tensed a little again.

  
Eren fell silent for a while, looking down at his lap before he finally whispered. “Did those people take me because I know Yakuza?”

  
This time Levi’s entire body went absolutely rigid before he answered. “Yes.”

  
Eren’s eyes dimmed slightly as he studied the sheets on the bed. “I must have been important to you.”

  
Levi’s jaw clenched again, and he didn’t respond. Eren could feel the walls of sheer adrenaline and the shock of having been saved crumbling as they sat together in silence. Silent tears began to flow down his cheeks, in both relief that he wouldn’t have to be tortured by the men in the warehouse again and in fear that they would come back and take him again. Or that this rescue had been nothing but the most wonderful dream. Though he couldn’t remember his life before, he felt oddly safe with Levi and didn’t want to lose this feeling now that he had felt it. It occurred to him that perhaps he had felt like this before, too, and look at where that had landed him, but he didn’t dwell on it.

  
Through his tears, he could see Levi’s hands clenched in his lap, his jaw muscles grinding his teeth together as he watched Eren cry. He held to his word of not touching Eren but the younger man could see absolute suffering in his eyes as he struggled to maintain that promise.

  
As if his body moved on it’s own, Eren reached out for Levi, a choked sob escaping his throat as he forced out words. “I’m sorry, but please... help... I cant...” Eren didn’t even know what he was really asking for, but Levi seemed to understand.

  
He stood from the chair and moved to sit on the edge of the bed, taking Eren’s hand in his, squeezing it softly.

  
On instinct, Eren leaned forward and pressed his face into Levi’s shoulder, allowing the sobs to shake his body and whines to escape his lips. When was the last time he allowed himself to cry? He had been afraid of punishment for it for as long as his memory would allow him to remember.

  
Levi, however, continued to clasp his hand tightly, pinned between their bodies and Eren leaned against him and cried, his chin settling against Eren’s head as he allowed the young man to cry against him.

  
“S-sorry. I’m sor-ry,” the words hiccuped out of Eren’s mouth as he couldn’t stop the tears.

  
He could feel Levi shaking his head. “Take what you need from me, Eren. Don’t ever apologize,” He muttered.

  
“Stay with me...” Eren whispered, feeling exhausted, despite the nap he had just taken.

  
Levi nodded and shifted slightly to sit back further on the bed. He allowed Eren to curl into the fetal position with his head in Levi’s lap. After a moment of hesitation, he ran his hand gently run through Eren’s hair, soothing him. After some time, Levi became aware that not only has Eren stopped sobbing, he had fallen asleep in Levi’s lap.

  
Levi contemplated getting up and going to see how Hanji’s research was going, but Eren had asked him to stay, and he’d be damned before he left the young man alone again. Levi sighed back against the headboard, wondering how long it had been since he had gotten a good night’s sleep. Three months, one week and five days, his mind supplied. Levi had barely slept since the day he came home to discover that Eren was gone.

  
With that thought, his eyes slid closed and he joined Eren in sleep. It was in such a state that Hanji found them, and almost didn’t wake them, feeling a smile play on her lips as she watched the men. It felt like forever since she had seen her boss looking content.


	3. Chapter 3

“Heichou,” Eren lazily peeked and eye part way open to see Hanji leaning over him, her eyes focused on something above him.

  
“Quiet,” Levi’s sharp voice whispered over him.

  
The memories of before came flooding back to him, crying on Levi’s shoulder, the older man allowing him to sob, and him begging Levi to stay. And clearly he had. He felt embarrassment swell inside him, and he immediately closed his partially opened eye, hoping that sleep would take him again to swallow the shyness.

  
Hanji was whispering to Levi, and he made a frustrated noise in the back of his throat before he gently readjusted Eren to lay on the pillows before he stood. “Stay with him, at least until he wakes,” Levi commanded.

  
“Yes, Heichou,” Hanji responded and Eren could hear Levi quietly leaving the room.

  
After some minutes had passed, Eren slowly opened his eyes, abandoning his attempt to drown his embarrassment in sleep. He blinked at Hanji, who now occupied the chair Levi had earlier. She smiled at him.

  
“Hiya, Eren,” She said cheerfully.

  
“Levi...?” Eren asked.

  
“Sorry, Heichou had some business he needs to take care of, but I’m here to look after you until he gets back. Don’t worry, I’ll take care of you,” Hanji said.

  
“Hanji...” Eren bit his lip.

  
She looked at him, her face open and honest as she patiently waited.

  
“Who am I to Levi?” He asked finally.

  
“Well, that’s a question you should ask him, not that I think he will answer. The boss is like a steel trap when it comes to letting information go, even to those close to him. But I will tell you that you are important to this family. We all respect and want to take care of you, Eren,” Hanji’s smiled softened in kindness.

  
“I want to remember you all...” He said.

  
“I’m sure you will in time, don’t push yourself too hard, you’ve had a traumatic experience,” Hanji soothed him.

  
“How... how long was I there?” He asked.

  
“More than three months. We never stopped trying to find and save you, Eren,” Hanji’s eyes flashed with regret.

  
“It feels like I was there for my whole life,” Eren whispered.

  
Hanji seemed to struggle with her words at that. Eren tried to offer her a smile, but he couldn’t figure out how to shape his lips to do so and gave up. Hanji’s phone buzzed and she looked at it, standing up quickly, but hesitated after two steps.

  
“I have to go make a report to Heichou, is it alright for me to leave you here or do you need me to get someone to stay with you?” Hanji asked.

  
Eren shook his head. “I’ll be fine alone...”

  
“You don’t have to stay in this room either. The door opens from both sides, no locks. If you want to walk around the mansion, you’re more than welcomed to. Maybe it will help spark your memory, too,” Hanji smiled at him before she exited the room.

  
Eren sat back against the pillows, looking at the door after Hanji, wondering if he had the courage to follow her out that door. He wasn’t sure he could even walk at this point, let alone convince himself that he could leave a room he was left in. So instead he flopped over on the bed and stared at the photo that Levi had at some point placed on the nightstand.

 

``~`**`~``

 

“You can’t keep something like this from him!” Mikasa’s voice was shrill as she stared at Levi’s emotionless face.

  
“Mikasa...” Armin looked desperately at his girlfriend.

  
Levi was as stiff as a rod and Armin could tell he was as stable as a live wire. He was worried that all the anger being held inside his boss would become misdirected towards Mikasa should she push him any further. Just as the fury seemed to snap inside him and he opened his mouth a voice came from the door.

  
“Since when is it acceptable to question orders?” Hanji spoke from where she stood.

  
“But-” Mikasa began, but Hanji cut her off.

  
“We all care about Eren. But you know just as well as anyone that if he hadn’t been brought here he would never have been targeted. Should he recover his memories and decide that he wishes to stay with Heichou, then perhaps this is a conversation to be had. But as it stands, he doesn’t remember any of us. And maybe that is better for him,” Hanji walked forward and stood behind Levi, hands clasped behind her back, her elbow gently pressing into his back, as if an apology for saying what she had.  
“But how can we keep this to ourselves?” Armin spoke up. “If we do, how do we explain why he was taken?”

  
“We will cross that bridge when we get to it. Right now, we should focus on letting Eren heal. He’s had quite an ordeal these past few months. It seems that they attempted to break him down until he gave up information on us. I believe they finally abandoned him because instead of giving them what he wanted, his mind erased anything that could have aided them. They left all of their research, including pages upon pages of writing, like the one we found in his hands, Heichou, as well as video tapes of the... methods of torture they used to break him. I can say with confidence that he never gave an inch when it comes to dealing information on us,” Hanji spoke with a tone she reserved for business as she ushered the other three down the hall towards her lab, but her eyes burned with a fire of rage.

  
Entering the lab, Levi’s eyes fell on the pages spread out across the table, and he instinctively read a few of them.

  
‘My name is Eren Jaeger. I am the husband of Levi Ackerman. My sister is Mikasa Ackerman, cousin of Levi, adopted by my parents when we were children. My best friend is Armin Arlert. I will not yield, I will not give in. The MP can screw themselves.’ This was repeated on several sheets, but as the writing continued, the words seemed to lose their edge of defiance.

  
‘My name is Eren. What do they want from me, stop hurting me, please... Levi... Help...’ Levi felt his jaw clench again, wondering if it would lock in such a position, with how often it seemed to be clenching today.

  
‘I am unclean. My body which once belonged to Levi is no longer reserved for him. I’m sure he will be disgusted with me and no longer want me. I can’t remember his face or anyone else’s anymore. I think... my name is Eren.’ The sheet was crushed in Levi’s hand.

  
Hanji leaned forward and placed her hand over his tight fist. “Heichou,” she spoke softly.

  
“How many of these are there?” He said, his voice betraying his blank face, coming out low and gravely.

  
“It seems they had him write several times a week, hoping he would betray us as they... tortured him,” Hanji gently pulled the paper from his hand.

  
Levi nodded to the tv set up in the lab. “Videos?” Hanji studied him for a moment, as if assessing if he was capable of taking the information in his current state. “Hanji,” he said, all warning tone.

  
“They kept 24 hour surveillance on him, so there is quite a bit of footage. I watched... enough,” Hanji swallowed, trying to remain professional.

  
“Let me see what they did to him,” Levi said, his eyes storming.

  
“Levi...” Hanji said, trying to find the words to convince him otherwise.

  
“Its an order,” Levi’s voice was so low Hanji felt like it alone could cut her. She picked up the remote and turned on the tv.

  
20 minutes into the video, Levi smashed the tv off the table. Watching the MP violate his lover seemed to have pushed him over an edge. What was worse even than the video, was the audio that had come through the speakers of Eren sobbing and screaming in pain, crying out for Levi even as the men took what they wanted from him. The rest of the room sat in stunned silence, such an act of emotion rarely seen from their blank faced boss.

  
“Find. Them,” He growled, his fingers tracing the handle of a knife tucked safely into a holster on this belt.

  
When no one moved he turned to them all, his eyes clearly displaying malice. “Now.” And with that Armin stood and scurried from the room, quickly followed by Mikasa, Hanji lingering behind.

  
“Allow me to work with Eren to see if I can recover his memories, Heichou,” she said softly.

  
Levi nodded curtly and then turned to leave the room himself. “Also, Levi... You should allow Mikasa to see her brother before you send her away again.” Hanji looked at him with gentle eyes.

  
Levi paused and then nodded again, before leaving the room.

 

``~`**`~``

 

“Eren!”

  
Eren looked up to see the girl with black hair from the photo running into the room.

  
“Mikasa...?” He spoke slowly, recalling that Levi had said she was his sister.

  
“You remember me?” She asked, sitting a little ways away from him on the bed. He noted Hanji was standing in the doorway, watching over them.

  
Carefully, Eren shook his head. “I’m sorry... Levi told me your name. And that you are my sister,” he looked down, again frustrated.

  
“It’s alright,” Mikasa said softly. “Yes, I’m your sister, adopted when were were young. My name is Mikasa Ackerman. I’m so happy you’re safe,” she reached out and cupped the side of his face, tears threatening to fall from her eyes. Eren’s mind supplied that she had the same last name as Levi. Were they related?

  
“I’m sorry,” Eren whispered again.

  
Mikasa shook her head. “We will find the MP, the people who did this to you.”

  
Eren nodded, still looking down.

  
“Mikasa,” Hanji spoke from the door, noting that Eren seemed to be withdrawing into himself. “You have a job to get to.”

  
Mikasa nodded and stood, passing Hanji in the doorway, looking over to Eren again before determinedly striding down the hallway.

  
“Eren, do you think you can talk with me for a little while?” Hanji sat on the chair she had occupied earlier, gently coaxing Eren’s attention to her.

  
Eren nodded, his eyes finally focusing on her.

  
“I’m going to show you some pictures. They are of you. I am hoping that maybe seeing them will help your memory a little bit,” Hanji pulled the stack of photos from her front pocket. She had most grudgingly removed all the photos of Eren and Levi together, knowing that her boss would have her head if she didn’t.

  
Eren barely glanced at the first photo before he shook his head. “I think I actually want to sleep, Hanji...” Eren said softly.

  
Hanji nodded and placed the photos on the nightstand next to the bed. “Well, look at them when you get a chance. Levi and I will be nearby so if you need something, just call, alright?”

  
She tried to smile as Eren curled up into the fetal position and pulled the blankets tight around himself. It was painful to watch. She left the room, leaving the door cracked open.


	4. Chapter 4

Levi ran into the room and watched Eren flail and scream in his sleep. He immediately leapt onto the bed, shaking the younger man’s shoulders and called his name over and over again. Eren didn’t wake, but he calmed down and whispered in his sleep “Levi...”

  
Levi felt tears threaten to spill from his eyes as he watched Eren curl into himself. Why, why, why couldn’t he have protected this precious man? Why didn’t he take Eren with him when he went away on business? Why did he let the younger man out of his sight for even an instant? He settled himself into the chair by the bed, resigning himself to watching over his sleeping husband for the night.

  
Just as Levi felt himself begin to doze off in the chair, Eren began to thrash and whimper in his sleep again. This time Levi stood over him and shook the man from his sleep. Eren’s eyes shot open, but they seemed to still be locked in the haze of his dreams and he screamed and fought Levi’s grip on his arms, finally breaking free and punching the older man square in the nose.

  
“Fuck, Eren,” Levi cursed before he could stop himself, cupping his hand over his nose, tilting his head back to stop the blood he could already feel running down his face.

  
Eren’s eyes cleared a bit and he looked at Levi in horror. “I- I- I’m sorry... I- didn’t mean to... Please don’t hurt me...”

  
Levi grabbed a tissue from a box on the dresser and held it over his nose, observing Eren, unsure if he was still in the land of his dream or with him in the present. “Who am I?” He asked finally, his voice a bit nasal from the blow to the nose he had received.

  
Eren stared at him and his eyes cleared completely. “...Levi,” he whispered.

  
Levi nodded. “I will never hurt you, Eren.”

  
Eren stared at him for a long time before he spoke. “You kicked my ass once.”

  
Levi blinked at him, the tissue slipping from his hand. “What?”

  
“A long time ago. I think it was years ago. You kicked my ass,” Eren looked at him, his green eyes shimmering in the light from the hallway pouring in through the open door. “I thought you were going to break my arm as you pinned me to the wall.”

  
“I... did Hanji...?” Levi stared at Eren.

  
Eren shook his head. “I didn’t know if that was a dream or a memory. It just popped into my head.”

  
Levi sunk into the chair, thankful that the bleeding had stopped. “A memory,” he said. “Does it make you afraid of me?”

  
Eren shook his head again. “I don’t remember being afraid then, so I don’t know why I would be now.”

  
Levi nodded. “You never did have any sense of self preservation...” he muttered. Eren smiled slightly, the first one he had managed. “Did you remember anything else?”  
Eren shook his head. “It was just a fragment. I think you said something like ‘stop following me’ or something.”

  
Levi almost laughed. “Yes. You always turned up places.”

  
“When was that...?” Eren looked curiously at Levi.

  
“About six years ago,” Levi sat back in his chair. “I didn’t want to bring you into this life...” Levi’s voice faded out as he began to feel like he was saying too much. He forced his mouth shut and clenched his fists in his lap.

  
Eren watched him quietly for a few minutes before speaking again. “Is your nose okay?”

  
Levi looked surprised, having already forgotten being punched. He nodded. “You should go back to sleep.” He stood to leave the room, retrieving the tissue he has dropped earlier.

  
“Levi...” Eren fidgeted in the bed.

  
Levi looked at him, waiting patiently. It took some time before Eren could bring himself to speak again.

  
“Please stay....” He whispered.

  
Levi managed to school his face into it’s usual blank expression after a second of shock registering. He moved to the bookshelf and selected a novel before settling back to the chair. “As you wish.”

  
Levi watched as Eren clutched to the jacket he had draped around him earlier, which had been hidden under the blankets until now. Eren curled up into a ball facing away from Levi, burying his face into the fabric. “It feels less like a dream when I wake up and you’re here.” He whispered as he closed his eyes.

  
Levi didn’t respond, but internally swore not to move from the chair until Eren woke again. He relaxed back into the chair and opened the novel, losing himself in the text on the page.

  
  
``~`**`~``  
  
  


The next few days passed in a blur for Eren. Every time he woke up, he would wake up in a different place. Falling asleep in the soft bed Levi had deposited him in, and he had yet to convince himself to leave, would lead to him waking up in the warehouse, scared and alone. Sometimes he would wake up and the men would be there, taking whatever they wanted from him, beating him, torturing him. When he finally passed out in the warehouse, he would wake up in the soft bed, Levi leaning over him in concern, though now wisely not shaking him awake and keeping his face clear of Eren’s reach.

  
To be completely honest, he could no longer discern which was dream and reality. He began to withdraw further into himself every time he opened his eyes in the bed, despite the desperate hope that this was reality. Should it be the dream, feeling happiness would only be a detriment he decided. As he closed himself off more and more to Levi, he slowly lost his ability to speak in either world. Though it frustrated him, he felt like maybe it was better that way.

  
He woke one day to the sound of hushed voices. He looked around, noting that Levi wasn’t in the chair he now seemed to permanently occupy. Looking towards the door, he could see light pouring into the room from the hallway. When he strained his ears, he could tell Levi was just outside the door, talking to Hanji.

  
“It’s just getting worse,” Levi said, his voice taking that strained tone that seemed to be creeping into his voice more and more often. It was strange, but Eren somehow felt that it was unusual for Levi to sound like that, despite having no basis for such an assumption.

  
“Maybe we should take him to a psychologist?” Hanji was trying to sound calm and reassuring.

  
“We can’t force him to go. He won’t even leave the bed for a shower,” Levi replied.

  
“Has he spoken again yet?” Hanji asked.

  
There was silence and Eren heard Hanji sigh. He could only assume that Levi had shook his head.

  
“As your subordinate, Heichou, I believe that you need to get out of that room. Looking after Eren is important and I will take over shifts of necessary, but our family cannot function without it’s head leading us. As your friend, Levi, I think that you need to take care of yourself, sleep in a bed and do what you need to do for you before you run yourself into the ground watching someone you love suffer. You’re no good to him in this state,” Hanji sounded concerned.

  
“I cant... Leave him again,” Levi’s voice cracked.

  
Eren’s thoughts raced. Someone Levi loved? What exactly did Hanji mean? Eren leaned forward, feeling as though Hanji was about to say something important.  
“Don’t leave him. But not matter how strong and deadly you are, even Humanity’d strongest man can break down when his hu-” Hanji’s voice was cut off as Levi cut in.

  
“Be quiet,” he whispered.

  
Eren realized too late that his leaning forward, straining to hear better had caused the bed to creak. The door slowly swung open, Hanji peering into the room to see Eren sitting up in the bed Levi turned mostly away from him, facing Hanji.

  
“Hi there, Eren,” Hanji said cheerfully. Levi eyed Eren out of the corner of his eye. If he didn’t know better, Eren would swear he thought he saw tears on Levi’s cheeks.  
“You take shift. Don’t leave him for a second. I’ll be back after I’ve taken care of some business,” Levi turned his back entirely to Eren and strode down the hallway.  
Eren opened his mouth to call out to Levi, to ask him not to leave, but remembered too late that his voice wasn’t working. He hit the bed in frustration and pulled his knees to his chest. Hanji entered the room and sat in the chair across from the bed and smiled kindly.

  
“You worried about him?” She asked casually.

  
Eren nodded his head.

  
“You feel comfortable when he is here?” Hanji continued.

  
Eren hesitated but nodded again. If this was a dream, then as long as admitting Levi’s presence comforted him stayed in the dream, there was no harm... right?

  
“That’s pretty funny actually,” Hanji laughed a little as Eren studied his knees. “Most people think he’s pretty scary, you know.”

  
Eren’s head shot up and he looked at Hanji quizzically. She laughed again. He shook his head before turning back to studying his knees.

  
“It’s his face,” she laughed. “Always the same expression.”

  
Without looking up, Eren shook his head again. Hanji stopped laughing and they sat in silence for a few moments before she spoke gently. “Can you read the emotion in his eyes?”

  
Eren glanced at her from the corner of his eye and nodded slowly. “You remember, then. Your mind may not but you can still tell that he isn’t just that hard veneer he keeps up. That’s good, Eren. It means there’s still hope to bring back your memories. Not many people can read Heichou like that. Only those closest to him.” Eren could almost hear the smile in Hanji’s voice.

  
Eren hesitated and then shook his head. Hanji made a confused noise. Eren looked at her and slapped his throat, as if saying ‘I can’t explain to you.’

  
Hanji pulled out her phone and opened a text app before handing it to Eren. “Sure you can.” She said cheerfully.

  
Eren took the phone and hesitated before typing and giving the phone back to her.  
  
         _Can’t. Safer not to remember. This is a dream, if I_  
 _feel happy here the men there might hurt me more._  
  
Hanji furrowed her brow at the phone screen. “Eren, those men wont ever touch you again.”

  
Eren shook his head hard, and reached for the phone. Hanji willing handed it back to him.  
  
       _See them every night. Don’t want to mess up and_  
 _not have this dream anymore. This dream is so_  
 _nice. Waking up to Levi is nice._  
  
Hanji frowned. “This... isn’t a dream, Eren.”  
  
         _Prove it._  
  
This time Hanji shook her head. “I don’t know how. You really can’t tell?”

  
Eren signaled no and waved off the phone when Hanji tried to hand it to him. Instead he reached for the photos she had left on the nightstand days ago. He slowly flipped through them, hoping to distract himself. There were a lot of him with Armin and Mikasa, quite a few of what seemed to be impromptu selfies with Hanji and only a few with Levi, always in a group with the others. There were also some people he didn’t recognize in some of them, but he figured he’d figure out who they were later.

  
As he flipped through them, he held out his hand for the phone.  
  
       _Not many with Levi. Camera shy? Why none with_  
 _just the two of us?_   
  
Hanji laughed slightly. “Do you think he really takes a ton of pictures?” She asked, successfully dodging the question as Eren thought about it for a moment and then shook his head.

  
Towards the end of the stack, Eren stopped, his eyes wide. He had found a picture of what looked like a wedding party posing for a shot before the wedding itself. He and Levi stood next to each other in matching tuxedos, a small smile playing on the usual stoic face of Levi. He fumbled with the phone.  
  
       _Was I in his wedding party?_  
  
Hanji groaned softly before responding. “You could say that.”  
  
       _Where’s his wife?_  
  
Hanji groaned louder, cursing herself mentally for missing that photo when she was clearing all the pictures of Eren and Levi together from the stack. “He doesn’t have a wife.”  
  
         _Gone? Divorced? ...Dead?_   
  
Hanji all but put her head between her legs and kissed her ass good bye, thinking of how her boss was going to kill her when he learned of this. “No, Levi is gay. He had a husband, not a wife.”

  
       _Oh. Where’s he?_  
  
Suddenly both Hanji (who had been doubled over at the waist in the chair, contemplation her impending death) and Eren who had just finished typing became aware of Levi reading over Eren’s shoulder.

  
“Why, aren’t you two having such an interestingly nosy conversation?” He said tersely, glaring at Hanji who seemed to shrink back into her seat. “I told you not to worry about my partner, Eren.”   
  
       _I thought maybe they would worry with you being_  
 _here with me all the time..._  
  
“He is... gone,” Levi’s eyes stormed. “Stolen from me.”

  
“Levi...” Hanji said softly.

  
“I thought I told you not to include... those... in the pictures,” Levi nearly leveled Hanji with his gaze.

  
As Hanji floundered under the intense stare, her phone buzzed in Eren’s hand. He quickly handed it back to her and her eyes shot open wide. “Heichou. We have a lead.”  
Levi’s back straitened. “I’m going personally. Stay with Eren. I will send Armin to relieve you later.”

  
Hanji nodded and stood to bow to Levi. “May the wings of freedom guide you home, Heichou.”

  
Levi nodded and left the room. Eren looked at Hanji in confusion. She laughed a nervous laugh and rubbed the back of her head. “Business, Eren. Don’t worry too much.” He reached for the phone again which she willing handed back to him.   
  
       _Wings of freedom?_  
  
“It’s our family’s emblem,” Hanji took off her jacket and rolled up her shirt sleeve to reveal a crest tattoo with intertwined wings on her shoulder. Eren’s eyes shot open wide and he reached down to touch his leg. Pulling the pants down from his waist he revealed a matching tattoo on his thigh.

  
“Oh...” Hanji said, seeming to realize she made a mistake.

  
       _I thought I was just Yakuza by association._  
  
“You are,” Hanji said slowly.  
  
         _Why do I have this crest?_  
  
“Eren, Levi will literally kill me,” Hanji took a deep breath.

  
Eren shook his head and waved his hands before frantically typing and then turning the phone towards Hanji. Her breath caught in her throat as she read it.  
  
       _It’s me, isn’t it? The partner that was stolen from_  
 _him._  
  
Slowly Hanji nodded, mentally signing her own death warrant.  
  
       _I wont tell him I know. I wont tell him until I can_  
 _remember it for myself. Thanks for telling me,_  
 _Hanji._  
  
Eren sat back and closed his eyes. He could hear Hanji let out a sigh of relief as she sat back in the chair, relaxing as she realized that she wasn’t going to die tonight. He sat forward again and typed on the phone one more time.   
  
_Were we happy together?_  
  
Hanji laughed softly. “I don’t think that I’ve ever seen Heichou so happy in his entire life. You are everything to that man.” Hanji pulled another photo out of her pocket and hesitated a moment before handing it to Eren.

  
Eren looked at it, his eyes welling with tears when he saw the absolute joy on his own face in the picture as he draped his arms around Levi’s shoulders. Levi was smiling that small half smile that up until these pictures Eren didn’t realize possible. But more than that, Levi’s eyes shown in a way Eren couldn’t believe.

  
“That picture is from just after you two got married. The wedding was two years ago. You asked him. You’ve lived here, in the mansion, for four years.” Hanji smiled to herself, lost in the happy memories.

  
Eren smiled halfway, watching her.  
  
       _Well, now I know this is a dream. But it is a happy_  
 _one so I hope it doesn’t go away in time._   
  
Hanji shook her head in exasperation but didn’t respond. For a long time the two sat in silence, Eren looking down at the photo he still held in his lap with soft eyes and Hanji watching him with a similar expression.

  
There was a soft knock on the door and Hanji quickly took the photo from Eren’s hands and got up to answer the door. “Ah, Armin. Does Heichou need me?” She asked cheerfully.

  
“Yes, Ma’am. I’m here to relieve you,” the blonde man said from the doorway.

  
“Relieve away. Where is the boss?” Hanji smiled.

  
Armin held out a slip of paper and Hanji left the room, waving merrily to Eren as she left.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's getting rough in here D:  
> Warnings, self harm in the chapter.

Eren woke in the warehouse. There were three men surrounding him. Eren screamed, but no sound came out. He clawed at his throat and the men around him laughed. The pain... oh god, the pain was excruciating.

  
‘Help me, help me, help me... LEVI’ Eren’s mind screamed for him when he still couldn’t produce words. His eyes slid shut, giving himself over to unconsciousness.

  
When they shot open again, Levi was leaning over him, firmly holding Eren’s hands at his sides. “Don’t hit me, I wont hurt you,” Levi spoke calmly.

  
It felt like his throat was on fire. Eren looked with terrified eyes at Levi, struggling against him.

  
“It’s alright, Eren. Relax. I’ll let you go if you promise not to hurt yourself again,” Levi’s voice remained calm and his expression remained the same as he spoke to Eren.

  
Slowly, Eren stopped thrashing and Levi relaxed his grip on Eren’s arms. Immediately, Eren’s hand shot up to his neck, but Levi caught it and shook his head.

  
“You’ll make it worse. You were scratching yourself in your sleep. Let me take you to the bathroom and clean you up, alright?” Levi kept the neutral expression but Eren could tell he was on the verge of panicking. He nodded, wincing at the pain the movement caused.

  
Levi picked Eren up and carried him into the ensuite bathroom, sitting Eren on the toilet. He carefully disinfected the wounds on Eren’s neck and took his time washing them. He stood stock still with his back to Eren for a while, his eyes focused on the shower stall. Finally, Levi turned to him.

  
“While we are here, want to take a shower?” Levi asked. Eren looked at Levi’s face and noted that the older man looked tired. He slowly nodded, trying not to aggravate the wounds on his neck.

  
Levi, turned on the water and cursed under his breath as his shirt got hit by the stream. Immediately, he began to strip it off. Eren’s head went blank. Just simple alerts blaring through his mind. ‘Man stripping. Run. Hide. Will hurt you. Run. FIGHT.’

  
Eren opened his mouth to scream, cursing his own vocal cords as he fell off the toilet and scooted as far back as he could between the wall and the toilet. He again found his nails clawing at his neck, trying to force his vocal cords to produce sound.

  
Levi’s eyes widened as he leaned forward to grab Eren’s hands, leading to the younger man’s pupils dilating in pure terror, one hand still clawing his neck, the other flailing in Levi’s direction, scratching wherever he could reach.

  
Levi looked down at himself and cursed loudly, realizing what had set Eren off. He quickly retreated and a few minutes later Hanji entered the bathroom. She sat down about a foot away from Eren.

  
“Hey, it’s okay, Eren. I won’t touch you or come over there. You can stay where you are. Just stop scratching yourself, okay? Come on, don’t hurt yourself anymore, Eren,” Hanji’s voice was calm and soothing and Eren found himself lowering his hands to his lap.

  
“That’s it. That’s great, Eren. Levi didn’t mean to scare you. He won’t hurt you, Eren,” Hanji kept talking, watching as Eren regarded her with sheer panic still in his eyes, but he didn’t move.

  
“Beautiful. You’re doing great, Eren. I want to to breathe with me right now, okay?” Hanji began to count breaths with Eren and soon he was coming down from his panic.   
“Is it alright if I come over there and look at your neck?” Hanji asked gently. Eren shook his head no.

  
“Okay, can you come here? I promise no one will hurt you Eren. I just want to put a bandage over where you scratched. You’re bleeding, Eren,” Hanji’s tone remained soothing and slowly Eren crawled forward and sat in front of Hanji. She gently wiped his neck and wrapped a bandage around it, securing it with a piece of surgical tape before she stood up and moved back out of Eren’s space.

  
“How about we skip the shower, hm?” Hanji said teasingly and turned off the water.

  
Eren sat on the floor of the bathroom and stared at the tiles, silent tears streaming down his face. Hanji sat back down, a little ways away from him. She waited calmly for any sign from Eren. After a minute he slammed him palm on the ground as if to get her attention and then mimed typing. Immediately, Hanji slid her phone over to Eren.  
  
       _Is Levi alright?_  
  
Hanji almost laughed. She just barely managed to keep the amusement inside. Here was a young man that had just come down from a trauma induced panic attack and he was asking if Levi was okay? “He’s just fine, Eren.”  
  
       _I hurt him._  
  
“He’s only worried about you,” Hanji assured him.  
  
       _No, I hurt him. I scratched him and I hurt him inside._  
  
“Eren...” Hanji began, but struggled with a retort. Eren slammed his palm on the floor again then pointed to the first aid kit Hanji had gotten the bandage from. Then he pointed to the door, his eyes pleading.

  
“Alright, I’ll go take care of Heichou if you promise not to scratch anymore. Deal?” Hanji conceded. Eren nodded in agreement. Hanji stood and exited the bathroom, taking the first aid kit with her. After a little bit, Eren crawled forward and peeked out the door after her. Levi sitting on the bed, trying to wave off Hanji. He was still shirtless and it took all of Eren’s reason to keep from recoiling again. ‘Levi is safe. Levi won’t hurt me. Levi is safe.’ He repeated in his brain again and again.

  
“I’m fine, Hanji,” Levi said, his voice full of that all to familiar strain.

  
“It’s Eren’s orders. Deal with it, Levi,” Hanji grumbled as she bandaged the man.

  
“How could I be so stupid,” Levi muttered.

  
“Eren has been traumatized, Levi. You don’t know what his triggers are, we just got him back. Granted, you’re an idiot for calling me instead of talking him down yourself, but that I can let slide. You’re lucky Mikasa and I hadn’t left yet,” Hanji scolded Levi as if she had temporarily forgotten that he was her boss. Amazingly, Levi let her get away with it.

  
“I should have known. After seeing the tapes of what they did to him... I go taking off my shirt right there in front of him...” Levi seemed lost in his mind.

  
Slowly, Eren stood up and fumbled his way to the dresser, trying not to look at Levi, not trusting his own brain not to go into panic over load again. He pushed his way through the drawers until he found a neatly pressed dress shirt and he picked it up and turned, closing his eyes and walking forward until his knees hit the edge of the bed. He extended his arms and waited like that until he felt the shirt slide out of his hands.

  
Hanji laughed softly, unable to contain it. “Open your eyes, Eren, it’s safe now,” she finally laughed out.

  
Eren opened his eyes to see Levi sitting there, now fully dressed. “Eren...” He began but seemed to choke on his words.

  
Eren leaned forward and placed a hand over Levi’s mouth, shaking his head. He held out Hanji’s phone that he still carried.  
  
       _Not your fault._  
  
Levi’s eyes widened, reading the type. His shoulders shook slightly, and Eren could see the tears in his eyes that he refused to let fall. Eren took a deep breath and wrapped his arms around Levi, one hand around those shoulders, hiding their shaking and the other pressing Levi’s head into his shoulder, hiding his face.

  
As if this posture was permission, Eren could feel hot tears soaking through his t-shirt. Levi’s breathing shook as he tried to control himself, but Eren was willing to wait as long as Levi needed. After some minutes, Levi calmed down, but didn’t pull away from Eren’s embrace.

  
Hanji stood by there side, uncharacteristically unsure of what to do, so she just held the first aid kit and waited. Eren let Levi relax against him, praying that his mind would not betray his good intentions. He could feel the stiffness in his shoulders that hadn’t receded since his panic attack and he hoped Levi couldn’t feel it.

  
Slowly, Levi’s arms raised and he hesitantly wrapped them around Eren’s back. Eren stiffened more, and Levi immediately dropped his arms to hang by his sides. Eren shook his head, reaching for Levi’s arms with his, trying to pull them around himself. There had been a glimmer of something in his mind when Levi went to embrace him... Eren so desperately wanted to remember. Taking the hint, Levi held Eren close and Eren felt like his head was spinning. He sagged against the bed and Levi, a small pocket of memories overwhelming him. He closed his eyes and was aware that the was losing consciousness, fighting it, desperate to stay here, not wake up in the warehouse, but he couldn’t fight it off for long. His finally succumbed and Levi carefully scooted him onto the bed, not letting him go.

  
“Levi... What...?” Hanji looked shocked, helping Levi bring Eren’s legs onto the bed. Levi shook his head, laying with Eren in his arms.

  
“I don’t know, Hanji,” Levi said, his voice thick with the tears of earlier. “Leave us.”

  
Hanji slowly nodded, retrieving her phone from where it had been abandoned on the bed. After they were alone, Levi found himself exhausted. Before he could talk himself out of it, he found himself falling into the dream world, Eren held safely in his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really appreciate the kudos and comments, thank you guys! ^.^  
> I will post as often as I can.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not going to lie, guys, my computer died last night while I was working on the fic. Literally walked for an hour to get to the store and replaced it just so I could post this update in a timely fashion. I even rushed to poor technicians to do the data transfer in one day instead of 24-72 hours. Say thank you to Micro Center for this update XD.

Eren woke, his mind hazy. For the first time in a while, he had fallen asleep in the bed in Levi’s home and woken back in the same room. There was no trip to the warehouse. He opened his eyes, slowly becoming aware of a weight around his waist. He blinked away the sleep, noticing first, the black hair pressed to his chin. As he looked down, he realized Levi was asleep, cuddled into Eren’s chest. The things he had remembered earlier flooded into his mind, and caused Eren to wrap his arms around Levi and hold him close. The movement, however, stirred Levi from his sleep and he immediately pulled away from Eren, surprise swirling in those dark eyes.

Eren shook his head and tapped his throat gently before miming typing. Levi reached into his pocket and offered Eren his phone as Hanji had before.

 

_I remembered things._

 

Levi sat up straight at that. “What did you remember?”

 

_My parents are dead. My mother first, a long time_

_ago. My father more recently. You held me when_

_I was grieving. I remember being held by you often._

 

Levi’s eyes widened and he balked. “Eren...” But Eren shook his head again and typed furiously.

 

_That’s real, right?_

 

Levi looked down at his hands, his eyes studying his wedding band. “Yes.”

 

Eren look at his own hands, noting that there were tan lines where a ring should have been on his own finger. 

 

_You’ve always taken care of me, huh?_

 

Levi looked like he almost wanted to laugh. “No. I think it was the other way around. After all, I let you get taken by the MP.”

 

_I can’t remember how it happened._

 

“I was away on business. You can’t remember, but people often say ‘the safest place on earth is by Levi’s side’ and I left you without that protection,” Levi said, bitterly.

 

_You couldn’t have known._

 

“I should have,” Levi looked down. Eren shook his head and then typed again.

 

_It isn’t your job to look after anyone but yourself._

 

Levi shook his head. “This conversation isn’t alien to me. But I should be able to protect my family.”

 

_I am certain I knew the risks before I became_

_involved with you._

 

Levi nodded. “And yet you somehow kept popping up all over the place.”

 

_So on some level I was prepared for something_

_to happen to me. And you came for me._

 

Eren’s face broke into a smile. It was probably the first true one he had managed.

 

Levi sighed. “But it took me much too long to find you.”

 

_But you still did find me._

 

“I certainly couldn’t leave you. You are associated with me, it was my fault they took you,” Levi looked at Eren, mildly offended at the implication that not finding him was an option. 

 

_Why did they target me? Why not Hanji or_

_Mikasa or Armin. Why me?_

 

Levi sighed again. “Among other things, I’d assume it was because you were the easiest mark. For sheer information, Hanji would have been a better target. But all my subordinates have rather... impressive reputations of their own.”

 

_Let me become your subordinate. Let me_

_build my own reputation so they wont come_

_for me again. I think it might help me as well._

 

Levi looked at the phone and almost looked like he was going to object, but one look at Eren’s determined eyes and he nodded. “I’ll teach you what I can.” 

 

``~`**`~``

 

Eren stood in front of the shower, shaking slightly. The act of taking off his clothes seemed so... daunting. His mind whispered that having Levi there would probably ease his nerves, but the memory alone of last time was enough to make his fingers itch to dig into his own skin. 

 

The knock on the bathroom door made him nearly jump out of his skin. Armin’s voice came through the door. “Eren, are you okay in there?”

 

Eren opened his mouth in frustration. ‘Even if I wasn’t, how the hell could I tell you?’ His mind ranted. He walked over to the door, opened it, nodded and then closed it. 

 

‘This will help make you better, self. Come on,’ Eren told himself in his head and forced himself to strip down and step into the stream of water. Before he could really think, Eren found his hands scrubbing his skin to a bright red, as if washing the hands of those men off of himself. He didn’t realize just how dirty he felt until he started washing, and now he couldn’t stop, even as he became aware of the blood running down his sides from the gashes he was forcefully rubbing into his skin.

 

Eren opened his mouth, trying to scream, call for help, anything, but not surprisingly, no sound came out, leaving Eren alone in the shower, washing wounds into his body and sobbing silently until he collapsed to the floor, his nails digging into his legs as he became dimly aware that the water was running cold.

 

He didn’t know how much time had passed before he saw the bathroom door swing open, a figure approaching him from outside the frosted glass of the shower stall. He immediately recoiled, his nails gouging his legs deeper. The shower door opened and Eren shied away, trying to protect his body. 

 

Levi stood over him and didn’t say a word. Just turned off the shower and picked a towel off the stack in the cupboard near the foot of the shower and placed it on the side of the tub before stepping back and away, his eyes lowered to the floor. When Eren didn’t move, he knelt next to the tub and extended his hand, but remained far enough away that Eren would have to come to him if he wanted the contact. 

 

After several tense moments, Eren reached out and took Levi’s hand, who in turn pressed it to his own chest. “Feel my breaths. Feel my heartbeat. Follow them.” The words were simple and short, but oddly comforting to Eren. He allowed himself to do as Levi commanded and found himself coming down from his panic, albeit slowly. 

 

Once Levi was satisfied with Eren’s state, he looked over Eren’s body. “Let me bandage you.”

 

Eren nodded, but as he stood and stepped out of the tub, he recoiled away from Levi’s touch. Levi regarded him with serious eyes as he placed the first aid kit on the counter. “I don’t have to, you can do it yourself. I won’t push you, Eren.”

 

Eren reached for the first aid kit, fumbling with the clasp on the box. Levi stepped forward and Eren immediately stepped back, and Levi opened the box and laid out all the supplies Eren was going to need to clean his cuts and bandage them before he stepped back again and, after a moment of hesitation, he turned and left the bathroom. 

 

What seemed like an eternity later, Eren emerged from the bathroom, the majority of his chest and stomach wrapped in bandage, was well as a good portion of his legs and arms. Looking around, he found an outfit laid out from him on the bed, but no one in the room. 

 

After dressing, Eren took a deep breath and approached the door. The simple act of pulling the handle and stepping out of the room seemed like such a huge task, but this time Eren managed to get through it. He found Levi outside in a chair part way down the hallway. His arms rested on his knees and he held his head in his hands. Eren tapped his hand against the wall, hard enough to make noise, to announce his presence. 

 

Levi stood, and looked over the parts of Eren he could see. He frowned at the bandages on Eren’s arms but instead of commenting, he handed Eren a cellphone.

 

“This one is for you, so you can type to us easier. Also, hold down the end button,” Levi said, trying to portray calmness.

 

Eren took the phone gratefully and held the end button as instructed. Levi’s phone started to beep in his pocket, and he took it out and showed Eren the screen. It flashed ‘EREN SOS’ repeatedly.

 

“This way, you can always call me, no matter what,” Levi clicked a button on his phone and put it back in his pocket. 

 

Eren nodded and followed Levi down the hall. “We don’t have to do this now.” Levi said as they headed down a flight of stairs.

 

_No, I want to._

 

They passed through a doorway into a great room that was to the left of the stairway. Armin was kneeling in the center of the room, two saki cups in front of him. Levi settled in front of the larger one and motioned for Eren to sit by the other. 

 

After Eren settled himself, Armin poured saki into the two cups and Levi lifted his, and Eren followed his movements. “This is nearly unheard of...” Levi muttered to himself. 

 

Eren stared at him quizzically, but Levi just held out his cup. “We will drink from each other’s cups. This symbolizes your undying loyalty to me, your leader. My word is absolute. You will not defy me. You will shed your family ties and consider this your new family. Normally, you would pledge as such, but as it stands I want you to just nod your head if you agree to these terms.”

 

Eren nodded and Levi extended his cup for Eren to take a sip as Eren did the same. They both drank as Armin’s head turned towards the front of the house. “Heichou.”

 

Levi nodded and Armin got up and exited the room. After the ceremony, Levi stood and motioned for Eren to follow him. Eren caught a glimpse of Armin greeting Hanji and Mikasa outside the mansion as he followed Levi to another room and Eren noted that it looked like a dojo. They passed through it and finally ended in a room that appeared to be a shooting range.

 

“I’m going to teach you to handle a gun. Eventually, you will learn a form of hand to hand combat, specializing in a certain variety. But I don’t know if fighting is what you should be doing in your condition,” Levi’s tone was professional, but Eren didn’t miss the sideways glance towards his bandaged body. 

 

Levi selected a hand gun from the rack on the wall and pointed it at a target, firing it off a few times, the bullets ripping straight through the head of the target with every shot. Eren covered his ears to the sound of the firing, looking amazed as Levi made his shot each time. 

 

Levi turned to Eren and held out the gun. “Count the shots. You need to remember how many bullets you use. That model holds 21.”

 

Eren hesitantly took the weapon and pointed it towards the target.

 

“Hold it with both hands, like I did,” Levi coached. 

 

Eren obeyed and took a shot, completely missing the target. Levi stepped forward and steadied Eren’s hands with his own. “This is an extension of yourself. Do not point it if you don’t mean to cause harm and kill. It will carry out your intent for you.”

 

Eren took a deep breath and shot again, this time the bullet clipped the shoulder of the target. “Better,” Levi said. 

 

He noticed Eren’s hands were shaking and he took the gun from the younger man. “That’s enough for today. Either myself or Hanji will train you everyday until we are confident in your abilities. Do not come here alone. Go rest, you look tired.”

 

Eren rolled his eyes and pressed his fingers into Levi’s chest, as if saying ‘you’re one to talk’. 

 

Levi raised an eyebrow. “Don’t be cheeky.”

 

Eren gave a small smile, but headed out of the room and back to his own.


	7. Chapter 7

“He did what now?” Hanji openly laughed. 

 

_Why is it funny, Hanji?_

 

“He actually said ‘this is nearly unheard of’?” Hanji just kept laughing.

 

_Hanji, please explain._

 

Hanji got up and peaked out of the door. Once she was satisfied that she and Eren were alone, she came back and sat down. “Yakuza wives are very rarely seen in actual business. They are basically never involved in the criminal side of the organization. But you, you go and exchanged cups of loyalty with Heichou. And he let you. I can’t even...” Hanji’s voice dissolved as she fell back into laughter.

 

_I’m a man, though._

 

“Yes, you are. But I suppose that should have tipped me off that Heichou isn’t about doing things the traditional route. You’re probably the only gay Yakuza husband,” Hanji wiped her eyes and got herself under control. “He’s not wrong, you know. It actually might be entirely unheard of. But I suppose the fact that you can’t remember taking previous vows makes it less strange for you to exchange cups.”

 

_I am going to train under you and him._

 

 _“_ I did hear that. Levi, of course, didn’t tell me the circumstances,” Hanji shook her head, still amused. 

 

_Where did he go anyway?_

 

Hanji’s eyes darkened. “About now, Heichou should have arrived on site and begun to play with the new toy Mikasa and I left for him.”

 

Eren stared at her with wide eyes, unsure if he even wanted to ask for clarification with the dark, twisted, sadistic look on Hanji’s face. The look in her eyes was almost sordid glee, mixed with something that could be rage. It took several minutes, but Hanji came back to herself, the look in her eyes fading and her face sliding back into it’s usual happy smile. Eren relaxed, feeling like that wasn’t a face he ever wanted to be directed at him.

 

_Why do you call him Heichou?_

 

Hanji laughed. “He is our leader, our head, our captain. Our Heichou. All of the strongest tend to end up with some form of nicknames, Levi has also been called Humanity’s strongest warrior or even God by some.”

 

Eren contemplated this for a few minutes.

 

_Is he the strongest yakuza?_

 

“I personally believe he is the strongest anything. He’s a beast wrapped up in a tiny package,” Hanji’s eyes glittered with amusement. Eren just barely managed to suppress a smile at the ‘tiny package’ bit.

 

_Do you have a nickname?_

 

Hanji grinned. “Maniac Scientist. Armin is known as The Strategist, Mikasa as War Goddess. This family may be small, but we are all pretty well known as a family you shouldn’t cross,” Hanji’s eyes darkened again. “Which is why the MP should have thought twice before taking something precious from us.”

 

_You’re going after them?_

 

“That is even a question?” Hanji asked. “They will pay, Eren. We won’t let them get away with what they have done.”

 

_I want in._

 

Hanji looked surprised. “You’ll have to ask Heichou for that. I can’t make that call, but... as much as I understand, I wonder if that is healthy for your mental state.”

 

Eren scowled at Hanji and huffed in frustration. 

 

_Only as healthy as it is for yours and Levi’s._

 

“I get what you’re saying, but I really think you should focus on your recovery before you think about revenge,” Hanji sighed. “You’re not exactly in tip top shape, Eren.”

 

Eren huffed again, knowing she was right but feeling a little but of a stubborn streak flaring itself inside him. ‘I’ve always been stubborn’ he thought, feeling proud that he could remember such a thing about himself. 

 

“That look is not one I want to see right now, Eren. I know how persistent you can be, but right now I want you to rest. Doctor’s orders,” Hanji said, as if reading his thoughts. 

 

_You’re not a doctor._

 

“I’m as close to a doctor as most of the family has seen, so good enough,” Hanji replied and she gently shoved Eren’s shoulder. “I’m also trying to look out for you, kid.”

 

Huffing one more time, Eren flopped over on the bed and closed his eyes to sleep. 

 

 

``~`**`~``

 

As weeks passed, Eren’s ability with a gun was becoming better, but he was still plagued with the nightmares of the warehouse. He also had several panic attacks that he, most frustratingly, couldn’t discern the cause of. Fortunately, Hanji or Levi were able prevent him from hurting himself again when they happened. Levi now refused to allow Eren alone in the bathroom, removing the opportunity for Eren to scrub wounds into his skin again.  

 

Hanji sat in front of Eren, removing the last bandage from his arm. “It looks like they healed alright. You’ll have scars, though.”

 

Eren nodded, looking down at his arms, knowing that the long, ribbon like scars were mirrored across his body. He couldn’t help but think about how now his body was as undesirable as his mind. He was certain that Levi and Hanji would get tired of playing babysitter with him sooner or later. 

 

“Well, I can’t see a reason you don’t start hand to hand combat today. Levi is waiting for you in the dojo,” Hanji smiled cheerfully and patted Eren on the back. 

 

He nodded to her and then stood and went down the hallway from Hanji’s lab that led to the dojo. Entering the room, he stilled his hand from slapping the wall to announce his presence, instead he watched what seemed to be an intricate dance Levi was preforming. He held a blade in each hand, and was turning and twisting his body, moving almost as if he was suspended by invisible strings. Through his shirt, Eren could see the strength in his muscles. The whole scene was beautiful and Eren began to feel like he was spying on the older man despite not making an effort to hide. This whole thing seemed strangely private, and it took Eren a moment to realize that it was because each movement was like a projection of Levi’s emotions, and from what Eren could tell, Levi was hurting. Eren had to swallow several times before he could will his hand to move again to tap the wall.

 

Levi stopped moving and turned towards the door, placing the blades in a holder nearby. “Did Hanji clear you?”

 

Eren nodded, fumbling in his pocket for his phone.

 

_Can you teach me that?_

 

Levi’s brow furrowed. “No.”

 

_Please?_

 

“I’m not putting swords or knives in your hands until I’m satisfied with your hand to hand combat abilities. You’d end up cutting yourself,” Levi waved off Eren’s phone and went to turn away and then paused. “Look, I started before I should have.”

 

Levi shrugged the shoulder of his shirt down and showed Eren a small part of his back, where a nasty scar protruded from his skin. Eren frowned, but his eye caught the corner of a tattoo that seemed to cover the majority of Levi’s back. He reached out and pulled on Levi’s shirt, exposing it more.

 

Levi hesitated before he let the shirt fall and expose his whole back. The tattoo was the wings of freedom, the scale of the tattoo seemed to make the emblem seem more beautiful. Eren ran his fingers down the crest before they stopped at what seemed to be an addition. Two blades, crossing each other at an angle with words that seemed to be carved into them, ‘You will forever be etched into my heart and soul’.

 

Levi watched Eren’s face over his shoulder as Eren’s fingers traced along the tattoos, trying to gauge the younger man’s emotions. Eren seemed lost, unable to stop the movement of his fingers as the tattoos sparked little fires in his mind, as if something was there, just beyond the reach of his memories. Every other sense in his mind was shut off, the only things he was aware of what the feeling of the skin under his finger tips and the sight before his eyes, falling into almost tunnel vision as he studied the tattoos. 

 

As if moving on muscle memory alone, Eren’s hands traced down Levi’s back and settled on his hips, massaging small circles into the pale skin there. He felt Levi shudder slightly before Eren moved his hands around Levi’s body to trace the hardened ab muscles.

 

“Eren... Stop...” Levi whispered, his voice filled with an emotion that Eren couldn’t identify.

 

Eren came to his senses and took several large steps backwards, releasing Levi. For a second Levi didn’t move, his eyes trained on Eren over his shoulder, his muscles rigid. Then he looked down, in front of himself and lifted the shirt back up over his shoulders, securing it in the front. He stayed like that for a few long moments, breathing deeply before he finally turned to face Eren, his face the same blank mask he always wore. 

 

Eren tried to convey his apology on his face, opening his mouth, wishing his voice worked. Levi’s eyes flashed with... something before he spoke in a business like manner. “Let’s start with you showing me what you’ve got. Come at me.” 

 

Eren hesitated, but finally stepped forward and moved to hit Levi. Levi easily dodged and spun, his arm stopping an inch from Eren’s neck.

 

“You’re too slow. And the punch was sloppy. Looks like we will have to start from square one,” Levi said, lowering his arm and stepping back before he studied Eren’s face. “Are you alright with this?”

 

Eren slowly nodded and bit his lip. He knew he was scared, seeing Levi so easily move into his space, able to take him down was terrifying. It set off all those warning bells in his brain, but somehow the moment from before stilled Eren’s fear. The way Levi had stood still, allowed Eren to touch him and didn’t move spoke volumes. When he had said stop, he could easily have physically stopped Eren, but chose to speak instead, trusting Eren to heed his words. Eren felt if Levi could do that, he himself could extend a semblance of trust to Levi.

 

After nearly an hour, Eren plopped down onto the mats on the floor of the dojo, his breathing harsh. He was sweating and exhausted. Levi sat next to him, barely having broken a sweat. He handed Eren a water bottle and his phone.

 

“It will get easier,” He said simply. Eren couldn’t tell exactly what Levi was referring to. 

 

_You’re strong._

 

Levi studied the words for a moment and then sighed. “In some ways.”

 

Eren rolled his eyes.

 

_In many ways._

 

“I don’t think you can say that just because you fondled me a bit...” Levi looked down and then froze as he realized what he had said. He slowly turned his head ever so slightly so he could see Eren’s face out of the corner of his eye.

 

Eren stared at him with wide eyes. Levi opened his mouth, trying to think of some way to take back his words when he found Eren’s phone shoved into his face. 

 

_Are... Are you cracking jokes??_

 

Levi’s head dropped back down and he muttered. “I’m not incapable, you know...” He felt a blush rise to his cheeks and he could only hope that Eren wouldn’t notice.

 

_And SHY???!_

 

Levi felt his face flush the rest of the way and he quickly rose to his feet and turned away from Eren. “I think this is enough for the day. Go sit with Hanji in her lab until I come get you later.”

 

Eren started typing on his phone again, but Levi didn’t turn around to see it. Eren slapped the floor, trying to get his attention, but he still didn’t turn. Eren opened his mouth, willing words to come out, even just a sound, but still nothing. All Eren could do was watch the older man walk away.


	8. Chapter 8

Eren didn’t do as he was told. He had intended to, but as he headed towards the lab, he caught sight of sunlight streaming through the glass panels that flanked the front door of the mansion. Somehow, he felt drawn to it and he couldn’t help but walk up to the door and swing it open. He stood there and felt the warmth on his skin, like a long lost friend. After a moment of hesitation, he stepped outside and took a deep breath of the summer air.

 

Somewhere inside, he knew that he loved to be outside. He closed his eyes and let a small smile play on his lips. When he opened them, however, he was startled by movement in the bushes to his right. Reaching in his pocket to clutch his cell phone, prepared to hold down the end button, he slowly approached the bushes. 

 

Fear coursed through his mind, all the nerves in his body told him to run. He ran his hand over the bush, shaking it and watched as a kitten popped out the bottom. Eren sighed in relief. He knelt and extended a hand to the kitten. It stepped forward and sniffed his fingers before rubbing itself on him. Eren smiled and scratched it behind the ears. The kitten hopped up into Eren’s lap and mewled as Eren laughed silently. 

 

He scooped it into his arms and carried it back inside the house. Eren carried the tiny kitten all the way into the lab and was amused when Hanji looked both confused and totally in love with the furry creature when he held it out in front of her face. 

 

“Oh, she’s so cute!” She squealed. “Where’s her momma?”

 

Eren shrugged and motioned openly behind him. 

 

“Where’d you get her?” Hanji asked, as if it had just dawned on her that there were no cats in the mansion.

 

Eren repeated the same open motion. The kitten mewled again as she found one of Eren’s fingers a particularly interesting toy, swatting at it when he wiggled it. He smiled down at her and stroked his fingers through the soft fur.

 

“Well, wherever you just magicked a kitten out of, it appears as though you are smitten,” Hanji looked amused as she watched the exchange.

 

Eren nodded and Hanji smiled fondly. “You know, animals are very good for emotional support. Stay right here, I’ll be right back.” Hanji headed out of the room and returned a minute later with a can of salmon. She handed it to Eren with a small bowl.

 

Eren cracked the can and poured the contents into the bowl placing both it and the kitten on the floor. After a sniff, she dove head first into the food and mewled happily.

 

_Do you think Levi will let me keep her?_

 

“I won’t let him say no,” Hanji reassured. “What do you think you want to name her?”

 

Eren thought about it for a few minutes before typing.

 

_What do you think of Lily?_

 

“...Lily?” Hanji’s eyes widened slightly. “Does that name mean something to you, Eren?”

 

Eren shook his head, confusion written on his face. 

 

_Should it?_

 

Hanji just gaped at him, but before she could say a word, Levi entered the room, redressed in his usual clothes. “Why is there a cat?”

 

“Levi!” Hanji scooped Lily off the floor and held her out in front of Levi. “Meet Lily. Eren found her and named her.”

 

Levi’s mouth opened as he stared at the kitten who scrambled in Hanji’s hands, trying to get back to her food. Hanji let her down and the kitten happily bounced back to the bowl. 

 

“Lily?” He raised an eyebrow at Hanji.

 

She shrugged slightly and held up her hands. “I didn’t say a word.”

 

_Someone want to explain to me what’s going on?_

 

“No,” Levi said as Hanji made a face and shrugged slightly. Eren sighed, exasperated. Then he grinned evilly. 

 

_Hey, Hanji, did you know that Levi can make jokes?_

 

Levi scowled and Hanji made a shocked face, playing along with Eren’s little revenge for having info withheld from him. “No, I didn’t think it was possible.”

 

_And when you call him out on it he turns all red._

 

“You must be mistaken, Eren! Our Heichou doesn’t have such emotions!” Hanji scoffed, her eyes twinkling.

 

“Cut it out,” Levi growled, looking between the two, his tinged cheeks betraying his gruff voice. Eren stuck out his tongue and Hanji giggled. 

 

“That’s not a way for subordinates to act.” Levi grumbled.

 

“Oops, my apologies, Heichou,” Hanji gave a slightly exaggerated bow and Eren followed suit, holding out his phone as he bowed.

 

_What she said, Heichou._

 

Levi’s mouth opened and then he muttered. “ Calling me Levi is fine…”

 

Eren felt a smile play on his lips as Levi looked away from the pair at Lily who was now rolling around on the floor, swatting at Levi’s pant leg.

 

“Of course, Lily is staying with Eren, right?” Hanji said, more of a statement than a question.

 

Levi nodded and studied the kitten as Eren scooped her up and nuzzled her fur. “She can stay.”

 

“We should get some toys and cat food and maybe a collar,” Hanji said, excited. She bounced over to the door and then stopped and turned around. “Eren, want to come?”

 

Eren’s mouth fell open. Though he had stepped outside the door on his own, the thought of actually LEAVING seemed nearly impossible. He fumbled with his phone, his fingers shaking too much to open the text app correctly. Lily meowed and nuzzled under Eren’s chin, as if sensing his distress.

 

Before he could even manage to start typing, Levi spoke quietly. “I’ll go as well.”

 

Eren’s hand on his phone stilled. ‘The safest place on Earth is by Levi’s side’ his mind supplied. Slowly he nodded and then typed on his phone.

 

_I’m going to put Lily in my room for now, then._

 

Hanji and Levi nodded and soon the trio were heading out to a local pet store, the situation seeming oddly familiar as Levi and Eren climbed into the back seat and Hanji settled in to drive.

 

``~`**`~``

 

The trip was uneventful, but the actual experience of being in a somewhat crowded store had all of Eren’s nerves standing at attention. His clothes seemed to be too rough against his skin. There were so many sounds that overwhelmed his hearing. He tried to focus his eyes only on Hanji and Levi, but they kept darting around, looking at the faces of the people around him, terrified that he would recognize one of them as his captors. His hands shook and he nearly fell over in terror when Levi’s phone rang.

 

Hanji was trying to talk Eren through his fear, trying to distract him from his own mind, pointing to different things. At some point, Levi stepped away to continue his phone conversation, but Eren couldn’t remember when. His absence didn’t help Eren’s mind. He barely caught it when Hanji smiled apologetically and said, “It’s about family business.”

 

After muddling through the shopping, Hanji having ended up picking out whatever it was they were buying for Lily because Eren couldn’t even tell what they were looking at this point over the roar in him brain, she led them to the registers.

 

“Wait right there, Eren, I just have to pay for this stuff,” Hanji smiled gently, and pointed to a spot just beyond the registers. Eren nodded and walked over to where she had indicated. He clutched his phone, feeling like it was a weak lifeline between him and whatever was around him. 

 

As he watched Hanji joke with the cashier, her back to him, he felt hands grab him from the side, pulling him out the door. ‘Panic. Terror. Help. No, don't take me! Help me! Don’t hurt me! Levi!!! PRESS THE BUTTON’ his mind shot off the sensors and his hand moved on auto pilot, pressing and holding the end button on his phone. 

 

The phone was smacked from his hand as he was dragged further into the parking lot. Eren caught a glimpse of the person dragging him, and his terror grew as he recognized the man. It was one of them. ‘Oh god, oh god, oh god, no, help help helphelphelp’

 

“I thought you were never going to be away from those assholes,” the man grunted. “Thought I was going to lose my favorite plaything again.” 

 

The sick grin on the man’s face almost made Eren throw up. He struggled, tried to pull away, anything to get away from the man, but his grip held fast.

 

And then the man was ripped away from Eren. Hanji pulled Eren behind her, shielding him as he registered Levi pounding the man into the ground. He just kept hitting him, Eren noticing the sound of bones cracking under Levi’s relentless punching. It wasn’t until Levi reached for the knife that was always holstered to his belt that Hanji reached out and placed a hand on Levi’s shoulder, stilling him. 

 

“Isn’t that enough, Heichou?” She said softly.

 

Slowly Levi turned to her, holding the man’s broken arm, exposing the tattoo there, a crest with what looked like a unicorn in it. Eren recoiled, recognizing it from all the men who has tortured him. Levi’s eyes were so dark, swirling with rage and hatred, the look that even Hanji wouldn’t try to argue with. 

 

She stepped back and turned to Eren, taking his face in her hands. “Close your eyes, Eren.” She said, pressing her hands to his ears. Even as she held on to him, he could hear the man’s screams.

 

When Hanji finally released him, she had walked him backwards to the car, away from Levi and the man. She opened the door for him and he numbly climbed in. She got in the front and started the car, driving it around the building before idling. After a few minutes, Levi came around the corner and climbed into the car, blood splattered across his usually pristine clothes.

 

Hanji didn’t say a word, pulling the car away, driving back to the house. Eren stared at Levi, his mouth open ever so slightly. After a few moments, Levi turned to him, his face again holding it’s usual blank expression. 

 

“Are you alright?” Levi asked, almost sounding gentle. He held out Eren’s phone, having retrieved it from the parking lot.

 

Eren suddenly became aware of the tears streaming down his own face as he accepted the phone. Opening and closing his mouth a few times he finally choked, rusty and broken. “Le…vi…”

 

Levi’s eyes opened wide and he looked at Eren, stunned. Eren reached out for him, finally collapsing forward, his head landing in Levi’s lap. “Levi.” He whispered, the name coming out better this time. 

 

After a moment, Levi stroked his hair and said softly, “I got your message.”

 

Despite the logical part of Eren’s mind telling him that he just watched Levi beat a man nearly to death, and most probably killed him while Hanji tried to take Eren from the situation and that if anything that should make Eren afraid, he found himself nuzzle into Levi further. Because even though Eren was aware that Levi’s strength was frightening, he also knew that strength was used to protect him. And now those same hands were gently running through his hair, and Eren could accept how truly scary Levi could be as long as he touched Eren like this afterwards. 

 

Pulling up to the house, Levi carried Eren into the house just like he had on the day he had been rescued. Even though Eren knew he would be fine walking on his own, he allowed Levi to carry him until they reached Eren’s room. Levi placed Eren on the bed, but didn’t move afterwards, just leaning over Eren, his head angled so Eren couldn’t see his face, hands on either side of the younger man. It took a second, but Eren noticed that Levi’s breathing was uneven.

 

Eren reached out and touched Levi’s shoulder, despite having spoken in the car, his voice seemed difficult to use, so instead he massaged his finger tips into Levi’s shoulder. After a few minutes Levi finally spoke.

 

“I thought I was going to lose you again,” he said. He didn't move and Eren couldn't see his eyes, but the slightest inflection in his voice told Eren that Levi was struggling.

 

Slowly, Eren reached out to touch Levi’s face, cupping the side in his palm and turned Levi to look at him. Smiling gently, trying to reassure Levi, anything to relax the older man. 

 

He opened his mouth, pushing out the words that seemed like the only things he could say right now. “Levi. Safe.”

 

“Even after seeing me like that, you say that?” Levi asked, his voice barely a whisper.

 

Eren nodded. “Kept me safe.”

 

Eren studied Levi’s face, something deep inside him pulling at him, telling him what to do. After a few moments, Eren let his hand slide back, running through Levi’s hair before settling at the back of his head. Without hesitation, he leaned forward and pressed his lips to Levi’s gently.

 

Levi seemed frozen for a few seconds before he responded to the kiss, returning the soft pressure. And it felt GOOD. Eren couldn’t believe how good it felt. It was like there was no where else his lips belonged. 

 

But his mind betrayed him again, flashing to those days int the warehouse where the men had crushed their lips against his, even as they abused his body. Eren stiffened and whimpered against Levi. Immediately, Levi pulled back, studying Eren’s face. Eren lifted his hands to cover his face, hating his own mind, wanting Levi close but being afraid his brain will supply more images…

 

Levi’s hands appeared on his shoulders, at first causing Eren to flinch, but the gentle pressure guided Eren to lie down. As he did, he felt a movement on the bed as Lily leapt up and bumped her face against Eren’s hands until he pulled them away from his face and ran his fingers through her soft fur. Levi stood and watched as Eren’s breath, which had sped up significantly, began to even out again as Eren stroked the cat. Once he was certain Eren was alright, he moved to leave, only to find Eren’s hand clutching his shirt sleeve. 

 

“Don’t,” Eren whispered.

 

“I won’t leave you. Just let me change in the bathroom,” Levi said.

 

Eren nodded, wondering how he had managed to forget that Levi’s clothes were stained wth someone else’s blood. After a minute, Levi had returned to Eren’s side and after a few seconds of hesitation, he settled on the bed next to Eren. Eren turned and snuggled against Levi, Lily making herself comfortable between the two men.

 

When Hanji returned from having gone back to the store to get all of the things they had left there, she found the men dozing off like that. A soft smile playing on her lips, she left the bags just inside the room, doing her best not to disturb the sleeping occupants. 

 


	9. Chapter 9

Levi woke first. The memories of Eren kissing him flooding him his brain. He felt a tightness in his chest. Carefully, as not to wake the other occupants, he scooted off the bed. He called Armin to take up post watching over Eren and went down to the dojo to work out some of the stress and… feelings that had begun to build up inside himself. 

After about 45 minutes of working through his emotions, there was a voice at the door. “Do you think it’s healthy?”

Levi laid down the blades he had been working with and turned to see Hanji in the door. She was leaning on the doorframe, giving him that certain look that he new would lead to her giving him some sort of lecture. It was at times like this he couldn’t even pull rank on her, it wouldn’t do any good.

He sighed. “What?”

Hanji stepped into the room and handed Levi a towel. “It’s just, we’ve been working through the ranks of the MP for a month and a half now. Every time you get your hands on one of them you torture them as if they personally hurt Eren. That’s a level of sadism that is new, even for you, Heichou,” She sent him a pointed look. “But it’s not helping you, is it? Ever since you picked up a blade, I’ve watched you do those blade dances. I’d never seen them portray as much pain as when Eren was taken, until now. It’s worse now, isn’t it? In here?” Hanji stepped forward and touched Levi’s forehead.

After a second, Levi pushed her hand away. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Alright. Let’s put it this way. No matter how many MP you beat, torture and kill, it’s not going to fix Eren. No measure of revenge is going to bring back his memories. The only chance we have with him is to be patient and caring and understanding and help him through recovery. That doesn’t involve revenge. I think, both you and I have been much to focused on bringing the MP to justice and not nearly focused enough on helping Eren. This is what I realized as I took care of a terrified young man as you beat his assailant to death. And despite that…. DESPITE THAT he loves you, Levi. He mind might not remember what it means, but his heart remembers. The first word he’s spoken in over a month was your name. I’m not saying we give up on justice for Eren, but I don’t know if this way is helping anyone,” Hanji finished talking and sighed. 

“Hanji,” Levi said quietly, looking at the ground. “He will be safer when he can be away from me, but to do that, we have to erase the organization that would target him on his own. That’s what I realized during that same period of time. That is what we will do, until I can set him free… of me.”

“Do you really still plan to leave him? He named the cat Lily for god sakes…” Hanji asked.

“Yes. It’s for his sake. And that’s why, when the time comes, make certain that I let him go, Hanji,” Levi replied, pushing past her and out the door, but he hesitated for a moment. “It might have been a coincidence.”

“And if I say no?” Hanji called after him.

“I’ll kill you. It’s an order,” Levi said, no emotion showing in his voice.

Hanji sighed. “Fine. But I won’t stop him either.”

Levi looked sharply over his shoulder, about to ask for clarification but Hanji had already turned away and headed towards her lab.

 

``~`**`~``

 

As Eren slowly began to wake up, he noted Armin sitting in the chair by the bed, Levi no where in sight. He blinked sleepily at the blonde and opened his mouth and was frustrated when his vocal cords decided he wasn’t using his words today.

Lily mewled and jumped off the bed, pawing at the bags that Hanji had left just inside the room. Eren smiled softly and followed her over to them, retrieving a bowl and cat food, setting it up for the kitten. As she happily ate, he set up a cat bed and scratching post in the corner, Armin helping unpack the rest of the bags.

“How are you feeling, Eren?” He asked cheerfully.

Eren reached for his phone that had been placed on the bedside table and opened the text app.

 

_I’m okay. Where’s Levi?_

 

“Heichou wanted to do some work out, so he’s probably in the dojo. I’m sure he’ll be back soon,” Armin replied.

 

_Did he seem alright?_

 

Armin looked confused. “He looked pretty normal…”

Eren nodded and absent-mindedly ran his fingers over the keys of the phone. Was that kiss a dream? He wasn’t entirely sure, his brain still not able to quite discern reality from dreams. 

Suddenly the door swung open, Eren looking up sharply, nervous. Levi stood there and barely glanced at Eren before he turned to Armin.

“Wait outside. I’ll need you to stay here until I send Hanji to relieve you later,” he said, all business. Armin bowed and stepped out of the room, pulling the door her behind him.

Eren looked curiously at Levi.

“Eren,” Levi turned to Eren, his face blank. “Don’t do what you did last night again.”

Eren’s eyes widened and he immediately began typing.

 

_You kissed me back._

 

Levi’s eyes flashed so fast that Eren almost missed it. It was that emotion that Eren wasn’t entirely certain of. “Call it heat of the moment. We can’t… YOU can’t become involved with me any more.”

 

_I’m safe with you._

 

“No, you’re not. And maybe I can’t handle becoming involved with you either. No matter what it is…” Levi’s voice drifted off as Eren stepped forward, reaching for him. “Don’t. Don’t come any closer to me. Don’t touch me.”

Eren opened and closed his mouth, watching Levi step backwards towards the door, only to have it slam open, Hanji grabbing Levi around the neck, pulling him from the room. 

Eren ran forward, watching as Hanji dragged the older man down the hallway until he planted his feet and threw her, leaning over her, that knife he always had pointed right at her neck. Hanji slowly raised her hands in surrender.

Eren shrank back into the room, terror filling his heart. He sunk to the floor and began to dig his nails into his arms, sobs shaking his body as weak sounds came out his throat. 

He was dimly aware of Hanji talking to Levi outside where he still had her pinned. “You can hear it, cant you? Eren is breaking down. Let me help him, you can kill me afterwards. Heichou, let me help him,” Hanji spoke calmly. 

After a few moments, he could hear Armin whisper, “I’m sorry for calling you, I just didn’t know what to do…”

“You did right. Just leave me with Eren now,” she said softly and then she was there, kneeling in front of Eren.

“Hey, Eren, can you stop scratching your arms for me? Here, hold Lily instead, she wants to cuddle,” Hanji said gently, holding out the kitten she had scooped up on the way to him.

Eren released his arms and took the cat instead, burying his face into her soft fur. She gently swatted his head with her paws and then nuzzled him. His whole body shook as he cried into Lily, the cat being surprisingly calm while being clutched by a distressed human.

“Eren, can I come hug you?” Hanji asked, her voice betraying her sadness. Eren nodded and she scooted over, wrapping her arms around the young man, who seemed so much smaller right now than he had over the past few weeks.

Lily purred as she nuzzled Eren, and slowly, through a combination of Lily’s purring and Hanji’s soft reassurances, Eren began to calm down.

“Levi is wrong. I’m not denying that, but he is trying to protect you, Eren,” Hanji said finally.

Eren finally managed to type to her, despite one hand being occupied my holding Lily.

 

_That wasn’t Levi._

 

“Hm… No, that was definitely more Levi than he has been in a very long time. There was no mask of Heichou that usually stops his behavior. He is hurting and he lashed out at me, the one who knows exactly how to handle such things. He won’t hurt me for real, Eren. He just let some of the pain that he usually keeps deeply buried through,” Hanji explained, still holding Eren close.

Eren shook his head. No, that Levi scared him. It wasn’t the kind one that stroked his hair or let Eren snuggle him in his sleep. It was a Levi that pushed Eren away, and he didn’t like it one bit. It occurred to him that perhaps, he had allowed himself to feel too happy. Perhaps, now that he was admitting that he liked being here to his own mind, the dream world was falling apart. Perhaps, the next time he woke up in that warehouse, he would never return to this dream.

After some time, Hanji coaxed Eren to sit on the bed and even though she spoke to him, he just stared blankly at the floor, his only movement a few fingers carding through Lily’s fur. He didn't even notice when she left, leaving Armin to look after him.

 

_``~`**`~``_

 

Hanji stood in the doorway to her lab, watching Levi sitting limply on a stool. She didn’t say a word, just stared at him and he couldn’t even match her gaze. She waited, her stare boring into Levi.

Finally, after several minutes he spoke. “I won’t kill you.”

Hanji scoffed. “I’m well aware of that, Heichou. Do you really think that was the smartest thing to do?”

“I had to…” Levi’s hands clenched into fists.

DAMN IT ALL LEVI,” Hanji yelled, uncharacteristically angry. Her outburst actually caused Levi to flinch. She paused, reigning in her emotions and taking deep breaths. “You may have just undone a month and a half of progress. But more than that, don't you think you’re giving Eren too little credit? Keeping things from him like he’s a child that can remain blissfully ignorant… And then let’s forget Eren for a second here, what are you doing to yourself?”

Levi looked up, all of the usual sharpness from that look missing. “What?”

Hanji ran her palm over her face, sighing deeply. “Maybe you can’t see yourself right now, but the rest of us can. Remember that as you conduct yourself, especially around the broken young man you’re so desperately pushing way. But for the love of god, if nothing else, talk to me. I’m here to support you, Levi.”

Levi looked down for a few moments before he spoke. “Do you think he knows what ‘Lily’ is?”

Hanji thought it over. “Not consciously. I asked him if the name meant anything to him but he was just confused. But if that was the name he came up with, somewhere inside him that name is special to him… As it should be.” She riffled through a drawer and then slid a photo over to Levi.

It was a picture from Eren and Levi’s wedding, during the ceremony itself where the two had their hands joined, the stem of a lily carefully wrapped around them. Levi reached out and gently ran his fingers over the photo.

“It was his idea… Because I love lilies… Make them the symbol of our love…” Levi’s body tensed as he tried to keep from crying.

“I know, Levi. And some part of him remembers that lilies are special, or he wouldn’t have named the cat as such. Now, instead of pushing him away, lets’s see if we can make him remember why?” Hanji said gently.

Levi shook his head and stood. “Maybe it’s better he never remembers.”

“So you just want to give up?” Hanji challenged.

Levi sighed. “I don’t know.”

Hanji clenched her fists, irritation finally snapping her patience. “Sometimes, I wish you’d just kill me and get it over with.”

Levi regarded her in silence for a few moments. “I understand your concerns. I will monitor my behavior. However, any recovery you think I need to make will take place after we take down the MP. Has there been any advancement since the last intel we got?” He asked calmly.

Hanji shook her head, deciding that, though a battle well fought, she wasn’t going to get any further talking to Levi. “No, I’ve been a little busy here, though…”

Levi nodded. “I intend to take more trips to the site myself. I think Armin should be able to watch over Eren a bit more.”

Hanji hesitated before nodding in acceptance. Somehow, she felt this could be a very dangerous thing. Levi, lost in his own anger and pain, taking it out on a bunch of MP… She worried for her boss and oldest friend’s mental health more than anything else. And she worried for the young man stuck in his own mind upstairs.

As she watched Levi leave the room, she muttered to herself, “this might be a little too much, even for you, Maniac Scientist…”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, guys, in case it isn't apparent, I fudged ages for this fic. Just because in this chapter Hanji and Levi's ages are mentioned, I decided to explain why this totally isn't creepy. Hanji and Levi are currently 27, while Eren is 24 (sadly his birthday passed while he was in captivity-in fic it's August). When Eren started popping up and pursuing Levi, Eren was 17 and Levi was 21. Levi turned him down over and over until a year later when they were 18 and 22. They moved in together at 19 and 23, got married at 21 and 25. Yay math, super yay not creepy age differences.
> 
> Also, in case you were wonder when their birthdays are because I got weirdly invested in investigating this, Eren's is March 30th, Hanji's is September 5 and Levi's is December 25.

Eren hadn’t moved since Hanji left. How long had it been? Armin had tried to talk to him, but he couldn’t hear the blonde over the roar in his mind. ‘I told you they were going to get tired of playing babysitter’ his mind said. ‘I told you that you were undesirable’ it taunted. Eren tightened his grip around Lily.

She mewed and rubbed her face against his cheek, sensing his distress. Despite her best efforts, all her presence accomplished was keeping Eren’s nails from digging into his own skin. She couldn't keep his own mind from swallowing him up.

Eventually, he fell asleep, waking up in the warehouse, strapped to a chair. He tried to scream, but the leather strap between hims teeth successfully gagged him. Someone was asking him questions, but he couldn’t hear them. He felt electrical current pump through him, and the person spoke again, resulting in the same thing. It happened over and over, until Eren passed out.

When he woke back up, he was still there, in that small room. The men who always came to use his body were surrounding him, sick grins on their faces. Eren struggled, but they just hit him more as they took from him. Again, after enduring as much as he could, Eren passed out.

When he finally woke again, he found Lily pawing at his face. He looked around the room, seeing Armin asleep in the chair by the bed. He understood now. This beautiful dream was breaking down because he pushed Levi too far. Now his mind wasn’t allowing him to come back here as often. Maybe one day soon, he wouldn’t be able to come back at all. He hugged Lily close to him as silent sobs rocked his body. He stayed like that until he ran out of tears and then he just lay, curled around Lily.

After what seemed like an eternity, there was a knock on the door and Armin groggily stood to answer it. Hanji stood there, her usual happy grin pasted on her face.

“Hiya there, boys! I’m here to see if Eren wants to do some training today,” she said. 

Eren slowly stood up, leaving Lily on the bed and nodded. Hanji brought him down to the dojo and started the training, but after 10 minutes she stopped, looking at him curiously.

“What’s up, Eren. You’re moving like a zombie,” she asked.

 

_Where’s Levi?_

 

Hanji studied the phone for a few seconds before answering. “He’s going to be a bit more busy now, Eren. I will still train you every day and Armin will look after you, but I’m not certain when Levi will be able to again…”

Eren nodded and dropped his eyes to the floor. ‘Told you!’ His mind squealed in sadistic glee. 

“Eren…” Hanji struggled for a second and then her face hardened. “Fuck him. Seriously, fuck Levi. You don’t need him, Eren. You concentrate on getting better and stronger until you can even kick that sourpuss’s ass and then see if he can go around being an idiot at that point.”

Eren looked up, surprised.

 

_Are you fighting?_

 

Hanji laughed. “You could say that. I’ve known the man for 22 years, since we were both 5, been pledged to him for about half of that. I think, after all this time, I can take a side that isn't his just once. And I’m not saying I won’t be his right hand man, so to speak. No, I will continue to do as I promised, but at the same time, I am going to fight for you, Eren. Because I don’t think there is anyone in this world who can heal that stubborn idiot of a man like you can, even if he refuses to admit it right now.”

 

_I don’t know how long I will be here._

 

Hanji looked alarmed. “what do you mean?”

 

_The dream is breaking down. I’m spending more time_

_there than here. I don't know if I’ll be here long enough_

_to help you. I’ll try to hang on for you._

 

Hanji bit her lip. She thought over her answer for a while before speaking again. “Well, if you end up stuck there, let’s teach you as much hand to hand as we can so you can fight your way back here. I’ll wait for you, Eren, and so will Levi.”

Eren slowly nodded and the lesson picked up again, Eren working with renewed vigor.

 

_``~`**`~``_

 

Before Eren knew it, another week had passed. Then a month. And the two. Despite the fact that he hadn’t spoken again, and he only slept when absolutely necessary to avoid the warehouse as much as possible, he was getting so much stronger. Hanji was a good teacher and he could now hit the target in firearms practice with impressive accuracy and had bested both Armin and Hanji in combat.

He rarely saw Levi anymore, and Hanji was kept busy by Levi’s missions for her, but she always found time to work with Eren. Despite the fact that every time he did see Levi, the older man was almost cold towards him, Eren was determined to win his recognition, causing him to work harder. When the feelings overwhelmed him, he’s sob silently to himself and hug Lily, the cat becoming his lifeline. 

It was on a day like any other that Eren went to the dojo alone to warm up before Hanji would come to guide him through exercises. Being alone some mornings in the dojo was a privilege he had earned over the past few weeks, even though his time was still mostly monitored. As he pushed through the warm ups, he became aware of the feeling of eyes on him. He turned to the door and saw Levi standing just inside the room, watching him. He blinked in confusion, not having expected to see Levi.

“Hanji tells me she has nothing else she can teach you,” Levi said.

Eren nodded after thinking about it, realizing that Hanji’s teaching had slowed recently.

“Show me,” Levi stepped forward.

Eren stared at Levi for a long moment before all of the emotion boiled over inside him. All of the anger and hurt and feelings of abandonment… He moved without thinking throwing himself into fighting Levi, the older man parrying all of his blows flawlessly. It just made him more furious, being unable to land a single punch.

Finally, FINALLY after a long drawn out match, Eren’s fist connected with the side of Levi’s face and Levi made a surprised sound before he knocked Eren on his ass. His hand lifted to his face as Eren watched from the floor, having decidedly lost, but still feeling triumphant. It wasn’t until that moment that Eren realized his eye sight was partially blurred and it occurred to him that he was crying. He immediately pulled his knees to his chest, wishing Lily was near by.

Levi sat on the floor across from Eren. “You’ve made good progress.” He said after a moment. Eren didn't move to respond.

Levi sighed. “Has Hanji told you I am an idiot?”

Eren’s head shot up at that and he nodded.

“If you’re upset with me enough to fight that hard in a sparring match, then she might not be all that far off,” Levi said casually, studying his nails as he did.

After a moment, Eren took out his phone.

 

_Well she’s known you long enough to know._

 

Levi coughed slightly, and if Eren didn’t know better, he would have said it was to cover a laugh.

 

_I thought you wouldn’t talk to me like this again._

 

“Neither did I, until you rage punched your feelings into me while crying. That leaves a bit of an impression,” Levi raised an eyebrow. “You didn’t even pull the punch.”

 

_It might turn black and blue._

 

Levi nodded. “You look happier with that than you should.” 

 

_You pissed me off._

 

This time Levi’s coughing as definitely a cover for laughter. He covered his face with his palm and shook his head. “Knowing I’m going to regret this, will you go somewhere with me?”

Eren’s head shot up and he almost looked like he was about to say no.

“Not off the property. There’s an area in the back I want you to see,” Levi said. 

After a second, Eren nodded. He allowed Levi to help him stand and then himself to be lead out the back of the house. It was a ways down the path that they stopped in front of a wooden gate. Eren’s curiosity peaked as this place seemed familiar, his mind tugging towards a foggy part of his memory he couldn't see.

“This was yours,” Levi said softly. “You spent a lot of time here. They should be…”

Eren stepped forward and pushed open the gate, exposing a small garden, full of lilies in full bloom. His mouth fell open as he stepped forward. 

“Armin looked after it while you were… not here,” Levi said, his eyes soft as he watched Eren walk forward and drop to his knees in front of the flowers.

Suddenly, Eren froze. Levi stepped forward in concern and reached to touch his shoulder. That touch broke Eren from his trance and he reached into his pocket, pulling out his phone and frantically typing.

 

_It’s your favorite flower. I did this for you._

 

Slowly, Levi nodded. “You would even make tea with them for me.”

 

_Because you don’t drink coffee. So I’d make you_

_special tea…_

 

Levi nodded again as Eren began to pick a few of the lilies. He stood and walked to another section of the garden and picked a few leaves off a different plant after smelling it. 

“What are you doing, Eren?” Levi finally asked.

Eren paused in he wander around the garden. 

 

_I remember how to do it._

 

“You remember?” Levi watched him, almost looking nervous. “Did you remember anything else?”

Eren shook his head and finished collecting what he needed, walking expectantly up to Levi. Levi got the message and lead Eren to the kitchen. Eren stood in the kitchen for a minute, biting his lip. Levi was about to say something when Eren pointed to a seat at the table and moved over to a drawer and opened it slowly.

Nodding to himself, he took at a small spool and closed the drawer. Levi watched with fascination as Eren seemed to instinctually find everything he needed and set some water to bowl before he started making balls with the flowers and leaves he had brought, wrapping them in the thin string off the spool.

When the water boiled he poured it into a glass pot and placed one of the balls into it before placing it in front of Levi with a cup. He smiled triumphantly as the ball opened in the hot water, creating a beautiful explosion if color in the water while beginning to dye it a yellowish brown. Sitting down across from Levi, Eren nodded to himself in approval.

 

_Blooming tea… Right?_

 

Levi nodded, staring at the glass pot. It was then that Hanji spoke from behind Eren, making her presence known.

“It seems like forever since I’ve seen that,” she said, and neither Eren or Levi could quite tell what she was referring to.

Eren looked between them, realizing that since two months ago when he saw Levi throw Hanji, he hadn’t seen the two of them together. It couldn't be that…

He jumped to his feet and instinctively put himself between the two of them. 

 

_Don’t hurt her._

 

Levi’s eyes widened as he watched the display and then they flashed with pain before he opened his mouth, but Hanji spoke up before he could.

“I told you he wasn't really going to hurt me, Eren. And it’s been two months, I couldn't possibly have avoided Heichou for that long. You don’t have to protect me,” Hanji said, placing her hands on his shoulders.

Eren looked back at her guiltily and Hanji flat out laughed. “You’re not protecting me, are you? Protecting Heichou from making bad decisions?”

Eren bit his lip and did the ‘sort of’ motion with his hand.

“I must not be doing very well if Eren has to protect me…” Levi muttered.

“And that’s what I’ve been telling you,” Hanji replied, stepping past Eren and taking one of the other free seats at the table. She caught Eren making the ‘sort of’ motion again with his hand before he sat back down, too. He had done it out of Levi’s range of sight and it was all she could do not to giggle. 

“I’m glad to see you two talking, though,” she said.

“He punched me,” Levi shrugged.

“Is that why you’re developing a black eye there?” Hanji asked casually, pouring the tea Eren had made into three cups.

“You taught him to spar well,” Levi said, without hesitation. 

“Wait, he punched you while sparring?” Hanji asked, looking surprised.

 

_You thought I just walked up and slugged him??_

 

After a moment Hanji laughed. “Kinda, yeah.”

Eren looked mildly offended and Levi just barely managed to stifled his amusement.

“Hey, Levi, when was the last time you were hit in a fight?” Hanji asked, unable to suppress how impressed she was.

Levi sipped his tea. “Years. Maybe a decade.”

It was Eren’s turn to be surprised.

 

_Really?_

 

Levi nodded, and Hanji turned and openly high fived Eren. Levi raised an eyebrow.

“I told you you could do it,” Hanji cheered.

Something about this situation, the three of them together talking like this was comforting to Eren. He felt his eyes growing heavy and his head lolling forward. Fighting it, afraid suddenly, he tried to hold his head up, but his eyes refused to stay open and even as Hanji and Levi called to him, he fell into a deep sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Blooming tea is actually a thing, and it's super pretty. I've included a link to one made with lilies in case anyone was wondering what it looked like. https://www.teasenz.com/media/catalog/product/cache/1/image/da9fd0bd08f2aa98567783f9bb101e38/_/o/_osmanthus_lily_blooming_tea_glf-a02_2.jpg


	11. Chapter 11

For the first time since Levi had stopped talking to him, Eren didn’t go to the warehouse once his eyes closed. But he didn’t remain dreamless, either. This time, he woke in a sunlight filled room, curled up on a couch. As he blinked sleepily, an amused voice came from above him.

“Good nap there, sleeping beauty?”

As his sight came into focus, Eren realized that he was curled with his head in Levi’s lap. Levi was looking down at him, holding a book in his hand, his eyes shining.

Eren sat up and opened his mouth to speak before he remembered he couldn’t. Instead he just nodded and stared at Levi in confusion.

“What’s wrong, love?” Levi asked, looking concerned.

Eren just pointed at him with one hand, searching his pockets for his phone. Frustrated, he couldn’t find it. He took the book out of Levi’s hand and grabbed a pen that was on the coffee table next to them.

 

_Sleeping beauty? Love??_

 

Levi’s look of concern deepened. “What’s going on with you?”

Eren scribbled in the book.

 

_I could ask you the same thing._

 

“If you didn’t like me calling you things like that, you could have just said it. Why aren’t you saying it…?” Levi stared at the book. “And why are you writing in my novel?”

Eren stared at Levi blankly until the older man reached out and touched his face gently. “Really, what’s up with you? Are you alright?”

As Eren went to write again the world slipped away into blackness and Eren opened his eyes, recognizing the ceiling of his bedroom. He sat bolt upright and looked around, noting Levi sitting in the chair by the bed.

Eren pointed at him in shock, feeling a sense of deja vu.

“Eren… Have you been sleeping?” Levi asked.

Eren slapped his head, unsure if he was disappointed or relieved that this Levi wasn’t calling him by pet names.

“What’s going on in your head right now?” Levi asked.

Looking around, Eren spotted his phone on the night stand.

 

_I just had a dream._

 

“Good or bad?” Levi leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees.

Eren just gaped at Levi, not entirely sure how to answer that. The dream was nice, but it seemed even more like fiction than anything else.

 

_You called me something._

 

“In your dream?” Levi raised an eyebrow. 

Eren nodded.

“What?” Levi asked.

 

_Sleeping beauty… And something else._

 

Levi’s eyebrow raised higher, his body tensing a little. “What else?”

Eren hesitated, but then committed, typing again.

 

_Love._

 

“Oh,” Levi breathed out. “I’m… I’m sorry.”

Confusion flared inside Eren before comprehension fell over his face. ‘It’s not real, Levi doesn't want to have anything to do with your disgusting self’ his brain supplied.

 

_Don’t have to apologize. I know what I am._

 

“What you are?” Levi asked.

 

_Both body and mind, undesirable. I don’t blame you_

_for not wanting to deal with me anymore._

 

Levi’s head dropped into his hands and he groaned softly. Eren began to to stare at the bed. They stayed this way for several minutes.

Levi picked up the phone that had been dropped once the last message was read. He pressed it into Eren’s hand. Eren looked up again, slightly confused.

“Can you trust me?” Levi asked.

Eren nodded slowly.

“Hold down the end button if you get uncomfortable. I won’t hurt you, Eren.” Levi said softly. He moved over to the bed with Eren and reached for the hem of Eren’s shirt. After studying Eren’s face for discomfort, he pulled the shirt over Eren’s head, then repeated the process with Eren’s pants, leaving the younger man in just his underwear.

He looked over Eren’s body, his eyes following the scars that remained from the wounds that Eren had carved into himself. Eren laid stock still, watching as Levi reached out and ran his fingers over the scars on his arms, tracing them up to meet the ones on his chest.

“What is undesirable? These?” He asked.

Eren nodded.

“I don’t like why they are here, but they don’t make you any less beautiful,” Levi said softly, as his fingers found their way to the scars on Eren’s legs.

“Look, you didn't touch the skin over your tattoo,” he pointed out, touching the tattoo like Eren had done to him in the dojo all those days ago.

Eren looked down, surprised, not having noticed that the skin over his tattoo remain pristine, unscarred. As Levi continued to explore Eren’s scars, Eren lifted his hand, but let it drop just before he reached Levi.

“You can touch me,” Levi said, not looking up.

Eren reached out and took hold of Levi’s arm, pulling him gently. Levi followed the pull, ending up laying against Eren’s side. After a second, Levi pressed a kiss into the scar he was closest to. Eren shivered slightly. Levi lifted himself and traced a scar from Eren’s chest to his stomach with kisses, his free hand tracing a similar one down Eren’s side. Eren went rigid and the beeping of Levi’s phone told him that Eren had pressed the button. 

Levi immediately sat up and grabbed Eren’s shirt from where he had discarded it and held it out for the younger man. Eren hesitantly took it and then put it on as Levi grabbed the pants and held them out as well. Once Eren was redressed, he pulled his knees into his chest and hugged them as Levi silenced the alert on his phone.

They sat in silence for a little while, Eren’s muscles slowly relaxing as Levi sat a respectful distance away.

“I’m tired of hiding,” Levi said finally.

Eren tilted his head, as if asking for clarification.

Levi nodded slightly, taking a deep breath. “I’m in love with you.”

Eren’s breath caught.

“Up until now, I pushed you away, thinking that if I could keep you at arms length, then I could protect you,” Levi stared at his hands.

Eren reached out and touched Levi’s hand, his fingers running over the wedding band. Levi froze.

“I… I can’t keep you safe if you stay with me, Eren,” he whispered, watching Eren’s fingers run over the ring.

Eren mustered all the strength he had fought for over these past few months. He reached deep inside himself and opened his mouth.

“Then don’t. Let me keep myself safe and just love me,” Eren said, his voice coming scratchy and rough, but there.

Levi’s head shot up and his eyes filled with tears. Eren reached out, opening his arms and Levi leaned in to them, their lips connecting, even as hot tears fell from his eyes, mixing into the kiss.

When they broke for air, Eren gently ran his fingers over Levi’s cheeks, brushing away the tears. He smiled when Levi leaned into the touch.

“You really are an idiot,” Eren said softly.

Levi looked at him in surprise, his body tensing, ready to pull back, but Eren shook his head. 

“You were ready to walk away from this,” Eren touched Levi’s ring again.

Levi’s eyes widened and he opened his mouth and then closed it again, unable to find a reply. “You… do you…?”

“No. It’s just, there’s enough evidence to figure it out on my own,” Eren laughed.

Levi took a deep breath and then nodded. “And now you know.”

Eren’s face darkened and he looked down at his own hand. “They took mine, I think.”

Quietly, Levi stood up and walked over to the dresser and opened a small box there. After a moment, he turned and held out his hand for Eren. Eren reached out and Levi dropped something into Eren’s palm. Eyes widening, Eren saw a ring that matched Levi’s in his hand.

“You always took it off to sleep. They came for you at night,” Levi said, his voice thick.

Eren just stared at the ring, and though the memories didn’t come, just holding the ring felt so much like home. Tears welled in his eyes and he held the ring out to Levi. Levi hesitated before taking it back, his shoulders tense. He went to move to put it back in the box but Eren shook his head and held out his hand.

“Please…” Eren whispered. 

Levi’s eyes widened and he nodded before slipping the ring over Eren’s finger and into the place it belonged. Eren smiled at him, the tears falling freely. After a moment of hesitation, Levi removed his own and handed it to Eren, who returned it to it’s place before standing and wrapping his arms around Levi.

The older man fit so well in his embrace, his smaller frame fitting perfectly against Eren’s body. “Don’t leave me again. Please.” Levi whispered into Eren’s chest.

Eren nodded and his arms squeezed tighter around Levi. “Never.”

 

_``~`**`~``_

 

Hanji’s high pitched squeal could probably be heard from anywhere in the mansion. Eren laughed nervously as the woman seemed to implode with excitement. Lily meowed frantically and leapt from Eren’s arms, scooting under one of the desks in the lab.

“You scared my cat,” Eren said, amused.

“I CAN”T HELP IT!” Hanji leapt forward and wrapped her arms around Eren. “You’re talking, I’m so excited! Does this mean you two made up?”

Eren laughed. “You could say that,” he said teasingly.

Levi, who stood behind Eren, rolled his eyes. “Pay better attention, moron.”

Hanji cocked her head to the side and Levi turned away taking Eren’s left hand in his. Eren glanced at him and realized he had turned to hide a light blush on his cheeks. As Hanji’s eyes followed Levi’s movements she squealed again.

“THAT IS WHAT I THINK IT IS, YES???” She screeched.

“You’re too loud,” Levi muttered and pressed his hand to his face. “I’ll be in the dojo.” He quickly walked to the door and exited, leaving Eren alone to face the overly excited Hanji.

Eren smiled slightly at the door as he left. “He’s embarrassed,” he said, his eyes twinkling.

Hanji hugged Eren again. “I haven’t seen him like that in so long. Thank you, Eren.”

Eren shook his head. “I didn't do anything.”

“You did. You might not realize it, but you definitely did,” Hanji grinned and took Eren’s hand, studying the ring. “It looks so RIGHT there.”

Eren smiled and nodded. “And don't worry, I didn't tell him anything about you talking to me.”

“As I didn't receive the wrath of Heichou, I assumed as much,” Hanji replied.

“But you were wrong,” Eren said, looking down.

“About what?” Hanji looked confused. 

“I do need him,” Eren said softly.

Hanji’s face cracked into a smile again. “That is something I don't have any problem being wrong about.”

 

_``~`**`~``_

 

Eren lay in his bed, his arm extended over him, studying the ring on his hand. As big as he had talked earlier, he wished he could remember his relationship with Levi. He knew that Levi was everything that was comfortable in his own mind, undeniably home, but relationships were built on more than that. And according to what he was told, this one was six years in the making.

He sighed and dropped his hand to his side as Lily leapt up to the bed and settled herself on his chest. He ran his fingers through her fur and turned his head as Levi came out of the bathroom. As he walked over, Eren scooted over to make room for Levi on the bed. When he sat down, Lily stretched half her body off Eren and pawed at Levi’s sleeve. Levi looked down at her, mild amusement in his eyes and Eren smiled. 

Eren shifted back over so his body pressed against Levi, Lily moving with him so she was half on Eren’s chest and half in Levi’s lap. This seemed to suit her just fine and she sprawled across them comfortably. They both watched her in silence for a while before Eren reached for his phone and began to type… and then remembered his vocal cords have been cooperating recently.

“She seems happy,” Eren said.

Levi nodded. “If you’re more comfortable typing, it’s alright.”

Eren shook his head as Lily lifted herself and shot off the bed, flouncing out of the room through the crack in the door. Eren laughed and Levi raised an eyebrow.

“Levi,” Eren said softly, looking up at the older man.

Levi watched him, patiently waiting for Eren to continue.

“Let me see your tattoos?” Eren asked, biting his lip.

Levi hesitated but then turned away from Eren and opened his shirt, letting it fall away from his shoulders. Eren reached out and ran his fingers over the tattoos on Levi’s back as he had done before.

“This second one…” He touched the swords.

Levi began to turn his body back around to face Eren, but Eren went stiff and his fingers pressed harshly into Levi’s back. “Don’t turn around. I… I can’t…”

Levi immediately straightened his body and settled for looking over his shoulder at Eren. “It’s alright. You were with me when I got the second one. I got it done a week after we got married,” Levi said.

Eren’s fingers relaxed against Levi and he traced the swords. He bit his lip again and huffed to himself. 

“Eren?” Levi asked, concerned.

“I can’t remember. I want to remember, but I can’t. And how can we have a relationship if I’m like this?” Eren dropped his hands and turned to the side, staring at the foot of the bed. 

Levi pulled his shirt back up and closed it, turning to face Eren. “It will take time. I understand.”

“You want me the way I was. I can’t even look at you facing me with your shirt off. How can I… DO anything?” Eren sighed. 

“As you were or as you are now is irrelevant. I just want you, Eren,” Levi reached out an took Eren’s hand. 

Eren clutched his hand. “You feel like home and I want you to touch me and I don’t want to be afraid of you… But this stupid brain…” Eren hit himself in the head with his free hand.

Levi furrowed his brow at Eren’s action. “Do you think I am going to hurt you?”

Eren shook his head. 

“Then everything else will come with time. Be patient with yourself, Eren,” Levi squeezed Eren’s hand. “We should sleep. I have work to do tomorrow.”

Eren nodded and the two lay together on the bed arms around each other. Eren held Levi tight, refusing to let his mind wander from this very moment until he fell asleep.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, guys, this might be the end of the daily updates for a little, I'll be traveling this weekend so I don't know how often I'll be able to post. I'll do my best but don't worry if it's not daily for the next few days. I'm not abandoning the fic, I'll just have limited internet access. Expect it to be back to normal by Tuesday. Have a great weekend my beautiful angst lovers.

Levi woke up alone. Something wasn’t right. Where was Eren?

He got up, exited the bedroom and went down to Hanji’s lab. She looked up at his entrance and he registered the surprise and sadness on her face. 

“Heichou,” she said. “You’re up.”

“Where is…” Levi couldn't seem to make his mouth work properly and Hanji seemed to understand, offering him a stool. When he had settled himself, she spoke again.

“Heichou… I understand how you are feeling and we are trying to find Eren, but the family needs your attention else where. We have lost so many members in these last few months… I can't keep the family together without you. Please, Heichou there’s only five of us left. At this rate if we find Eren we won’t be able to do anything for him,” Hanji spoke carefully, but with force.

“Where is Eren…” Levi looked up at her.

“We still don’t know. But Levi,” Hanji moved to stand in front of him. “It’s been three months. I really think you should prepare yourself for the worst. You’ve done nothing but try to find him for all this time… But we need you, too.”

“Three months…?” Levi felt panic rising in his heart. He had just been holding his younger husband. Where did Eren go??

Hanji’s phone buzzed. “Heichou. We have a lead. A recently abandoned warehouse.”

“Let’s go,” Levi stood, feeling almost sick to his stomach.

Hanji drove him to the warehouse and as he ran through it, opening the doors he started feeling more and more nervous. Finally, far into the back he found a locked door. He slammed into it, breaking the lock from the door jam and froze.

There was his Eren, his beautiful Eren on the floor. There was blood, so much blood. He walked forward, trying to keep his head, his heart nearly beating out of his chest. He checked the body for a pulse. Nothing. Hanji came down the hall.

“Levi! Did you find him?” She called, but stilled in the doorway.

“Eren…” Levi’s voice caught and he held the still body of his love in his arms and couldn’t stop the tears. 

Hanji was pulling him, trying to move him away, speaking, but he couldn’t hear. Eren was dead and it was all his fault. 

 

_``~`**`~``_

 

“Levi!!”

Levi’s eyes shot open and he sat bolt upright. Looking around frantically he saw Eren sleepily blinking at him.

“Are you okay? You were crying out in your sleep,” Eren said groggily.

Levi steadied his breathing. It was that dream… That same dream he had been having almost every time he slept since Eren was taken. Levi reached out and touched Eren’s face.

“Are you real?” He breathed.

Eren tilted his head to the side and pressed his face into Levi’s hand. “As real as it gets.”

Levi lurched forward, his head landing against Eren’s chest and he sobbed, clutching at any part of Eren he could. “You’re alive. You’re okay.” He choked out the words over and over. 

Eren’s muscled went rigid, but he fought off the wave of fear of being grabbed and wrapped his arms around Levi. “I’m right here. It’s alright. Shh.”

Slowly, Levi’s sobs quieted and he became aware of the stiffness and discomfort radiating from Eren. He pushed himself back and muttered a barely audible apology. Eren took a deep breath, willing his muscles to relax.

“It was just a dream,” Levi shook of the terror he had felt and pushed the image of Eren covered in blood from his mind. 

Eren regarded him with serious eyes. “I think you’re just as messed up as I am.”

Levi laughed sarcastically. “That is a valid observation.”

“Why haven’t you gotten help?” Eren asked.

“I have alternative means of relieving stress,” Levi replied.

“Is it helping? Levi, you just asked me if I was real,” Eren reached out for him and Levi sighed, allowing Eren to run his fingers through his hair.

“Hanji would tell you it isn’t,” Levi said quietly.

“As much as I appreciate Hanji’s opinion, what does Levi say?” Eren replied.

Levi looked up, surprised. “It is effective in some ways.”

Eren nodded and flopped back down in bed. “Come let me hold you.” 

Levi lay down and wrapped his arms around Eren’s waist, resting his head against the younger man’s chest as Eren’s arms came up and wrapped around him. “Don’t disappear…” He whispered.

“I’m going to stay right here, being your pillow and stuff,” Eren whispered back.

The smallest of smiles quirked Levi’s lips. He lay like that until he noted Eren’s breathing evened out, realizing the other man had fallen asleep. He followed shortly after, feeling like Eren’s arms anchored him to this reality, where Eren was alive and safe.

 

_``~`**`~``_

 

When Levi woke again, he sleepily looked up and saw Eren smile down at him. True to his word, Eren hadn't moved, even after having woken up first, he was now scrolling something on his phone. Eren laughed, and Levi could feel it through the other’s chest.

“Your hair is standing up all over,” Eren teased.

Levi reached up to smooth it and grumbled, “You’re one to talk. Yours always looks like you just rolled out of bed.”

“Bed head can be a good look,” Eren shrugged, helping Levi smooth his hair out.

Levi groaned softly and plopped his head back down to Eren’s chest. “I don't want to move…”

“Then don’t,” Eren said, shrugging.

“What time is it?” Levi asked.

“A little after 11. You seemed to be sleeping well so I didn’t want to wake you,” Eren smiled.

“Hanji didn’t come?”  Levi asked, knowing that Hanji should have come to wake him for some work business or another by now.

Eren’s smile turned into a grin. “She would have if I hadn’t sent her this around 8.”

Levi took Eren’s phone and his eyes widened at the text conversation.

 

_E/ Hanji, does Levi have anything important to do today?_

 

_H/ Not super important, just normal business. Why?_

 

_E/ *picture of Levi asleep on Eren’s chest*_

_He seems comfortable is all._

 

_H/ D’aww. He’s going to kill you for that, but noted. I’ll_

_be in the lab._

 

_E/ Okay. I’ll tell him when he wakes up. Thanks._

 

Levi turned to gape at Eren. The younger man just grinned, a sparkle in his eyes.

“What, you really looked comfy,” he said teasingly.

Levi dropped the phone and buried his face into Eren, groaning in humiliation. He could feel the vibrations of Eren’s laughter as much as he could hear them.

“Not funny,” he groaned out. “Wait, you’ve been up since 8?”

“Around then, yeah,” Eren shrugged.

Levi turned red, realizing the had trapped Eren there for more than 3 hours. But when he looked up at the younger man, he noticed that Eren didn’t particularly seem to mind. In fact, he looked rather content, scrolling on his phone that he had retrieved once Levi dropped it while being used as a pillow. Eren glanced down at Levi again and tightened his arm around him with a smile.

“Feeling better?” He asked gently.

“Yeah,” Levi muttered.

“You seem to have slept okay after the first nightmare,” Eren said, his fingers massaging small circles into Levi’s back. 

“Thank you for that…” Levi replied, mentally contributing Eren’s strong arms to that feat.

Eren nodded. “I don't seem to get mine when you are here, so if I can help you then it’s the least I can do.”

Levi pushed himself up and looked at Eren. “Can you still not tell what’s a dream and whats reality?”

Eren looked surprised. “Hanji told you about that?”

Levi nodded. “She was worried.”

Eren bit his lip. “It depends when you ask me. Right now, I’d say this is definitely reality, but sometimes I have trouble telling. You know, though, even if this isn't real, I’m glad I could dream it up.”

“I think this is real, too,” Levi looked down. “Because if your dream is real that means I haven’t found you yet and if mine is real then I’d rather not be alive.”

Eren’s eyebrows shot up. “What did you dream?”

Levi shook his head and stood. “I do have somethings I have to do today, I should meet Hanji in the lab.”

“Hold on, I’ll go, too,” Eren stood and the two separated to dress before meeting back up in the hallway to head to the lab.

Once they arrived, Hanji looked up. “Well, you two are well rested,” she teased.

Levi ignored her and spoke. “I want to go to the site today. Have Armin bring a car around. Stay with Eren.”

Hanji nodded and pulled out her phone. Once Levi had left, Eren stepped forward and sat at one of the stools. “What’s the site?”

“Ah, that is not something Heichou wants me to talk about yet. He’ll tell you when he’s ready… And he thinks you are ready,” Hanji responded without looking up from her work.

Eren huffed and silence fell over them. Eren played with his phone while Hanji worked. After an hour or so, Eren looked up. “Has Levi ever told you about his nightmares?” 

Hanji stopped and looked at him. “Did he have another one?”

Eren nodded. “And he said something this morning that bothered me.”

Hanji sighed and came to sit next to Eren on the stools. “He’s never directly told me about them but based off what he spoke about while you were gone after each one, I can only surmise that you… you didn’t make it back to us in them.”

“As in… they killed me,” Eren summed up, looking down. Hanji nodded hesitantly. “That explains a lot,” Eren whispered.

“What did he say this morning?” Hanji asked.

“Don’t worry about it…” Eren muttered.

“I’m going to anyway,” Hanji rolled her eyes. 

“The site has something to do with the MP, doesn’t it?” Eren asked.

Hanji flopped dramatically on the table. “Why do you always do this to me, Eren. This is exactly the same as the last time you could have gotten me killed.”

Eren smiled slightly at her antics. “So I guess that means yes. I figured, because he decided to go there after we spoke about his dream.”

“It’s been our project since you got back,” Hanji sighed, almost annoyed with Eren’s ability to pick things up. “But really, Levi doesn't think you’re ready to know about it and I’m not in disagreement with him on this, so just be patient.”

Eren pouted, but didn’t push any more. When he turned back to his phone, Hanji looked over his shoulder curiously.

“What have you been doing on there?” She asked.

Eren shrugged. “Just occupying myself.”

Hanji stood. “Are you hungry?”

Eren nodded. “Kind of.”

“Would you like to try to go out and get lunch with me?” Hanji asked.

Eren hesitated. “I… Don’t know if I can.”

“I’ll call Levi and tell him to meet us there, if that will help. And you’ve gotten so strong, Eren. I think you’re ready,” Hanji gently pushed.

After a moment, Eren agreed, and the two headed out after Hanji called Levi.


	13. Chapter 13

Eren stepped out of the car at the diner, his heart feeling like it was going to burst out of his chest. He kept turning in a full 360 degrees so he could make sure there were no people near him. Hanji fell into step next to him and gently placed her hand on his back.

“Take a deep breath, Eren. I won’t let anything happen to you. You’re going to be just fine,” Hanji soothed.

Eren felt like his throat was closing. He gasped for air and felt his legs begin to shake from the strain of holding up his weight. Hanji was still talking to him, trying to keep him calm, but the roar rising in his brain was drowning her out. ‘They’re everywhere.’ ‘They’re going to take you away again.’ ‘This time Levi wont be able to find you.’ His brain gleefully offered him scenarios that made him want to cry. He fell to his knees, grasping at his chest.

Then Levi was kneeling in front of him, holding out his hand as he had done when Eren panicked in the bath. Eren leaned forward and pressed his ear to Levi’s chest and Levi embraced his gently. Using Levi’s breathing and the sound of his heart beat, Eren stilled his own.

“That’s it,” Levi said softly, his fingers massaging Eren’s back as the younger man calmed.

After a few minutes more, Levi stood, taking Eren with him. “I’m sorry…” Eren muttered.

Hanji shook her head. “It’s okay, Eren. Don’t apologize.”

Levi looked Eren in the eyes seriously. “No one is going to take you from me again. Don’t forget that.”

Eren nodded slightly, his eyes widening. They walked into the diner, Hanji and Levi standing protectively on either side of Eren. Eren was surprised by the lull that fell over the restaurant when they walked in. 

“Mr. Ackerman. You’re usual table?” The hostess asked politely.

Levi glanced at Eren and then shook his head. “Put us in the back corner. Against a wall.”

The hostess took a few menus and lead them to a back table. “Someone will be with you in just a minute, sir.”

Levi nodded and then pointed to the inside seat with it’s back to the wall. “Sit there,” he said to Eren.

Eren scooted into the seat and Levi sat next to him, Hanji across from them. The dull roar in Eren’s brain kept him frozen once he sat, and he barely registered the menu placed in front of him. When the waitress came and greeted them, he jumped slightly and dug his fingers into his leg through his jeans. 

Levi watched him quietly as Hanji placed her order and then turned to the waitress. “Tea. And a coke for him.”

Once the waitress left, Levi reached out and placed his hand over Eren’s, pulling it from where it grasped. “You’re safe.”

Eren nodded, trying desperately to believe the words.

“Eren, I’m sorry, maybe this wasn't a good idea…” Hanji bit her lip.

Levi studied Eren, and then pulled Eren’s hand to his own wrist. “If you need to, grip me. I can take it, but you don't need any more wounds.”

Eren’s grip was vice like, but if it hurt, Levi didn’t let it show on his face. He turned to Hanji and she slid some papers across the table. “These need your approval and signature, Heichou,” she said, getting the message that they were to operate as usual.

As Levi signed the papers, their drinks came and Levi ordered for both himself and Eren again. Eren briefly wondered how Levi could know what he wanted, but he couldn't concentrate long enough to form the words to ask.

“Eren, I want you to try something for me,” Hanji said. Even knowing it was her, Eren jumped slightly at being addressed and his fingers dug further into Levi’s wrist, causing the older man to shift ever so slightly before he schooled his body back into indifference at the pressure.

“I want you to try to express to me how bad your panic is right now,” Hanji said, her eyes glancing to Levi as she spoke. 

When Eren couldn't bring the words out, Levi responded. “It’s bad.” He glanced down and sighed slightly. “It’s a possibility of cracking bones bad.”

‘You’re hurting him. He’s never going to let you touch him again after this,’ Eren’s brain supplied, but try as he might, he couldn’t loosen his grip.

“Okay, Eren, I want you find five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell and one thing you can taste,” Hanji spoke calmly and smiled gently. “You don’t have to tell us, if it’s easier, do it in your head.”

Eren’s eyes shot around. He forced his mouth to work and spoke. “Hanji, Levi, tea, soda, napkin. Levi’s wrist, his pants, booth seat, table. Hanji’s phone is buzzing, people are talking over there, there is a clock ticking. Levi’s cologne and something smells good nearby, maybe cooked meat… toothpaste from earlier…” Eren felt his fingers loosening on Levi and he suddenly became aware that he had been bending Levi’s arm in a way that couldn’t be comfortable. He quickly released the older man.

Despite his best efforts, Levi’s breath came out in a rush once he had been let go. As subtly as he could, he rotated his wrist, checking for full range of motion. Satisfied he turned to Eren and noted that he seemed a bit more relaxed. 

“Is it a little better?” Hanji asked.

Eren nodded, taking deep breaths. “I think so…”

“I really think you both should see a psychologist… There’s only so much I can learn from the internet,” Hanji said with a sigh. “But I know telling that to Heichou is like talking to a brick wall…”

Eren glanced at Levi before turning to Hanji. “I think you might be right.”

Levi’s eyes darkened. “A psychologist isn’t going to be able to help me.”

“What you’re doing isn’t going to help you, Levi,” Hanji said as their food arrived.

Levi waved off Hanji and they began to eat. After paying the bill, they headed out to the car and Eren took hold of Levi’s arm again, instinctively. 

“You’re coming with us?” Eren asked, trying to focus on anything but the nervousness of crossing the parking lot. 

“Yes, Armin dropped me off earlier,” Levi placed his hand over Eren’s and escorted him to the car. 

Once they had all climbed in and were on the road, Hanji coughed slightly. Levi looked up at her and she made a small hand motion. Levi nodded and glanced over his shoulder.

“Lose it,” Levi said, his face blank as he reached over and made sure Eren’s seat belt was firmly in place.

Hanji sped up the car and began to weave in and out of traffic. Eren gasped and turned to Levi in fear. Levi looked outwardly calm, but his eyes were storming.

“Use route B,” he said and Hanji nodded in acknowledgement. She made a sharp left, cutting off some traffic and then pulled down a driveway that was almost hidden from the road.

“They missed the turn,” she said, glancing over at Levi in the rear view.

 “We must be getting closer,” Levi said, his voice taking the darkest tone Eren had ever heard.

“What… What’s going on?” Eren asked, finally making his voice work.

“We had a tail. It’s alright, I lost them,” Hanji sent a quick smile over her shoulder before she turned down a side road off the one they were on that lead them to the back of the mansion.

Once she turned off the car they got out and Armin greeted them at the door. As soon as Levi saw Eren inside, he turned to Hanji.

“We have work to do,” he said, that same tone laying heavily in his voice and Hanji nodded, the two of them turning back, leaving again.

 

_``~`**`~``_

 

Eren lay in his bed, clutching Lily, the day’s event washing over him like a wave of fear. All the information overwhelming him and forcing his brain into darkness. He couldn’t bring himself to respond to Armin when he spoke, all he could do was stare at the ceiling and wait for the panic to finish washing over him.

Lily mewed and nuzzled under Eren’s chin, sensing his fear, trying to calm him down. Her presence, though calming couldn't do what Levi’s would have. As much as Eren understood that Levi was working right now, he desperately wished the older man could have stayed with him, at least for a little while.

No matter what he did, his brain stayed in that low level panic mode for what seemed like centuries, his brain occasionally offering him scenarios that flared the panic up every time it began to fade. He couldn't tell how much time had passed, but he eventually registered Armin leaning over to turn on the light on the bed side table because it had become dark outside.

It was several hours after that that Levi and Hanji returned. Hanji went straight to her lab, and Levi headed upstairs to check on Eren. He dismissed Armin, concerned when the younger man didn’t seem to register his presence.

“Eren,” he called softly, but the other didn't stir. His eyes were open, but they were clouded over and Levi realized Eren was stuck in his own mind.

He sat on the edge of the bed and Lily meowed to him, almost like a warning as she protectively nuzzled Eren, driven by instinct. Eren shifted slightly, a new scenario playing through his mind, and tears began to fall from his eyes as he whimpered.

“No, please,” he whispered out. “Please don't take me away again. I don't want to go back, I want to stay with Levi. Levi… Help me…”

Levi reached for Eren, his heart beating painfully as the other cried out for him, but stopped halfway, afraid of what his touch might do to his younger husband at this point. Instead, he chose to speak, “Eren, can you hear me? I’m right here.”

Eren blinked, looking in Levi’s direction, but his eyes didn't focus. His tears flowed faster and he sobbed out, “I wish you were real…”

“I am real. I told you, I wont let anyone hurt you again. Touch me and feel I am real,” Levi tried to keep the pain from his voice as he tried to talk Eren out of the fog.

Eren reached out and placed a limp hand on Levi’s forearm, but didn’t say anything. His fingers grasped at Levi ever so lightly and he blinked a few more times, his eyes seeming to clear ever so slightly.

“You came back?” He whispered.

“Of course I came back,” Levi’s brow furrowed as he looked at Eren’s surprised face. Eren should have known he wasn’t going to be gone all that long.

“I thought… You would leave for good this time,” Eren bit his lip.

“Where would I go?” Levi’s confusion grew. 

“Anywhere that I am no longer a burden for you,” Eren whispered.

“Eren. You're not a burden,” Levi placed his hand over Eren’s and the younger man flinched slightly at the touch before his brain processed it was Levi.

“Touch me, please… I need to feel… SOMETHING,” Eren sobbed.

Levi hesitated, not certain exactly what Eren was asking for. Slowly he shifted closer and ran his hand over the side of Eren’s face. Eren’s grip tightened on Levi’s arm and there was a bit of fear in his eyes, but he didn’t shy away from the touch.

“It’s alright, Eren. I’ll take care of you,” he whispered.

Eren whimpered softly and used his free hand to push Levi’s down over his chest and stomach. Levi’s brow furrowed deeper and he hesitantly ran his fingers over the area Eren had directed him to.

Eren nodded closed his eyes, as if doing so would keep Levi from seeing the fear behind those green eyes. “More…”

Levi stared at the younger man, suddenly becoming aware of what Eren was aiming at. “Eren…” Levi took his hand away.

Eren’s eyes shot open and he looked both afraid and hurt. “No… Please…”

“Eren, do you remember the first day I brought you back here and what I said?” Levi asked, taking a deep breath.

Eren bit his lip. “You said you weren’t going to touch me…”

Levi nodded seriously. “I meant it. And if it is something you want, then I will touch you when you are ready, but not like this, not when it will only hurt you. Not when it’s something that you are pushing for to spite your own brain. I care too much to break you like that.”

Eren took a deep breath and turned away to curl into a ball, Lily readjusting herself to be wedged between his chin and chest. “Can you at least hold me?”

Levi lay down behind Eren, pushing the mental image of exactly how absurd his 5’3” self would look being the big spoon to a man so much taller than himself (because OF COURSE his brain had to say ‘isn’t this what they call being a jet pack?’) and wrapped his arms around Eren.

“Thank you,” Eren whispered and closed his eyes.

Slowly he became aware that Eren had fallen asleep, and though he fought it for as long as he could, Levi fell asleep about an hour later.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm baaaaaack! Here, have some angst.

Levi woke up with a start. Eren remained sleeping soundly next to him, and he silently thanked his luck for that. He had been in the dream world he always ended up in when he first fell asleep, but this time he had woken to a second one, the one that had been there before Eren had been taken from him. And to him, that one was almost worse than the first.

It was the world in which he couldn’t find the mask he usually wore that kept his emotions locked securely away. In that world, all of his anger, all of his pain was unleashed on those he cared about. And in that world, he hurt his beautiful Eren. Levi knew this is what he was most afraid of, even more than Eren being taken again. He had found that he trusted himself less and less the deeper Eren had nestled himself into Levi’s heart before. As Eren had pulled back his layers, Levi realized it was more and more difficult to hide away the emotions.

This was something he had struggled with for six years, well aware that when things had gotten too rough for him to bury everything, he had always turned to Hanji, who willing took the abuse he dealt out, but if he turned such a hand to Eren he didn’t know if he could ever forgive himself. Hanji had grown up with Levi, understood his mind probably better than he himself did and was a formidable fighter, able to fend off his blows with expertise. She was never hurt by him so much as she would instigate his outbursts so she was the one to take the punishment. It was a purposeful, thought out move that she’d made for as long as his memory allowed him to recall. 

Eren, though… Eren was innocent and despite the fact that he wasn’t weak, he wasn’t built like Hanji and Levi. He wouldn’t be able to take Levi’s anger. And more than that, if Levi couldn’t keep that side of himself from his most precious person, what was the point of letting himself love? He had turned Eren down countless times before finally accepting the bright faced man due to his sheer persistence six years ago, and no matter how much time passed, he still had occasions when he wondered if he had made the right choice. He often asked Eren if he trusted him in recent days, but Levi found himself wondering how Eren could trust him so openly when Levi didn’t in fact trust himself? 

Levi sighed and jumped slightly when Lily sleepily meowed to him, looked over Eren at him. He squinted at her, wondering how any cat could behave like she did. 

He whispered to her, “You stay with my Eren, he needs you more.” She mewed again but curled up against Eren and his arm came up in his sleep to hold her.

Levi sighed and picked up the novel he had been reading from the nightstand before moving to the chair by the window to use the early morning light to read. He didn't want to risk sleeping again this night. He didn’t want to put too much pressure on Eren’s already stressed brain by asking the younger man to look after him like the last morning. It was too selfish to want such things he decided as he resigned himself to reading until Hanji called for him to work.

But his brain just wouldn’t SHUT UP and let him read. It kept offering him scenarios in which he wouldn’t be able to control himself. He was aware of his mental shift at times like this, when he secured his mask and became colder towards those around him, because those DAMN EMOTIONS were being so pushy. He knew it wasn’t a good time for him to close off, Eren couldn’t remember him doing this before and the younger man needed him so badly right now… Levi was torn. Did he shut down every emotion he had until he felt more in control of himself or did he let himself get pulled apart little by little until it was possible for his worst fear to come true? What was the right choice? To be honest, he never was entirely certain he ever made the right choice in this situation. 

And that was when the thought that Levi equal parts despised and found interest in flitted through his mind. Perhaps, if Eren were the victim of Levi’s inability to steel his control, it would be easier for the younger to leave him when the time came. Maybe, just maybe it would force Eren to stop looking to him for support and cause him to hate him enough to walk out on Levi. The thought hurt deep inside, but after the stupid confession Levi hadn’t managed to keep stifled in his heart, maybe now this was the only way. After all, Levi could understand if Eren hated him. Eren was perfect, even as he was now, a broken man, he was perfect. Kind and gentle and willing to overextend himself to see Levi in a good mood. For the life of Levi, he had never comprehended what someone who shone as bright as the sun had seen in the bottomless pit of darkness that was Levi.

Before Eren, Levi was certain that he knew who he was. A ticking time bomb that no one dared cross, except maybe Hanji on her particularly suicidal days. He was someone no one should ever get close to, and he had been perfectly fine with that state of affairs. Levi couldn’t see himself anyway but dying alone, probably bleeding out somewhere while the rest of the world turned on, ignoring the loss of an overly cold Yakuza boss. And then enter Eren, A bright ball of energy, who at some point had caught sight of Levi and marched right past his body guards (due in part to having been close friends with Armin when they were younger and having grown up with Mikasa), and told Levi that he was ‘cute’. Which had baffled Levi as he waved Eren off, but the kid just kept APPEARING. For a whole year, Eren would pop up and offer to take Levi out to eat, or to the movies or something that seemed date like, and who, even when Levi had enough and pinned Eren to a wall, didn’t back down. Just laughed and said “fine, fine, another time, then,” before sauntering off and appearing again the next day.

But, really, the worst part of all of this was, despite all of the logical parts of Levi’s brain that screamed he was a danger to all those around him, despite the knowledge that he shouldn't be trusted with anything more than professional relationships, Levi desperately wanted Eren to love him and to stay with him. He wanted it more than anything else he had ever wanted and there were even times he dare to hope that Eren would stay with him no matter the cost… But that was before. Even though his feelings hadn’t changed, he now knew that it wasn’t just his deeply twisted self that was a danger to someone like Eren, and he was now sure that he couldn't protect the other from either threat.

Levi sighed to himself as his phone buzzed, Hanji calling him to the lab. He stood and looked at the sleeping form on the bed, all the sadness he stored away welling inside him, and he nearly cracked right there. But Levi liked to believe he was strong, and it was that thought that drove him to steel himself and leave the room without a fleck of emotion shining through his ‘Heichou’ mask. 

 

_``~`**`~``_

 

“Heichou, what world are you in?” Hanji asked. She had been talking to him, but Levi had been lost in his own thoughts.

“Repeat it,” Levi said, forcing himself to pay attention to her.

Hanji just stared at him. “Oh, this is new. I can’t figure out what head space you’re in…”

“So stop trying and continue with your report,” Levi clenched his teeth and sent her a sharp look.

“You can’t pay attention long enough. I’ve already told you three times,” Hanji sighed.

Levi made a frustrated noise stood, turning away from Hanji. “I’m going to the dojo. In two hours have Armin bring a car around for me.”

Hanji nodded before she reached out and grabbed his arm, twisting him back to face her. He wrenched hims arm free and pulled his knife out without hesitating grabbing on to Hanji and using his body weight to throw her off balance, bringing her to her knees. He pressed the knife to her throat and she choked. Levi froze. For the first time, he felt warm liquid running down his fingers.

Hanji didn’t move an inch, not even a flinch as Levi realized he had actually cut her. He immediately dropped the knife and released Hanji. She lifted her hands to her throat and coughed again before standing and grabbing some cotton from a nearby canister to stop the bleeding. She turned to him, pressing the cotton to her neck and smiled at him the way she always did. Levi felt weak. He leaned against the wall behind him and stared at her. 

“It’s alright,” Hanji said. “It wasn’t deep.”

“This is why,” Levi said staring at the floor. “This is why Eren can’t stay with me. I can’t trust myself.”

Hanji bent down and picked up Levi’s knife, wiping it on her pants before offering it back to him. “I trust you, and he does, too.”

After a moment Levi took the knife and put it back into the holster. “I could have killed you.”

“But you didn’t,” Hanji pointed out. “And it was my own fault. But more than that, I’m happy. This is the most ‘Levi’ I’ve seen in so long.”

Levi looked down. “‘Levi’ is dangerous. But how can I be emotionless Heichou when Eren needs me to be able to feel?”

“That is the question, isn’t it?” Hanji sighed.

Levi turned away. “I’ve changed my mind. Have Armin bring the car now. And go stay with Eren until I come back.”

Hanji nodded and grabbed a bandaid, placing it over her neck before heading upstairs.


	15. Chapter 15

When Eren woke, he felt strangely cold in the bed and it took him several moments to realize that was because Levi wasn’t cuddled against him. He looked around and noticed Hanji sitting in the chair by the bed, her head buried in her hands, looking absolutely dejected.

“Hanji, what’s wrong?” Eren called to her, concern lacing his words.

Hanji’s head shot up. “Oh, good morning, Eren. Don’t worry, I’m fine.”

“You’re lying. You might as well talk with your body,” Eren sat up and gave Hanji a judgmental look. “And what happened to your neck?”

Hanji sighed. “You’re right, I’m lying through my teeth. Levi happened to my neck, but don’t worry about it, It’s barely a scratch.”

Eren frowned. “He did that thing again?”

Hanji nodded. “I’ve always pushed him when he would get too emotional and let him take it out on me, but this time he was hurting more than I realized and I didn’t compensate like I should have. I’m afraid cutting me hurt him more than it hurt me.”

“Why does he do that?” Eren looked concerned, but to Hanji’s relief, he didn’t seem to be afraid.

“It’s Levi. He’s not had the easiest life, Eren. In order to stop feeling pain, he created a mask which, I call the mask of Heichou. That is the cold, unfeeling man most often seen. It is the man everyone thinks Levi is. But behind that mask is a vulnerable person, who is suffering with all the pain and anger and sadness that doesn’t seem to effect Heichou. That is Levi. Sometimes, that mask slips and Levi lashes out, not knowing how to deal with those emotions. For years, I thought the only way I could help him was to let him take it out on me, after all it always made him feel better afterwards, but then, you came into his life. I’ll be honest, no one knows quite how you saw past that mask, but you never even looked at it, all you ever saw was Levi. I still think that’s true, even if you don’t realize it, but when you arrived, I suddenly saw a side of Levi I hadn’t realized existed anymore. He was happy and I saw him smile for the first time in god knows how long. Suddenly, we all realized that the man that hid behind the mask could feel things other than sorrow and rage. Those six years were the most precious I’ve had, because the man I followed since childhood was finally, FINALLY not locked in his own mind. When you were taken, the mask took over again and now… Now I think both the mask and the man behind it is cracking,” Hanji looked almost like she was about to cry, but she blinked quickly and the look was gone.

Eren quietly listened to Hanji’s story biting his lip. “He would hate you telling me all this, wouldn't he?”

Hanji nodded.

“So why are you? Despite everything you say, you’d never betray him,” Eren carefully studied Hanji’s face.

“Because Levi needs someone to save him. Eren, what he is most afraid of is showing you the same treatment I instigate from him. You understand? He is terrified that one day he’ll hurt you,” Hanji sighed and leaned back against the chair. “You see, I had intended to ask a favor of you, but the problem is… If my hunch is wrong, you might end up hurt both physically and mentally. And sitting here, watching you sleep, I started to question if I could ask you to risk such a thing. After all you’ve already been through, I don’t know if I could bear placing more stress on you.”

Eren looked at the sheets for a long time before balling his hands into fists. “Tell me what you want me to do.”

Hanji looked at the determined form of the young man before her and she knew he had made up his mind. This Eren, sitting before her was the Eren of seven months ago. The strong, brave Eren that never once flinched in the face of… well, anything. The one that had known all the risks before he even approached Levi, let alone asked the other to marry him. This Eren was the one she knew she could always rely on, despite his inexperience. This Eren was the one she had sorely missed when looking at the broken man who they had rescued, not that she would ever say that out loud. And Hanji could only hope that this Eren could stay at the surface long enough to carry out her plans, before the other shattered, terrified, panic stricken man peeked through again. Not that she could blame the other for existing, but right now she needed this Eren to save Levi for her.

“Come with me to the dojo. I want to show you some things,” Hanji stood and Eren got up to get dressed and go with her, the determined look on his face not wavering for even a second.

 

_``~`**`~``_

 

It was well into the evening when Levi finally returned to the house, ending Eren and Hanji’s time in the dojo. Eren collapsed, laying spread eagled on the dojo floor, the two short breaks that had taken throughout the day feeling like not enough. His whole body ached, Hanji’s training having been ruthless.

Hanji was breathing hard herself as she sat on the floor a few feet away from Eren. “This is going to take time,” she sighed.

Eren nodded. “Can you make the time to teach me every day?”

“Yeah, and I think I’ll have Armin keep tabs on Levi for me. That kid tends to fly under the radar, and I’m worried that Levi is already worse than we can see. If Levi doesn’t think we will know, he might act differently,” Hanji pulled out her phone and pulled up a text conversation with Armin.

Eren bit his lip. “I know this is for Levi and all, but it feels remarkably sneaky of us.”

Hanji nodded. “You’re telling me. Not only is it my plan, you’re not pledged to him the same way I am.”

Eren shook his head. “But I am, remember?”

Hanji paused and then laughed. “Yeah, I guess you are. Though I wonder if Levi is intending to uphold that now that you know about everything else. He might take the ‘you didn’t say it so you didn’t do it’ stance.”

Eren rolled his eyes. “At the time I couldn’t say it.”

“Yes, but still,” Hanji smiled. “It is a little strange, don’t you think?”

Eren shrugged. “It would be nice if I could support him, but I suppose I’d have to be able to breathe while leaving the house before I can do that.”

Hanji’s eyes softened. “All in good time, Eren. You’ve been making steady progress, so I don’t see why that isn’t something that will happen.”

Eren sighed and sat up halfway. “It’s just frustrating. I feel fine and then, out of nowhere, I’m definitely not fine. And I hate having to rely so heavily on Levi, it just makes me feel like a burden.”

“You shouldn't feel like that… Good evening, Heichou,” Hanji interrupted herself, looking over Eren at Levi who had just walked into the dojo.

“You two seem to have been working hard,” Levi looked over them and Hanji shifted slightly, tucking something under herself, hoping Levi hadn’t noticed it.

Eren flopped back down and looked at Levi upside down from where he lay. “Hanji is a slave driver, I’m exhausted.”

Levi frowned slightly. “I thought there wasn’t anything more you could teach him.”

“There isn’t. Unless you clear training with more than just fists, but that doesn’t mean I can’t work with Eren to perfect the things I already taught him,” Hanji shrugged.

“What’s under you?” Levi stared at her hard.

Hanji nearly visibly flinched. She slowly reached under herself and pulled out her phone, praying that would be enough. “I was just getting a report from Armin…”

This seemed to satisfy Levi and he extended a hand to Eren. “You need a shower.”

Eren nodded and let Levi help him up. Once the two had retreated to the bedroom, Eren turned to Levi and stopped him from following into the bathroom.

“Let me try by myself,” Eren said.

Levi looked like he was about to object but Eren silenced him with a kiss. When they broke for air, he spoke again. “Stay right outside and I promise I’ll call for you if I need help. I need to do this.”

Levi slowly nodded and Eren went into the bathroom and turned onto the shower. He had felt brave in the room outside, but now his skin was starting to feel itchy. He bit his lip and forced himself to strip and step into the shower. As he washed himself, he repeatedly forced his hands to still as not to scrub his skin raw. It took a long time, but finally Eren emerged from the bathroom, where Levi straightened from his position against the wall next to the door. Eren had left just the towel around his waist, so Levi could see that he had managed to keep from hurting himself, even if there were a few patches of skin that were redder than before.

Levi looked over Eren, not noticing any new cuts. Finally he nodded in approval and stepped into the bathroom to change. Eren almost stopped him, but he told himself, ‘one step at a time, don't ruin this triumph by trying to push yourself past your limits’ and let Levi go, quickly getting dressed before Levi returned.

They lay in bed together, both on their backs, arms pressed together and Eren knew he was exhausted but sleep wouldn’t come. There was an idea, nagging at the back of his mind and he was both interested and afraid to test it out. Finally, he sat up and leaned over Levi. 

Silver eyes turned to his green as Eren bit his lip. “Let me try something?”

Levi nodded and Eren reached down, touching the hem of Levi’s shirt. He bit his lip harder as Levi’s hands moved and shook his head. “Don’t move. Just lay still.”

Levi’s hands fell back to his sides and his eyes followed Eren’s movements curiously. Slowly, Eren lifted the hem of Levi’s sleep shirt and his breath caught in his throat as he looked at the well muscled stomach. His breath was coming in shorter gasps, but he forced himself to fold the shirt up halfway, leaving it covering Levi’s chest. Slowly he reached down and ran his hands over Levi’s stomach, his fingers gently brushing over the defined muscles, tracing the lines of his abs.

Levi made the smallest of noises, and took a deep breath as Eren touched him. Eren’s eyes shot up to Levi, looking for signs of discomfort, but Levi nodded to him ever so slightly, letting Eren know that he had permission to do as he pleased. Eren turned his eyes back to Levi’s stomach and slowly lowered himself to press a kiss right above Levi’s belly button. Levi made the same tiny noise but this time, Eren continued without looking up. He slowly ran his hands up Levi’s sides and pushed the shirt further up, and bent forward, placing another kiss in the center of his chest, but froze and inch from the other as he had been pulling back.

“No, no, no, please,” he whispered as his brain began to take him down a darker path. He felt the panic swell, but tried to suffocate it.

Levi immediately pushed Eren back and pulled his shirt down. “Take a deep breath.”

Eren nodded and tried to regulate his breathing, the lack of what his brain classified as an ‘imminent threat’ making it easier for him to calm down. After a few moments, he sent Levi a weak smile. “I’m alright.”

Levi looked at him for a minute and nodded. “You did a lot.”

Eren bit his lip. “Not enough. I hate this.”

Levi shook his head. “I told you, it will take time.”

Eren suddenly noticed that Levi was sitting up, leaning very far forward. “Are you okay?”

Levi’s eyes widened slightly and he nodded, his mouth open ever so slightly as he went to speak, but stopped himself several times. After a minute he slowly shifted so his back was to Eren, his feet on the floor. “Lay down and sleep, I have to go to the bathroom.”

Eren watched curiously as Levi moved at nearly record speed to the bathroom. He flopped down onto the bed and closed his eyes, willing to allow himself to succumb to sleep now that he felt like he had made some progress at least.

Levi, meanwhile, stood in the bathroom, staring down in frustration. Had it really been so long that just Eren touching him like that turned him on? He didn’t want Eren to see him like this, knowing it could make Eren uncomfortable after what had been done to him. No, he didn’t want Eren to see this when it could cause a setback after he had made such an effort to progress tonight, especially when Eren didn’t seem to view it as sexual. Finally, after death staring his own erection for a full minute, he decided to jerk off quickly before returning to Eren.

When he finally came out of the bathroom again, Levi saw Eren dozing peacefully on the bed. Levi carefully climbed in with the younger man and pulled the sheets up over both of them, before closing his own eyes to at least pretend to sleep.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because I couldn't resist. Have some angst and some smut. Light, but still there >.<

Eren woke the next morning and sleepily looked around to see Hanji in the chair. She smiled at him when she noticed him stirring.

“Training?” He asked, trying to blink the sleep from his eyes.

Hanji nodded. “I think we have to work harder. This is the second day in a row he’s left you here to leave early. I know what he’s doing, but it doesn’t need to be an all day affair… I think he’s just hiding…”

Eren stood and nodded. “Let’s get to work then.”

As the two walked down to the dojo, Eren bit his lip and spoke. “What if you’re wrong, Hanji?”

Hanji looked at him surprised. “About what?”

“What if this plan of yours doesn’t work. It’s not only me that could end up hurt,” Eren looked over at her, concern shadowing his green eyes.

Hanji nodded. “I know, but I think it’s worth that risk. I don’t think I’m wrong.”

Eren made a sound of agreement and the two arrived at the dojo, and got to work.

 

_``~`**`~``_

 

 

Eren plopped down onto the matted floor of the dojo, panting. “Isn’t this enough, Hanji?”

Hanji shook her head and sat down with him. “I’ll never be as fast or strong as Levi. You have to be more than confident against me to make my plan work.”

Eren bit his lip. “It’s been almost a month. He’s pulled further into himself, I don’t know how much longer we can wait.”

Hanji nodded, agreeing, albeit grudgingly. “Alright, let’s move on to the real thing. If I’m satisfied, we can call you ready.”

Eren stood and offered his hand to Hanji, which she willingly took and stood with him before they moved to return to working until Hanji’s phone buzzed with a text from Armin telling her that he was about to drive Levi home.

 

_``~`**`~``_

 

Despite their decision to move faster with Hanji’s plan, another month passed before she deemed them ready. During the two months Eren’s panic attacks had lessened, much to Hanji’s interest. He was now capable of making small trips away from the house without suffering one, and he was able to shower alone without rubbing wounds into his skin. 

In sheer contrast, Levi was slowly falling apart. His outbursts were coming more frequently, to the point where even Armin and Mikasa seemed to walk on eggshells around him. He spent his nights with Eren, either suffering nightmares or refusing to sleep. His days were spent on the site (which to Eren’s frustration was a place that was still withheld from him) where, Armin reported, he was becoming worse. This concerned Hanji more than she could express.

It was a day like any other that Levi walked into Hanji’s lab, where she and Eren had been chatting, after a long day away. She looked up and steeled herself, nodding slightly to Eren as Levi entered.

“Levi, we need to talk,” Hanji said seriously.

“What is it?” Levi looked between the two faces who looked at him in dead seriousness. The only thing he could think is he suddenly felt he didn’t want to be in this room.

“You haven’t been sleeping,” Eren said quietly.

Levi’s face hardened and he turned away from them. “I’m fine.”

“Levi-“ Hanji spoke, but her voice dropped away.

A hand had reached out to grab Levi and turn him back around to face them and without a second thought, Levi had his knife out, ready to knock Hanji on her ass, but as he turned, brandishing the weapon, his silver eyes landed on Eren instead of Hanji. He froze, unable to convince his muscles to do anything but remain with his arm extended. Before Hanji could react, Eren had disarmed Levi and flipped him back around, pinning Levis arm behind his back.

Eren spoke, his voice still holding the quiet, calm that he had used a moment before. “If you slept you could have stopped me.”

Levi began to shake, realizing this was the moment that his worst fear had come to volition. Eren used the shaking to force the older man to his knees, not releasing Levi’s arm. Levi didn’t struggle, letting Eren position him to take whatever revenge he desired. Eren’s breath against his ear as he spoke wasn’t what he had expected, however.

“Or was it when you saw me standing there you just let me take you down?” Eren whispered. “That’s it, isn’t it? You couldn’t continue because it was me.”

Levi’s shaking increased and Hanji stepped forward hesitantly, praying her plans hadn’t backfired.

“Levi, even in the state you are now, you’re stronger than both of us… It’s as Eren says, isn’t it? You couldn’t attack him and now you’re willingly kneeling to let him have the upper hand against you,” Hanji knelt in front of Levi.

Levi opened his mouth and was again surprised as Eren released his arm and instead cradled him in his arms. Eren readjusted Levi again so the other was almost completely in his lap and he stroked Levi’s hair soothingly.

“It’s alright, shh,” Eren whispered, and it was only then that Levi realized he was sobbing.

“Levi, look at how strong Eren has gotten. He’s been working so hard to learn how to disarm someone with a knife that he had pushed aside his fear. Look at you, I have known you long enough to recognize you stopping yourself and you definitely did it when you saw Eren instead of me. The two of you are weak. Both of you are, but when it’s for the other, you’re so strong,” Hanji bit her lip as Levi’s eyes shot to her.

when he didn’t say anything, Eren spoke up. “Please don’t be upset with us, but you're breaking right in front of our eyes, Levi. We care too much about you to just let it happen.”

“So this is an intervention?” Levi scoffed, trying to control himself.

After a moment, Eren laughed. “Yeah, I guess you could call it that. Do you understand what we’re trying to say? No matter what you’re not going to hurt me, and I…” Eren stopped and bit his lip.

Levi studied his face as Eren looked down, trying to collect himself. “You what?” Levi asked, his voice quiet.

“I see you, Levi. I see how much me being like this hurts you and I see how afraid you are… But I also see how kind and good you are, and I don’t know if my mind will ever remember what it was like before, but my heart remembers what it feels like to love you,” Eren looked up, tears shining in his eyes. “I might not know how we came together or what dates we went on or anything like that, but when I look at you, my heart feels full and I think that’s enough. I love you.”

Levi opened his mouth to speak, but Eren leaned forward and pressed his lips to Levi’s, silencing him. When he pulled back he spoke again. “Just let me love you and stop worrying about the rest.”

Hanji coughed slightly. “As beautiful as this moment is, if you two do anything inappropriate in my lab, I’ll be pissed.”

Eren looked up at her and grinned, as Levi’s eyes shot over to her and he made a noise of aggravation.

“Fair enough, Hanji. Excuse us then,” Eren stood, taking Levi with him so he was carrying the other.

“I can walk,” Levi growled.

“I know,” Eren replied as he turned and left the room, leaving Hanji in the lab looking amazed.

Eren made his way to the bedroom and deposited Levi on the bed. Levi looked up at Eren and whispered. “Did you mean it?”

Eren looked confused for a second but then nodded. “Of course I did.”

Levi closed his eyes as Eren crawled onto the bed. “Say it again?”

Eren smiled. “I love you.”

He leaned over Levi and kissed him, every time their lips pulled apart he whispered “I love you” until Levi seemed to melt. Once Eren was satisfied with the putty like state Levi was in, he sat back and smiled gently.

“You don’t have to protect me from anyone, Levi. Not even from yourself. The only one I’m struggling with is my own mind,” Eren ran his fingers through Levi’s hair.

“You’ll best that, too, in time. You’re stronger than I am,” Levi sighed.

Eren shook his head. “I’m not. I lean on you and Hanji and I used your struggle to push myself. I couldn't never have done what you did, taking it all inside yourself.”

Levi looked over at Eren. “That’s why you are strong. I can’t rely on others.”

“Can you rely on me?” Eren bit his lip.

Levi nodded after thinking about it for a minute. Eren’s fingers traced down Levi’s body and he bit his lips, his eyes looking conflicted. Levi watched as Eren touched him and then he sat up.

“Do you trust me?” Levi asked. 

Eren nodded and breathed, “with everything I am.”

“Look only at me,” Levi replied and he ran his hands down Eren’s sides, slowly letting his fingers brush under the hem of the other’s shirt. Eren shivered but he didn't move or flinch.

Levi let his hand slide up Eren’s stomach, lifting his shirt as he went. He touched Eren’s stomach as the younger man had done to him before. When Eren closed his eyes, Levi stopped until Eren looked at him again. 

“Don’t stop looking at me,” Levi whispered.

Eren nodded and kept his eyes open as Levi slowly lifted Eren’s shirt up and over his head. He looked over his younger husband’s body, the months spent training clearly showing. Levi noticed the muscles were tense so he looked up at Eren. There was the smallest flicker of fear in the green orbs looking back at him so Levi stilled his hands on Eren’s sides. He contemplated stopping completely before closing to speak instead.

“Who am I?” Levi asked gently.

“Levi,” Eren responded.

Levi nodded. “Are you safe with me?”

Eren whispered, “yes.”

Slowly, Levi’s hands began to move on Eren’s body again. Eren’s hips shifted unconsciously and he moaned softly under Levi’s touch.

“I’ve figured it out,” he whimpered.

Levi stopped, surprised by the tone. “What?”

“That night when you sat so far forward I thought you were trying to pretzel yourself after I did this to you. I figured out why,” Eren replied.

Without thinking, Levi’s eyes shot to Eren’s crotch and he noticed the bulge there. “Oh…” He muttered.

“You could have told me,” Eren shifted uncomfortably, his pants feeling entirely too confining.

“No, I couldn’t,” Levi looked down.

Eren bit his lip, knowing Levi was probably right. Instead, he chose a different course to follow. “Touch me?”

Levi leaned forward and kissed Eren’s neck, slowly making a trail down the other until he reached the line of Eren’s pants. Eren was holding his breath, praying that his own mind wouldn't betray him in this moment. Levi opened Eren’s pants and slowly pulled them down, along with his underwear. Eren shivered at the feeling of the air on his skin and gasped as Levi took his erection in his hand.

“Tell me to stop and I will,” Levi whispered before he began to stroke Eren’s cock.

Eren’s mouth opened and his breath came out in a rush. His mind overloaded with pleasure at Levi’s simple touch. For all that he could remember, he had been touched by people and he had hated it so much. He had always wanted it to end, but Levi’s hand felt SO GOOD. The callused fingers tracing his length, thumb circling the head… It was almost too much.

Eren struggled to do as he was told and keep his eyes on Levi. As he watched, Levi’s stroking became faster, and Eren succumbed, his eyes rolling back before closing. When Levi's other hand slipped down to cup Eren’s balls, it became too much.

“Levi!! I-I’m gonna…” Eren’s words caught in this throat as heat pooled in his belly.

“Go ahead. Come,” Levi stroked faster, his eyes never leaving Eren’s face.

It was like permission. Long white steams of come shot from Eren’s cock and coated his stomach and Levi’s hand. Levi kept stroking until Eren was empty and then leaned forward and licked the come from Eren’s stomach without thinking. Eren tensed at this, but when Levi looked up he realized the younger man was laughing silently instead of afraid.

“What?” Levi asked, licking one last line of come before wiping his lips with the back of his hand.

“That tickles,” Eren replied.

The smallest of smiles quirked Levi’s lips. “I know.”

Eren shot him a mock glare and then held out his arms. Levi lay down with him, letting the younger man pull him close.

 After a few moments, Eren cleared his throat. “What about you?” 

“I’m fine,” Levi replied.

“So you’re poking me in the leg?” Eren asked.

Levi’s face flushed and he pulled his hips back. “Clearly…”

Eren looked at him in exasperation. “Levi…”

“You’ve done enough for one day. You did so well, I don't want to risk ruining that,” Levi looked away.

Eren pouted. “Just… let me try?”

Levi sighed, aware that his erection hadn’t gone down, if anything the idea of Eren touching him had just made it worse. “I’ll go to the bathroom, it’s fine.”

Eren sat up and looked at him. “If you wont let me touch you, at least let me watch.”

“Eren…” Levi shifted as his cock twitched.

“Please. Let me see you feel good,” Eren bit his lip and Levi couldn’t say no.

Levi sighed again and sat up, bringing himself to his knees facing Eren. He unzipped his pants and pushed them down a little with his boxers to let his cock spring free. Eren watched, unashamed, as Levi wrapped his hand around himself and began to jerk off. Levi closed his eyes as he stroked himself, a blush of embarrassment from Eren’s intent stare on his cheeks.

“Eren…” Levi moaned as he jerked his cock, before he could stop himself. His eyes shot open and he saw Eren watching him with pure lust. Upon hearing his name, Eren leaned forward and extended his tongue, so Levi’s strokes jerked the tip of his cock across it.

Levi gasped loudly at the added friction and whimpered out, “lean back, Eren, I’m about to come.”

Instead of leaning back, Eren wrapped his lips around Levi’s tip and sucked hard. That was too much for Levi and his cock spasmed as he came into Eren’s mouth, Eren swallowing it down.

Levi’s body sagged as Eren released him, a final splatter of come shooting out and staining Eren’s face. Eren was breathing hard, and Levi immediately registered that he was on the verge of losing his composure. He leaned forward while tucking himself away and wiped Eren’s chin clean, cradling the younger man. “It’s alright, you’re safe.”

“I was fine until it hit my face,” Eren gasped, trying to slow his gasping breaths. “God, how could you touch me, I’m so dirty…” Eren’s voice began to turn into sobs.

“You’re not. You’re perfect. Shhh, you’re perfect and you’re mine. Safe and mine…” Levi held Eren close, trying to calm him.

Eren looked up at Levi. “I’m sorry…”

“You have nothing to be sorry for. Can you relax for me?” Levi asked.

Eren nodded and slowly he relaxed under Levi’s soothing touches. After several minutes Eren looked up at Levi. “I’m yours?”

Levi arched an eyebrow. “I’d say that’s generally what you’re trying to say when you agree to marry someone.”

“You’re mine?” Eren asked.

Levi just looked at him. “Again…”

Eren smiled. “I love you, Levi.”

Levi’s eyes softened. “I love you, Eren.”

The two fell asleep like that, wrapped around each other.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short one, but the break seemed right.
> 
> Also, there is some torture and gore in this, so be forewarned.

Levi jerked awake and groaned in frustration. Despite all the effort Eren and Hanji had put into making him feel better, there was nothing they could do about the dream that left him with a dead Eren. He leaned forward and buried his face into his hands. Eren stirred next to him and he felt arms wrap around his waist, pulling him to Eren’s side.

“I’m right here,” Eren whispered.

Levi nodded and let Eren hold him. The younger man gently ran his fingers through Levi’s hair and held him until he relaxed. 

As Eren began to doze back off, Levi spoke. “I want you to come somewhere with me tomorrow.”

Eren made a small noise, as if a question.

Levi looked at him seriously. “The alternative means of therapy I told you about.”

Eren’s eyes shot open and he looked back at Levi. “The site?”

Levi nodded. “I’m not going to pretend that I think you will be able to stay there for a long time, but I think its about time you saw what happens to people who hurt the one I love.”

Eren bit his lip, the darkness radiating from Levi’s eyes washing over him and making him shiver. “Okay.”

“You just have to promise me, if it becomes too much for you, you will tell me immediately,” Levi said.

“I promise,” Eren replied, wondering just how bad this place could be.

Something about the way Levi spoke about the place made Eren nervous. He trusted Levi, but the way the older man’s eyes glinted dangerously sent a chill down his spine. Despite the fact that Eren had been trying for months to find out about ‘the site’ that keeps taking Levi away from him, now he was wondering if he actually wanted to know what went on there.

Meanwhile, Levi was wondering why he had even opened his mouth in the first place. As soon as he had suggested Eren come with him, he regretted it. Sure Eren was so much stronger than when they first rescued him, but there is a good chance that the place could negatively affect him. He wondered if it was too late to take it back, but somehow he felt like Eren wouldn’t let him. 

They lay together in the bed, both now much too wired to fall back asleep. After some time, they decided to get up and go downstairs to start their day early. It was here, kissing over steaming cups of tea, that Hanji found them.

 

_``~`**`~``_

 

“I still am uncertain this is a good idea,” Hanji said as she held the car door open for Levi and Eren.

Eren looked up at the unassuming building before them. They were deep in the warehouse district by the water, and that knowledge alone was enough to perk up his ‘fight of flight’ instincts. He just barely managed to swallow down a wave of fear before following Levi towards the building. Hanji stopped him at the door, handing him a pair of ear plugs and sunglasses.

“Trust me, you’ll want these,” Hanji said while Eren took the plugs and put them in his ears.

They entered the building and the first thing he registered was it was dark. He looked down at the glasses in his hand in confusion before he heard groaning coming from within the building, even through the plugs.

“Put them on, you have maybe 10 seconds,” Levi motioned to the glasses in Eren’s hands. Eren did as he was told, just in time for a blinding light to light up the room, revealing what appeared to be PEOPLE lined up across the other side of the room. Eren began to shake.

Mikasa walked over and bowed to Levi, offering him a brief report that Eren couldn’t focus enough to hear. Levi nodded and responded, then lead Eren to a separate room. In this room, Eren’s eyes fell on a man tied to a chair, who whimpered when Levi approached. Levi was talking to the man before he lifted a bucket off the floor and the man shied away frantically shaking his head, as if he knew what came with that bucket. Eren’s shaking intensified. He, too, knew what could come with a bucket and he felt his fingers twitch against his thighs. As he turned away, not willing to watch what happened next, he noticed a table in the corner and were those… Eren gagged, almost throwing up, realizing he was looking at a table full of MP tattoos that had apparently been carved from bodes and there were SO MANY. He reeled backwards and bumped into someone behind him, and immediately fell to his knees, shying away from them, apologies bubbling from his lips.

Hanji, the one he had bumped in to, hauled him to his feet and dragged him from the building after calling to Levi. Once outside, Eren felt tears pouring from his eyes as he tried to get a coherent thought out of his mouth, but all that came was babbling.

“Eren, take deep breaths with me,” Hanji spoke gently and walked him through calming down. As he slowly calmed enough to speak, Eren stepped forward and clung to Hanji.

“You can’t do this. You can’t. I know what those things are, all of those things. I remember being that man in the chair. I WAS ALL OF THOSE PEOPLE,” Eren frantically shook Hanji as he babbled.

“Eren-“ Hanji started, but he just continued to speak over her.

“I don’t care if they’re terrible people or if they are the ones who did this to me, NO ONE deserves to go through what I did. No one… I have to stop it, Hanji, help me…” Eren sobbed as his whole body shook and Hanji wrapped her arms around him, trying to still him.

“Stop it?” The voice from behind Eren was undeniably Levi, but the tone was unfamiliar to him.

He lifted his eyes to see Hanji’s focused behind him, frantically shaking her head. That didn’t seem to deter Levi as he stepped forward and pulled Eren from Hanji, turning the younger man to face him.

“You have to stop it?” Levi’s voice was cold.

“Levi, please, this isn’t alright. It’s never alright, no matter what,” Eren whispered, trying not to flinch away from Levi.

“What did you expect? I will destroy the MP and the is the only way to do it,” Levi spat.

Eren lost the fight and flinched from Levi’s grasp so hard he collapsed to the ground. He wrapped around himself, shaking and apologizing. If he had looked up, he would have seen the flash of horror on Levi’s face before it melted into the unfeeling, cold mask.

“LEVI,” Hanji’s voice cut in and she stepped between Eren and Levi.

“This is the only way,” Levi said in that dark tone.

“I made a mistake,” Eren whispered, his eyes wide and glassy as he stared at the ground.

Hanji turned to him and knelt in front of him. “What, Eren?” 

Eren turned those blank eyes up to look at Levi, his voice coming out barely audible. “You’re no better than they are.”

The next few moments happened before Eren could even register it. Hanji had lifted Eren off the ground and was dragging him back to the car. Levi hadn’t moved, but the look in his eyes alone could cut a person. As he watched Hanji bundle Eren into the car, he slowly turned and walked back into the building.

Hanji climbed into the driver’s seat and drove away, tires screeching. A few blocks away, she pulled over and slammed her hands against the steering wheel, cursing. She turned back to Eren to see him calmly watching her from the back seat.

“Are you alright?” She asked.

Eren just stared at her.

“Eren, talk to me,” Hanji turned as far in her seat as she could and reached out for him.

Eren caught her hand and spoke. “I don’t blame you. I know you tried to stop him.”

Hanji sighed. “I know. But two things happened today that I never thought would and I don't know what to do, so help me here, Eren. Where are we going?”

“Home?” Eren asked. “Two things?”

Hanji studied Eren’s face, aware this wasn’t a normal reaction. Eren seemed almost dazed, looking at her curiously. “Yes, two things. You told Heichou the one thing I’m not sure he could take and for the first time, I wasn’t certain you were safe with him. So, I’m not sure home is a good idea right now.”

“Oh,” Eren looked down. “Anywhere is fine, Hanji.”

Hanji bit her lip and then turned back around. “We’re going to a hotel.”

She started driving again and a while later, pulled into a parking lot. She left Eren in the car and went to pay for the room before coming to get Eren and bringing him upstairs. He sat on the bed with that same dazed look on his face into Hanji turned to the door.

“Don’t leave me,” he whispered.

Hanji turned back. “I just need to get some things from the house. I think we will both need changes of clothes if we end up staying here for a while. I promise I’ll come back, Eren, I’m not going to leave you here by yourself.”

Eren slowly nodded and Hanji left to retrieve a few things from the house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may be a sadist. I'm sorry, but only a little. *hides*


	18. Chapter 18

When Hanji came back, Eren hadn’t moved, but his expression was clearer. He looked up when she set a bag on the floor and closed the door.

“I wasn’t safe with Levi?” Eren asked.

Hanji bit her lip. “I made that decision in a split second, Eren. Based more on my knowledge of what this project means to him and how he’s reacted to me trying to tell him that it is a bad idea up until now than Levi at that moment.”

Eren scrunched up his face. “You might have been right. When he looked at me I don’t think he was seeing me. I shouldn’t have said that, after all to be fair I wasn’t exactly seeing him either.”

Hanji sighed and sat on the bed next to Eren. “You weren’t wrong.”

“I shouldn’t have…” Eren closed his eyes.

“Trust me, Eren, if you were wrong, I wouldn't be here. I don’t take sides, and I will NEVER betray my boss… Unless it’s to save him. Levi is destroying himself in the name of revenge and he can’t see it. So here I am, protecting you, the only one of any of us who had the balls to tell Levi the truth,” Hanji flopped back against the bed.

“What does he think… THAT will fix?” Eren shuddered in disgust.

“If my hunch is correct, himself,” Hanji replied, staring at the ceiling.

Eren was silent for a few moments and then he said quietly, “you mean the nightmares?”

“Yes, that’s part of it, but I also think it has to do with the fact that nine months ago, he couldn’t protect you and now he’s showing himself that he can,” Hanji turned her head to look at Eren. “He just can’t seem to tell that the process he is using is taking his humanity.”

Eren watched Hanji for a few minutes before laughing slightly. “You’re in the wrong profession.”

Hanji cocked her head and gave him a confused look.

“You would make a brilliant psychologist,” Eren clarified.

Hanji laughed, too. “No I wouldn’t. I’ve just spent a life time with that man, and I don’t know how to do anything but protect him, even from himself. Don’t get me wrong, I like you, Eren, but everything I do is for him, including everything I’ve done for you.”

Eren’s lips quirked. “I think I knew that.”

“You did before. When you first moved not the mansion, I cornered you alone once and told your that I liked Levi’s face when he looked at you but-“

Eren interrupted her and finished the sentence. “If I ever gave him a reason to be hurt, they wouldn’t ever find the body.”

Hanji’s eyes widened. “Yes…”

Eren nodded. “I remember that, kind of. It’s weird and hazy, but there. Though, I almost feel like you should be making good on that promise instead of protecting me right now.”

“Well, he needs you,” Hanji shrugged.

“I appreciate that sentiment, but honestly, I don’t know what I can do… What I’m willing to do,” Eren looked down at his hands.

“Willing?” Hanji raised her eyebrows.

“If he can’t give that ‘project’ up, I can’t stay by his side, no matter how I feel about him,” Eren whispered.

Hanji propped herself up onto her elbows, looking like she was about to object before she flopped back down and sighed. “I’m not sure I’d blame you.”

Eren lay down next to Hanji and curled up with his back to her. “I’m afraid,” he whispered.

Hanji looked at his back. “Do you really love him?”

Eren looked over his shoulder and gave her an offended look. “Of course I do.”

“I know he loves you,” Hanji replied. “So don’t be afraid.”

Eren curled back into himself. “Everything I am was made to be loved by him.”

Hanji’s eyes softened. “We will figure this out, Eren.”

Before Eren could respond, Hanji’s phone started buzzing. She looked at the screen and bit her lip. “It’s Levi.”

Eren’s whole body visibly tensed, but he didn’t speak or move out of the position he was in. Hanji hit the answer button and held the phone to her face. “Hello, Zoe Hanji speaking.”

Faintly, Eren could hear Levi on the other end of the line, even though he couldn’t make out the words, Eren could tell Levi was angry.

“I can’t… I can’t do that Heichou,” Hanji said hesitantly.

Eren peaked over his shoulder and saw a look of utter defeat on Hanji’s face. He bit down on his lip, hard.

“I’m sorry, but I-” Hanji was cut off and she seemed to depress further into the bed. Eren held out his hand for the phone, which Hanji hesitantly gave to him.

“Levi.” He said quietly, cutting off whatever it was the other had been saying.

“Eren?” Levi’s voice cracked slightly on the other end of the line.

“Yes, I’m here,” Eren replied.

“Where are you?” Levi asked.

“Safe,” Eren curled further into himself. 

“Tell me where,” Levi said, a touch of urgency in his voice.

“I don’t think that is a good idea. I… I need some time to figure out how I am going to… be able to… be with you,” Eren bit his lip and stubbornly refused to let a tear welling in his eye fall.

“Eren!” Hanji said from behind him, not pleased with hearing Eren say this.

“You can’t be with me?” Levi’s voice definitely cracked this time.

“You’ve done something I can’t… Levi, everything broken inside me was because of someone treating me like you’re treating those people… And don’t you dare even think to yourself that this is for me, it’s all for you and you trying to fix something no one blames you for,” Eren strained to keep the pain and fear from his voice, and there was just silence on the other end of the line.

When the silence persisted, Eren handed the phone back to Hanji and hugged his knees to his chest as hard as he could. Hanji placed a hand on Eren’s shoulder and spoke into the phone.

“I’m going to stay with him, Heichou,” she said and then clicked the end button before she could change her mind.

Eren was aware of Hanji standing up and walking to the other bed in the room and sitting down on it. He was aware of her heavy sigh and he was sure that this situation was torture for her.

Finally she spoke again. “I’m putting my trust in you.”

“I can make no promises,” Eren replied.

“I know,” Hanji said and the two fell into silence again.

 

_``~`**`~``_

 

Eren woke from a particularly bad nightmare, tears streaming down his face and a scream caught in his throat. He flailed out of the confine of the sheets and knelt on the bed, doubled over so his head nearly touched his knees. It felt like so long since he’d last suffered a nightmare, Levi’s presence had successfully washed them away. Hanji was by his side in a moment, gently rubbing his back and soothing him.

Eren grabbed his head, overwhelming guilt bubbling in his chest. “Hanji…” He gasped out.

“It’s okay, Eren. It was just a dream, you’re safe here with me,” Hanji said.

Eren shook his head violently. “Not me… Not me… Levi is having nightmares, too, and he’s waking up alone…”

Hanji’s hand stilled on his back and she seemed to not know how to respond to that. Eren squeezed his arms around himself, hating that he wasn’t by Levi’s side to assure him that he was there and okay. No matter how he felt about what Levi did, Eren couldn’t help but wish to be there to comfort the older man.

“Levi will be alright,” Hanji whispered.

“No… His nightmares are about me not being there and I now I’m really not, how could I be so cruel?” Eren’s body shook.

Hanji sat next to him and wrapped an arm carefully around his shoulders. “You’re amazing, you know that? Having a terrible nightmare and all you can say is you’re worried about Levi…”

“I… I….” Eren struggled, trying to find words.

“We will go back tomorrow. He will be alright, I’m sure,” Hanji squeezed Eren’s shoulders, trying to reassure him.

“What if he doesn’t forgive me?” Eren whispered.

“Forgiveness isn’t the goal here, Hanji gently reminded.

Eren shook more violently at that, but didn’t retort. Hanji stayed with him for the rest of the night, knowing that Eren wasn’t going to go back to sleep with all of the emotions running through his mind.

When morning came, Eren had calmed and his eyes were clear as he looked at Hanji. “I don’t want to go back today after all.”

Hanji looked surprised. “You don’t?”

“If I see him now, I will fold,” Eren said quietly.

Hanji nodded. “I understand.”

“I don’t know how to change Levi’s mind, Hanji. He said that what he is doing is the only way,” Eren looked down.

“I won’t lie, if you stay here long enough, that might change his mind for you,” Hanji pointed out.

“Do you think that either of us has the mental capacity for the waiting game?” Eren scoffed, and Hanji could see the slightest bit of shaking. “It would be more of which one of us has a complete breakdown first, and I don’t think… I don’t think that I will be the one on the winning side of that. I don’t know how long I can hold it together, Hanji.”

Hanji sighed. “So we come up with a plan.”

“Yes, that’s the general idea,” Eren said. “And I have one. It is probably the stupidest thing I have ever decided to do, but it’s all I got. Are you game?”

Hanji hesitated, but then nodded. “I told you I’m putting my trust in you.”

 

_``~`**`~``_

 

Two weeks later, Levi walked into the house, sighing as he walked past what he had started to become accustomed to being a darkened lab. Today, however, he froze, having almost walked past the entrance to the room before noticing light from within. He slowly took a step backwards and peaked through the glass in the door, looking around. After a second, he saw Hanji standing there with her back to the door. Levi quickly entered the room, both fear and relief washing over him. Why was she here?

“Hanji,” he said, and she turned to look at him.

Without saying a word, Hanji motioned for him to follow her. He did, willingly being lead further into the lab, to a more secluded area that couldn’t be seen from the door. As they rounded the partition, Levi’s eyes fell on Eren, standing with his back to them, his arms crossed as he watched a man sitting calmly on the a stool. 

“Eren,” Hanji called and he glanced over his shoulder, his eyes widening slightly when he saw Levi behind Hanji.

Instead of acknowledging him, Eren turned back to the man. “Heichou is here now, you can give us you’re message.”

Levi winced ever so slightly at the sound of Eren using his honorific. His curiosity at what exactly was going on was overridden by worry as he observed Eren’s posture. To most anyone except himself and Hanji, Eren appeared to be portraying strength and composure, but it was clear as day to Levi that Eren’s stress level was through the roof. He probably hadn’t been sleeping (not that Levi had either) and gave the telltale signs of  being close to breaking down.

The man stood from the stool and bowed to Levi. “I am a messenger of the MP. Your strength and prowess has been recognized, Sir. If you would put an end to decimating our ranks, our top brass is willing to partake in a meeting with you. One week from today, at 6 pm at this location,” the man held out a slip of paper. 

Eren took it from him as Levi sent a look to Hanji. She stepped forward and spoke. “Heichou accepts your proposal.”

The man looked between the three of them and looked like he was about to object to Levi not confirming himself, but Eren spoke before he could.

“You have you’re confirmation. Hanji, take him back to his car,” Eren’s voice was low and calm.

“Yes, sir,” Hanji bowed slightly to Eren and then lead the man away.

Once they had left, Eren turned to Levi, his head bowed, eyes glued to the floor. It was posture of submission, without the extreme of Eren getting on his knees as he had done in the past.

“What the hell?” Levi asked.

“It’s not the only way,” Eren whispered.

Levi stared in disbelief at the younger man, who looked like he was trying to will himself not to flinch away from Levi at any moment. Levi collected himself and made a decision.

“You’re going to explain this to me, but later. First, Eren, what’s going on in your head?” Levi took a slow step forward.

Eren flinched, Levi stopped moving. “I’m fine. I’ll leave once Hanji comes back, I promise. I understand if you hate me for what I said and for leaving you alone and for going behind your back for this, but I had to show you that burying your humanity wasn’t the only way,” Eren spoke in a rush, his body contorting away from Levi as if he were expecting to be hit.

Levi felt something delicate inside him shatter and he walked forward with purpose, his fingers pinching the bridge of his nose. Eren didn’t move, not even when Levi was mere inches from him.

“Look at me,” Levi said.

Eren didn’t move.

“Eren, look at me,” Levi’s voice was more commanding now and slowly Eren’s face turned to his.

“You did leave me alone. You did go behind my back, and you took Hanji, my most trusted, with you when you did it. As the leader of this family I have every right to be angry, some might even consider this betrayal,” Levi spoke, locking Eren’s eyes with his. “You also told me the truth when no one else could and you stood with your convictions instead of bending to my will. You are so very strong.”

Eren blinked, registering the second half of what Levi was saying. When he opened his mouth to speak, Levi shook his head and continued.

“I could never hate you,” Levi’s voice had softened and he tried to convey all the things he couldn’t say with is eyes.

Eren hesitated before he stepped closer, closing the distance between them and wrapping his arms around Levi. “I’m so sorry, I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry,” he sobbed, clutching desperately to Levi as he cried.

Levi wrapped his arms around Eren in return and rubbed gentle circles into his back. “It’s alright. Stop crying, I’m not angry.”

Once Eren’s sobs quieted, he slowly sunk down the the floor and Levi followed him. Eren looked absolutely pathetic and Levi wanted to do nothing more than comfort the younger man. Eren collapsed the rest of the way to the floor and curled into a ball, placing his head in Levi’s lap. Levi gently ran his fingers through his hair and waited.

“I was sure you were going to hate me,” Eren whispered.

“I had the same thought process. I thought you were never going to come back,” Levi responded. 

Eren looked up at him like that was the most ludicrous thing he had ever heard. Levi almost laughed.

“Now, tell me exactly what you and Hanji just accepted for me,” Levi said.


	19. Chapter 19

“Are you sure about this?” Hanji glanced in the review mirror as she drove Eren to a well now night club.

“No, but it’s all I got,” Eren responded. Hanji nodded and pulled the car into a parking spot near the venue.

Entering the club, Hanji scanned the club for what they were looking for. After a moment, she motioned to Eren. “In the VIP section.”

“Of course,” Eren nodded and lead the way.

She grabbed his elbow before he could walk away though, and whispered in his ear, “may the wings of freedom guide us home.” Eren nodded and began walking again.

Hanji studied his posture as she walked behind him, growing more and more concerned the longer she looked. Eren was clenching and unclenching his fists so hard she could see the blood starting to trickle from the crescent moons his nails left. His back was so stiff that she could see his muscles through his suit jacket. She thought about aborting the mission. Unfortunately, she decided too late, Eren had arrived at the VIP section.

“I want to see who’s in charge,” at least when Eren spoke, his voice was clear. 

Hanji quickly scanned the area and leaned forward to whisper, “Dennis Aiblinger.”

A man stepped forward and greeted them mockingly. “What can I do for you, kid?” He laughed as his friends smirked.

Eren glanced at Hanji and she gave a short shake of her head.

“I said the man in charge,” Eren said calmly. “Dennis Aiblinger.”

The man faltered and Hanji stepped forward, hitching up her dress (which she loathed having to wear, but they wouldn’t have been able to get in the club otherwise, the slimy establishment it was) and swung her leg in a smooth arc, moving so fast that it collided with the man’s skull before he could react. As he hit the floor, she moved on the the next guard, punching him in the gut and then the throat and was about to move to the next when a voice rang out.

“You have our attention, Maniac Scientist. Let them through, we only have so many to spare these days,” came the voice from the back.

Hanji lowered her fist and straightened that damned dress as she fell into step behind Eren. As they approached the back, Eren froze. Hanji stepped forward to look at his face to see terror and rage swirling in his eyes. He stepped forward with alarming speed, lifting a man out of his seat, pinning him to the wall. Though shocked, Hanji stepped forward to protect Eren from the MP members who moved to protect the highest ranking official present. They wisely hesitated when she stepped out of the heels she was wearing to gain easier movement.

“So you’re name is Dennis? Do you remember me, DENNIS?” Eren growled, pressing his forearm to the man’s neck.

Dennis choked, Hanji put two and two together, realizing that Dennis must have been present for at least some of Eren’s torture.

Eren glared at the man. “My name is Eren Jaeger. I am the husband of Levi Ackerman. My sister is Mikasa Ackerman, cousin of Levi, adopted by my parents when we were children. My best friend is Armin Arlert. I will not yield, I will not give in. The MP can screw themselves,” Eren took a deep breath and Dennis looked on terrified as Eren recited what had been his mantra in the begging of his captivity. “You raped me, thinking you'd break me. You tortured me to try to obtain information. Then you abandoned me, deeming my mind beyond repair. What do you think now?”

Dennis shook his head as much as he could with Eren’s arm firmly planted against his neck. Eren’s glare intensified and then he dropped his arm, letting the man slide to the ground.

“We’ve come to make a deal,” Eren said after a moment.

Dennis coughed and then finally stood. “A deal?” He choked out.

“We are here to represent Heichou, Humanity’s Strongest Warrior, Levi Ackerman. We request a meeting between the heads of the two groups. In exchange for your side’s cooperation, we will stop working through your ranks.”

Dennis stared wide eyed at Eren as he stood as strongly as he could. Inside, Eren was one second away from falling to pieces, but he would be damned before he let one of the men he remembered from his captivity see him shatter.

Hanji stepped over and looked over the shocked man before them. “We will expect your response by the weekend. We will be waiting at this address,” she said, tossing a slip of paper on the table before gently touching Eren’s elbow, causing him to turn around and walk from the VIP section with Hanji following close behind.

Once in the car she looked back at Eren. “You remember saying that?”

Eren shrugged. “Sort of. I read it on a piece of paper in your lab, and then it seemed very familiar, like something I had said many, many times. It wasn’t until I saw… him… that I realized where.”

Hanji nodded and then realized that Eren’s nails were digging chunks from his arms. “Eren, breath, it’s alright. You did so well.”

Eren’s throat let a choked sob escape before he doubled over, his hands winding into his hair as he both laughed and cried at the same time. Hanji blinked, unsure of how to react as she noticed some MP leaving the club so she started the car.

“Talk to me, Eren. I’m just going to get us somewhere safer,” Hanji said as she pulled away from the curb.

Eren just laughed and laughed, the sobs breaking through the giggles from time to time. Hanji became increasingly worried. Pulling into the parking lot of the hotel, she quickly pulled Eren from the car and rushed him to their room, grateful that no one was around to see her hauling a partially deranged man into their room.

“Eren, speak to me, please,” Hanji knelt in front of the man as he curled back up into the position he had been in the car.

“I thought I was going to kill him, I remember his face as he did what he did to me, and then I thought I was going to break down right there and then all I could see was white and then I remembered that we are trying to save Levi, so I can’t be like them and take lives meaninglessly… And I was so angry that I couldn’t kill him.”

Hanji bit her lip. “You have every right to want to, but you didn’t and that’s what’s important. Our message will be delivered and then we can go home to Levi. Your plan worked, Eren.”

Eren flopped over onto his bed, the laughter subsiding to just quiet, hiccuping cries. “What if Levi doesn't want us to come back?”

“He will, Eren, have faith,” Hanji tried to reassure him, but seemed to have trouble finding the words.

That weekend, a car pulled into the parking lot of the hotel, and a messenger from the MP presented himself to Hanji and Eren, informing them that he was told to only relay his message to Levi himself. Hanji drove them all to the mansion, praying that Levi would even be there.

 

_``~`**`~``_

 

“And that’s what we did,” Eren said, looking up at Levi from his lap.

Levi gaped at him. “You… I…”

Hanji coughed from where she was, leaning against the partition, having returned during Eren’s story. Levi turned to her, with the same look of shock on his face.

“Your husband was truly impressive,” she said quietly.

Levi seemed to have lost the ability to speak after the story and just continued to stare.

“It was the craziest plan, one I don't think any of us would have dared attempt, but he was so…” Hanji’s eyes turned to Eren and she smiled warmly. “The meeting is set and now we have to plan.”

Eren nodded and said, “yes, but can I please stay here for a little bit longer?”

Hanji’s smile grew and Levi numbly nodded.

“Well, no one can say you're a big talker Levi, but I was at least expecting some reaction from you,” Hanji teased.

Levi snapped his mouth closed and mumbled, “I’m impressed with both of you, Hanji, make arrangements to close down the site, but it won’t be officially done until after the meeting.”

Hanji nodded and bowed. “Yes, Heichou,” said before hesitating an looking down. “It’s good to be home, Sir.” She added before turning and walking away.

Levi looked down at Eren. “You’ve gotten so strong…” He whispered.

“In some ways,” Eren replied.

Levi smiled ever so slightly and ran his fingers through Eren’s hair. “Though I’m almost more surprised you got Hanji in a dress.”

Eren’s mouth opened and he looked surprised before he burst out laughing. “She looked pretty good.”

“And it is a sight you will never see again,” Levi replied, his smile growing slightly. “I’ve never seen it.”

“She didn’t wear a dress to the wedding?” Eren asked.

Levi shook his head. “No, a pants suit.” 

“I guess she is just very dedicated to protecting you, Levi,” Eren said, his voice dropping. “It was all to keep you safe.”

Levi’s face became serious again. “I hope this meeting goes as you planned it to.”

Eren nodded. “As do I.”


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why this chapter? Because Eren deserves it, that's why. Your regularly scheduled angst will return later. :P

Eren lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. He was alone in the room, Hanji and Levi talking in the lab about business, and it felt alien to him. For the first time, Levi hadn’t summoned Armin to look after Eren until he could arrive, and it felt strangely cold alone in the room. He sighed and rolled onto his side, resigning to waiting for Levi to come up to be with him. Then the thought crawled it’s way from the dark part of his mind that maybe Levi WASN’T coming. Maybe, despite his declaration of not being able to hate Eren, he wasn’t intending to come to sleep in the bed with him. This thought caused Eren to shiver. Even if Levi didn’t hate him, he did point out that Eren’s behavior could be considered betrayal and that was easily enough to avoid Eren. He felt his body begin to shake, a feeling he was beginning to feel accustomed to in recent days.

The minutes felt as though they dragged on and Eren began to suspect his thought had been correct. He curled further into himself and shivered openly. He was aware of every muscle in his body tensing, to the point of being painful, another feeling he was growing used to. Hot tears gathered behind his eyes, but seemed too stubborn to fall just yet. It felt as though he had been alone for hours. 

Finally, he registered the faint creak of the door being pushed open. Eren couldn’t bring himself to move from his position, his back to the door. There was a few seconds of silence and then he could hear movement behind him. Before he could decipher the sounds, warmth was draped around him. He startled ever so slightly before registering the warmth as a heavy, fuzzy blanket. He mustered the strength to turn his head and saw Levi standing over him, tucking the edges of the blanket around him like a cocoon.

As if noticing the question in Eren’s eyes without looking up, Levi spoke. “Sometimes objects can be grounding. They can make you feel safe.”

Eren nodded, realizing that being cocooned like this did make him feel more comfortable. After finishing tucking the blanket around him, Levi hesitated, watching Eren. Eren couldn’t find the words to express what he wanted so he settled for attempting to beg Levi with his eyes.

Levi understood and settled on the bed, physically lifting Eren into a sitting position in order to hold him against his chest. Levi remained silent for a few minutes, staring at the wall across from the bed, his jaw slowly clenching and unclenching.

Eren began to feel nervous, his voice cracking ever so slightly as he called out. “Levi?”

Levi didn’t avert his gaze from the wall, but he spoke softly. “Don’t ever do that again.”

Eren felt the blood drain from his face. Levi was angry after all. “I’m sorry I went behind your back to do this, I just… I felt like it was important and I didn’t know what else to do and-“

His rambling was cut off by an irritated snort from Levi. “I don't care about that.”

Eren’s shaking intensified and he tried to wriggle his cocooned body away from Levi, feeling his need for physical contact was probably just an obligation to Levi at this point. “I’m sorry, I didn’t meant to defy you,” he whispered. 

Levi’s eyes shot to Eren in surprise before he pulled Eren back against him. “You don’t understand.”

Eren’s eyes widened and he felt his body pressed to Levi, held secure by strong arms. For the first time, being grabbed like this didn’t cause fear to rise. It instead made a painful twinge in his heart, realizing that he actions made Levi upset.

Levi took a deep breath before continuing. “I don’t care about what you did, I understand your motive. I thought I made it clear that didn’t upset me. What I meant is don’t ever go somewhere I can’t find you again. Even if you are with Hanji, I need to know I can protect you.”

Eren’s eyes widened further and he felt as though his heart was going to burst. He wriggled until he could get his arms out of the tightly wrapped blanket and threw them around Levi, burying his face into Levi’s neck.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just needed space to think and… I’m so so sorry,” Eren whispered.

“Next time you need space from me, tell Hanji and she will take you to another place in the house where I won’t bother you. Please,” Levi replied. 

Eren nodded into Levi’s neck and then pressed a kiss there after hesitating. Levi shifted slightly, surprised by the action. Eren felt bold for the first time in so long, as he continued to press soft kisses everywhere he could reach. Soon, Levi was shifting again, but in a different way. Eren bit his lip, not moving from his place against Levi, a little war raging inside himself, before he made a decision.

Eren sat back and looked over Levi appraisingly. Slowly, He peeled his own shirt from himself and then looked at Levi, who’s eyes hadn’t left Eren, expectantly. When Levi didn’t move Eren said, “now your turn.”

Levi just stared at Eren for a few moments before he leaned forward and slowly began to unbutton his shirt, his eyes locked on Eren’s watching calmly for any sign of fear. Eren held strong, watching Levi’s fingers undoing the buttons until his shirt fell open, revealing the well muscled chest and stomach. Levi pushed the shirt off of his shoulders and it fell in a pool on the bed. Eren’e eyes traced over Levi’s body and he bit his lip before moving forward to sit in Levi’s lap, their bodies pressed together, Eren’s arms thrown around Levi’s neck.

Levi’s hands settled on Eren’s hips as he looked up at the younger man, noticing Eren’s breathing was heavier than normal. At first concern perked in his mind, but he began to realize that this wasn’t like when Eren panicked. This time his breathing was more akin to… arousal. Levi’s eyes widened slightly as Eren’s lips came down to press hungrily to his.

When they pulled apart to breathe, Eren whispered, “I want you. Please, Levi… Please…”

Levi felt like his hands were moving on his own as he undid the clasp on Eren’s belt as he pushed the pants down, Eren shifted so they could come off fully. Soon, Eren was sitting, straddling Levi’s lap completely naked. Levi moaned softly as he pressed his lips to Eren’s chest, the feeling of Eren’s bare skin enough to drive him towards the edge. As his hands reached to grasp Eren’s ass, he felt the younger man stiffen. He immediately traced his hands up Eren’s back soothingly.

Pulling back he looked up at Eren. “You don’t remember.”

Eren looked nervous, but his eyes were still clouded with lust. “What?” He whispered.

Levi reached up and pulled Eren’s face back down to his, kissing him long and gentle before pulling back again. “Your body remembers the pain you went through, but you don’t remember having sex with me before.”

Eren just blinked at Levi, waiting for him to continue.

“You don’t remember that in this bed, you’re not the one to receive,” Levi whispered, reaching up to run his fingers across Eren’s cheek.

Eren’s eyes widened and his cheeks flushed. “I-I’m not?”

Levi shook his head. He reached between them and took Eren’s erection in his hand, pumping it gently. “It’s been so long since I’ve had this.”

Eren moaned and thrust his hips ever so slightly into Levi’s touch. Levi gently pushed Eren off him, retrieved something from the bedside drawer, and crawled over him, taking Eren’s cock in his mouth, sucking gently as he pushed his own pants down and off.

As Levi sucked him, Eren was aware that Levi’s hand was doing something behind him, causing Levi’s face to flush and him to moan ever so softly on Eren’s cock. Eren reached down and tugged on Levi’s hair, feeling himself draw closer to the edge trying to pull Levi away. Taking the message Levi pulled back and sat up on his knees, and Eren couldn't help but moan at the sight of him.

Levi sat on his knees, his hand moving behind him, his erection standing proud and hard against his stomach, his face and chest flushed pink as his mouth hung ever so slightly open, his eyes closed. Eren pushed himself up and pressed his lips to Levi’s his arms wrapping around the older man, his hand running down Levi’s arm until he reached Levi’s hand, that he was currently fucking himself open with.

Eren moaned as he felt Levi pushing in and out of himself with two fingers, and Levi in turn leaned forwards and bit Eren’s collar bone gently as his other hand fumbled around on the bed and pressed a bottle into Eren’s hand. Looking down, Eren realized it was lube, and after a second he poured some of it onto his fingers and reached around Levi again, the older man immediately pulling his fingers out to allow Eren to take over.

Levi shivered as Eren’s fingers sunk into him and he rested his forehead against Eren’s shoulder as the other stretched him. “More,” he whispered and Eren carefully slid a third finger inside. He gasped loudly as Eren touched his sweet spot inside and his hands gripped Eren’s arms as Eren repeated that action over and over. 

The majority of Levi’s weight was supported by Eren’s by the time he whined out, “Enough.”

Eren pulled his fingers away and Levi fell back onto the pillows, his legs not feeling strong enough to support him in this moment. Eren poured more lube onto his hand and slicked his cock before he looked up at Levi, his eyes asking for permission. Levi nodded and spread his legs to allow Eren to settle between them.

As Eren slowly began to push inside him, and Levi’s eyes closed as his head pushed back into the pillows. Once he was entirely inside, Eren stilled and looked down at Levi.

“Are… are you okay?” He gasped out, and Levi could feel Eren’s thighs shaking as he tried to keep his control.

Levi nodded, wrapping his arms around Eren’s shoulders. “I missed this.”

Eren bit his lip. “I don’t… I don't remember how to make you feel good. Its like the first time for me…”

Levi allowed himself to smile slightly and he shifted is hips, causing Eren to moan. “Fuck me gently, Eren. It’s been so long since I’ve been full.”

Eren nodded and slowly began to thrust in and out, and Levi’s eyes closed again as he moaned. As Eren watched the look of pleasure on Levi’s face, he realized this felt so right. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to Levi’s neck, sucking and kissing. As he did, Levi’s back arched, causing Eren’s thrusts to take a new angle.

“OH fuck!” Levi gasped out and his eyes shot open. Eren looked up, concerned but Levi shook his head. “K-keep hitting there… ohhhh godddd”

Levi’s voice tapered off into a long groan as Eren obeyed, picking up the speed and strength of this thrusts. Levi was a mess, moaning and crying out.

Eren whispered, “I’m going to come soon…” 

Levi nodded frantically and reached between them to pump his own cock. It only took a few strokes for him to come, splattering it between them, but he at least had the presence of mind to point his tip towards himself to keep the hot come from landing on Eren as much as possible, remembering what had happened last time it hit the younger man.

Eren moaned loudly as Levi’s insides tightened around him and he thrust twice more before coming inside the other man. Hs arms shaking as he stilled, propping himself over Levi, he pressed his lips to the other in a kiss and then whispered. “I love you, Levi.”

“I love you,” Levi replied, his eyes soft as he looked up at Eren and the other carefully slid out of him and rolled over to lay next to the Levi.

As Levi was coming down from the high of his orgasm, he registered the soft sound of Eren crying. He immediately rolled to look at him, running his fingers over Eren’s cheeks, wiping the tears.

“Don’t cry, it’s alright,” he whispered, guilt sweeping over him.

Eren shook his head. “I didn't think I was going to actually be able to do it. I want to, so badly, but I was sure I wasn't going to be able to. I’m so happy, Levi. I’m so happy and I love you so much.”

Levi pulled Eren into his arms and kissed his forehead, feeling tears threatening to fall from his own eyes. They lay like that for a long time, before they both drifted to sleep.

 


	21. Chapter 21

 

Levi woke the next morning feeling a sharp twinge in his back. He slowly stood and was well aware of the slight limp in his step as he walked towards the bathroom, feeling the tightness of his own dried come on his abdomen and the feeling of Eren’s trickling down his thighs. He was unaware he had woken Eren with his movements and that that younger man watched with smug satisfaction as Levi limped to the bathroom.

Levi leaned against the sink, wiping himself down from last night’s activities, briefly wondering what had possessed him to say what he did, fully knowing it was a lie. And he had rolled with that lie, so well that Eren had believed him. In truth, he’d never so much as fingered himself before, but the heat of the moment mixed with Eren tensing when Levi touched his ass had lead him to come up with that fabrication. 

“First time, indeed,” he sighed quietly to himself, realizing that he actually didn’t mind being the one fucked, as long as Eren was happy. Eren had wanted it so badly, and Levi couldn’t bring himself to let his younger husband down, no matter how bad the soreness was the next day. As he left the bathroom after taking a quick shower, he decided that he could continue to receive if that’s what Eren wanted, it’s not like it hadn’t felt good. After all, it hadn’t been a lie when he said he missed it even if he had really meant being connected to his love.

Eren lay in the bed, awake, as Levi entered the room again and he smiled as he looked over to him. “Good morning.”

Levi felt the slightest of blushes rise to his cheeks and he nodded in response.

As he dressed, Eren went to the bathroom and after a bit, met Levi back in the room and got dressed himself. The two went downstairs together and met Hanji in the lab. She raised her eyebrows when they entered, immediately noticing Levi’s hindered walking, but when she met his eyes, the look on his face clearly said ‘don’t you dare say a WORD’. She almost giggled, but decided she valued her life too much and stifled it.

“I’m going to the dojo…” Levi looked down at himself and then sighed. “The shooting range. I’ll be back later.”

Eren nodded and Levi left the room, and finally Hanji could start to laugh. “So… What exactly happened last night?” She wiggled her eyebrows at Eren.

Eren flushed and looked down stuttering. “N-nothing.”

This just caused Hanji to laugh harder. “He really loves you.”

Eren just blushed harder and studied the tile floor.

Hanji’s face sobered up and she looked serious. “The address they gave us…”

Eren looked up, realizing the point of teasing had passed and now this was serious. “What about it?”

“It’s where we found you,” Hanji bit her lip. “You don’t have to go.”

Eren’s eyes widened and he sat down hard on a stool. “Where you found me?”

Hanji nodded and placed a hand on Eren’s shoulder. “It’s okay. Levi and I can go. You don't have to come.”

Eren sat still for a long time before he shook his head. “No, I have to go.”

Hanji nodded after a moment and then gave him an encouraging smile. “We’ll keep you safe.”

 

_``~`**`~``_

 

The day of the meeting arrived. Hanji drove Levi and Eren to the planned meeting place. Despite having know the location ahead of time, actually being here made him unendingly nervous. Levi was also tense, but he kept his face emotionless.

As they pulled up, the area was dark and Hanji opened the door for them. Eren walked close Levi, less than a step behind as the entered the warehouse. Once inside, a few lights towards the back drew their attention. Approaching the lit rooms, Levi moved with purpose and strength, Hanji appearing more cautious, while Eren was doing everything he could not to let the terror be clear in his posture. 

When they entered the lit room, Levi’s back straightened further as he surveyed the room. His eyes settled on a man standing in front of three other men, and Eren noticed one of then was Dennis. 

“Nile,” Levi said coldly.

“Levi,” the other man greeted. “What is all this about, hm?”

Levi’s eyes hardened further. “You hurt what’s precious to me. Now, here is my ultimatum. Disband or I’ll continue my work.”

Eren tensed, not having known what Levi was going to say. That wasn’t what he had expected. Hanji gently pressed her elbow against Eren’s from where she stood next to him with her hands folded behind her back, as if she was trying to comfort him without moving.

“Disband, huh?” Nile looked over Levi, appraising his seriousness. Levi looked back at Nile without hesitation. “That’s it, huh? Not going to try and butter me up at all? Disband or have the family killed under me?”

Levi nodded. “That’s it.”

“Well, in that case I could just kill you all right here,” Nile said calmly, with a sick smile on his face.

Eren’s eyes widened as one of the men being Nile drew a gun and shot it in their direction, clipping him in the arm. Eren collapsed down to the ground, holding his arm as Hanji instinctively dove for cover.

Levi, however, stared as Eren was hit, and he saw red. He charged forward, not caring about anything but killing the one who hurt his Eren. A shot rang out and Eren could only watch from where he had fallen to the floor as Nile pointed the gun and shot into Levi’s stomach. Levi stopped moving and Eren felt such a swell of fear that he couldn’t even scream. 

Levi felt the pain of a bullet to the stomach, but his blind rage drove him to move again. He leapt forward and pounced on the man that had shot Eren, stabbing him over and over with the knife that was always on his belt. Nile kicked him, trying to get him off his subordinate, causing the knife to fly from Levi’s hands and land somewhere behind him. Levi slumped forward, unable to continue as he realized he was losing too much blood.

Nile sneered. “Humanity’s strongest brought down so easily? Either your reputation is sorely exaggerated or the rumors of you having gone soft were correct.”

“Leave him alone,” Eren whimpered.

“Oh, and there’s the reason you went soft trying to protect you. Pathetic,” Nile continued.

“Stop it…” Eren felt his throat tighten as he looked at the scene in front of him.

Eren saw Levi’s knife a few inches to his left, and he reached out to grab it, clutching it close as he looked over his shoulder, making eye contact with Hanji from where she had hidden herself. He motioned to the man on the right, and she nodded.

Nile made a disgusted noise, never having looked up from where he was leering at Levi, and motioned for another subordinate to finish Levi off. Simultaneously, a shot rang out and one of the subordinates fell from a gunshot wound, fired by Hanji, and the other with Levi’s knife sticking out of his chest, thrown by Eren. Nile looked at the two of them in shock, as if he hadn’t expected them to protect Levi, which would have been funny to Eren had the situation not been dire.

“Hanji,” Eren said darkly. 

Without hesitation, Hanji slid her gun over to Eren and he picked it up and shot Nile in the stomach. Nile fell to his knees and Eren stood, blood trickling out of the graze in his arm as he walked forward and kicked him.

“Now I’ve done to you what you did to him. I wouldn’t have touched you. I would have let you go home, but that’s my husband bleeding on the floor and I can’t say I’m going to let you live,” Eren said with a maniacal grin on his face. He raised the gun and pulled the trigger, shooting the man repeatedly.

Hanji finally stepped forward and placed her hand over Eren’s. “That’s enough, Eren. Levi needs our attention.”

Eren dropped the gun as he turned to Levi and fell to his knees, crawling over to the older man. “Levi… Levi!”

He pulled the other into his lap and cradled him. Levi looked up at him with glassy eyes. “I seem to have made an emotion based error,” he choked out weakly.

“Hey, stay with me here. It’s okay, Levi. You’re going to be okay. Hanji get the car we have to get him to an hospital. Meet me outside!” Eren scooped Levi into his arms, well aware that Levi’s eyes had slid closed and his breathing was beginning to fail. 

Hanji ran ahead, calling Armin as she did, telling him to bring Mikasa, that they needed to come do a clean up in the warehouse. By the time Eren got outside with Levi, Hanji had the car running and waiting for them by the door.

Eren climbed in, clutching to Levi as hot tears fell down his cheeks, and he begged whoever was listening. “Please, please, don't take him from me, please, please, please, please…”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *quietly hides* >.<


	22. Chapter 22

Arriving at the hospital, Levi was taken from Eren’s arms, and it took all of his strength to let go of the older man. He knew the other needed medical attention, but Eren was terrified to let him go. He brushed off the offer to have his arm looked at, not wanting to potentially take medical staff from Levi’s treatment. He and Hanji sat outside in a waiting area, Eren bouncing his knee with nervous energy as Hanji slumped over her knees in utter defeat.

As the minutes ticked on, Eren grew more and more restless, knowing the longer he sat still, the closer to shattering he was becoming. He had to DO something. Anything. As a sick thought passed through his mind, he stood and turned to Hanji.

“I can’t stay here,” he said.

Hanji looked up at him, her eyes wide with shock. “He will need you.”

Eren shook his head. “Hanji. I CAN’T STAY HERE.”

Hanji shrunk back from the harsh way the words were said, the thought passing through her mind that even if Levi doesn’t make it, if Eren commands the family like that, they would at least remain floating. She shook the thought from her head, hating herself for even thinking that Levi might not make it.

She pulled the car keys from her pocket and offered them to Eren. “Armin and Mikasa are doing clean up for us so they cant come get you. I have to stay here for him. If you must go, take the car.”

Eren took the keys and walked out of the hospital getting behind the steering wheel, willing himself to not look in the back seat where he knew more of Levi’s blood than ever should be outside of his body was staining the seats. He slammed his forehead against the wheel, not even knowing where he was going, just knowing he had to get away. Finally he started the car and drove away from the hospital, in the direction of the warehouse district.

As he drove, he couldn’t think of anything except how beautiful Levi looked when he gave that rare small smile. How strong Levi was, both physically and mentally. He knew that this was his fault. Levi wouldn’t have lost his composure like that if it hadn’t been for Eren. He felt his hands begin to shake as he clutched the steering wheel harder, until his knuckles turned white. He blinked away tears as he pulled up in front of the warehouse, noting the car Armin usually drove parked out front.

He walked in to see Armin and Mikasa working on cleaning up the bodies. They both looked up when Eren walked in, their eyes widening. Mikasa stood and walked over to him, resting her hand on his shoulder.

“Eren, what happened to your arm. Where is Hanji and Heichou?” she asked, purposely positioning her body in between him and the bodies, not realizing two of them were dead because of him.

Eren smiled bitterly, realizing that just added to this night. On the same night Levi was gravely wounded, Eren became a murderer. “Where is Levi’s knife?”

Armin stood and walked over to him, holding out the knife. Eren took it, running his fingers lightly over the handle. Armin shifted slightly, nervous before he spoke up.

“There is blood here that is unaccounted for. Please tell us what’s going on. Hanji just told us to come clean up.”

Eren raised his eyes from the knife to study their faces. “It’s Levi’s,” he said finally. “And it’s all my fault.”

The two of them just stood in shock as Eren walked past them and squatted before Nile’s body. He spoke bitterly, like the corpse in front of him could hear him.

“Not only did you shoot him, you mocked him, and now you’re dead. What are you going to do now, I killed you,” Eren whispered. He began to pull at Nile’s clothes.

Mikasa moved forward to stop him but Eren roughly shook her off, instead demanded. “Show me his tattoo.”

After a second, Armin stepped forward and pulled the collar of the man’s shirt down revealing a tattoo on his neck. Eren reached out, his eyes beginning to cloud and slowly, painstakingly cut the flesh the crest was tattooed to away. His ability to cut like this was not nearly as good at Levi’s and the crest itself got cut several times before Eren managed to free it from it’s host.

“What are you doing, Eren?” Mikasa finally asked.

“When Levi wakes up, he’ll want proof that we killed Nile. I’m just getting the proof,” Eren shrugged and handed the patch of flesh to Armin. “Make sure to preserve this.”

Armin looked almost sick for a second before he nodded, holding out a handkerchief for Eren to drop the skin into. “This isn’t like you,” he said as he folded the handkerchief.

“I’m fine,” Eren said lightly, his eyes glassed over.

“Fine never means fine,” Mikasa replied.

Eren stood. “I’m just going to go home and wait for Levi to come back,” he replied instead and walked out of the warehouse.

Instead of going home, Eren drove to the edge of the water and got out of the car, finally allowing himself to break down. He knelt on the ground and wrapped him arms around himself, wailing out sobs as he rocked back and forth.

“It’s all my fault. It’s all my fault. Please live Levi, please, pleaseeee,” he sobbed out, as his fingers wrapped around the handle of Levi’s knife.

He considered cutting into his own skin, but decided that it would be wrong to use Levi’s knife for that. Levi would be angry at him for that. He just cried and cried until his tears dried and he choked out dry sobs. 

He looked over the water in the dark, hating himself for even existing. He stayed there like that for a long time before deciding that he needed to move again. Yet, he still stayed where he was, unable to force his legs to move. Finally, Eren pulled himself back together enough to get back in the car and drive back to the mansion.

His fist stop was the bedroom, but he couldn’t even look at the bed let alone touch it without Levi there. He walked though the house, not feeling comfortable in any of the rooms until he made his way out to the back yard. Here, he followed the trail Levi had lead him down, to the small garden Levi had said was his.

He fell to his knees in the garden and stared lifelessly at the wall in front of him. “This is it,” he thought. “This is where I will wait for Levi to come home.”

This is where Hanji found him when she came back from the hospital and this is where she had to leave him because he snarled like a wounded animal when she tried to pull him to his feet. She settled for bringing a meal out to him in the garden, but he didn’t touch it. She couldn’t bring herself to give Eren news in the state Levi was in, instead opting to wait until he seemed to be in a clearer headspace, and possibly came back into the house. She didn’t realize just how long she would have to wait.

 

_``~`**`~``_

 

“Eren, please, eat something. It’s been three days. Haven’t your legs cramped?” Hanji placed the new tray of food in front of Eren, noting that he at least drank the water she supplied.

Eren sat quietly in the lily garden. Though there were no more flowers in bloom, he couldn’t quite bring himself to move. Hanji bit her lip, deciding a new tactic was needed to break through Eren’s clouded mind.

“You know he was an idiot, right? It’s not your fault,” she asked quietly.

“He should have given better options, you mean?” Eren asked, the same quiet tone in his voice that Hanji had addressed him with.

“Yes. He was never good at negotiations,” Hanji replied. 

“They could have not shot him. When is he coming home?” Eren said lifelessly.

Hanji remained silent for a few minutes, before she sighed. “I don’t know Eren. He hasn’t woken up yet. The doctors said that now we just have to wait, it’s up to him to wake up.”

“Oh,” Eren replied.

“Eren, this may sound insensitive, but it’s my job to say the uncomfortable things. If he doesn’t… wake up… will you lead the family?” Hanji bit her lip.

“Don’t even joke about that,” Eren responded, still not turning around.

Hanji bit her lip. “It’s not a joke. And I know that in worst case scenarios, that’s what Levi would want.”

Eren felt his shoulders tense. “I’d do it for him.”

Hanji looked down and whispered. “I thought you’d say that.”

Eren nodded and forced himself to relax. “But it doesn't matter because he is going to come home and be just fine.”

Hanji felt her eyes burn with tears she refused to shed. “Of course.”

Eren looked down, the only movement he made within the time he had been here, to where Levi’s knife remained clutched in his hands. He felt too empty to cry, even though the feeling brought forth from looking at the knife suggested that such a n action could be possible. Instead, Eren looked back up, focusing on the wall, letting the feelings of self hatred loneliness fill him again.

Hanji left him there to return to the hospital. She was at a loss, unsure of how to convince the young man in the garden to move and how to reach the older man sleeping in the hospital bed to open his eyes.


	23. Chapter 23

Eren was losing weight at an alarming speed. Hanji realized after a few more days that he was eating and drinking just enough to keep himself alive, almost as if it was out of obligation. She knew that Eren felt responsible for what happened to Levi and she could only surmise that Eren was keeping himself alive in order to allow what he considered his victim to exact his revenge. She didn't know how to explain to Eren that Levi wouldn’t be happy with his state when he finally woke up. She didn’t know how to express that Levi would want Eren perfectly healthy and functional, no matter what. No matter how she tried to explain it, it was like the logic of it bounced off Eren’s emptiness and fell uselessly in the dirt of the garden. It was getting to be colder weather and she couldn’t even get the younger man to put on a coat when it too cold for the clothes he was wearing. She considered facing the wounded animal snarl and behavior that came with it in order to physically move him inside.

She found herself sitting next to Levi’s hospital bed, asking the man for advice even though his sleeping form couldn’t answer her. Her eyes remained focused on her folded hands in her lap as she spoke. “What do I do, Heichou? Eren is shattered, he won’t move from the garden. He won’t eat, he’s becoming so thin. All of the work we put into building him up has been all but thrown away. All I can think is Eren needs you. He needs to see you alive and okay. Or at least as okay as you can be. I know what the doctors said, and I couldn't bear to tell him. He blames himself and I couldn’t… I couldn’t tell him that your injury plus the way you aggravated it with moving afterwards, and then again when we moved you could lead to you never walking again. How could I tell him that with how much he is already hurting? How can I save him and help you? Levi, it’s too much for me, I can’t do this alone. Help me.”

Hanji rested her head on the side of the bed and felt her shoulders shake as all the tears she had refused to let fall up until now spilled out of her.

“Unusual… For you… To cry… or ask for… Help,” a voice spoke haltingly.

Hanji’s head shot up and her eyes widened as she looked at Levi slowly blinking at her from the bed.

“LEVI!!” She nearly screamed and couldn't stop herself from hugging him, causing him to wince and grunt softly as she put a little too much weight on him, stressing his injury a bit.

“So… I can't walk?” Levi asked softly when she pulled away.

Hanji looked down. “Your spine… all of the aggravation to the injury lead to possibly irrevocable damage. The doctors aren’t entirely sure yet.”

Levi nodded slowly. “Eren.”

“He… He needs you. He’s broken down. No matter what I say or do, I can’t pull him out of it,” Hanji replied.

Levi nodded again. “Get me out… of this hospital.”

Hanji bit her lip, knowing that order was most likely farfetched. “I’ll go get your doctor.”

 

_``~`**`~``_

 

The doctor shook his head. “I can’t say it’s a good idea to leave the hospital, Mr. Ackerman. I recommend you stay here at least until you have recovered a bit more. You may run the risk of doing further damage to your spine. If you insist on leaving, you must wear a brace at all times and spend the majority of time laying down,” the doctor said, clearly unhappy with Levi being determined to leave.

Levi shook his head. “I cant stay here.”

Hanji bit her lip, her mind wandering back to the last time she heard that phrase. “He has a staff that will look after him,” she pointed out.

The doctor seemed unsatisfied but allowed Levi to be discharged. Once Levi was allowed to leave, wrapped tightly in a brace that restricted his upper body movement, Hanji wheeled him out in a wheelchair and then lifted him into the back seat of the waiting car. Levi made a frustrated noise at this but didn’t say anything as Hanji positioned his legs.

She quietly handed him the brochures that the doctor had given her, all centered around rehab facilities and at home nurses. Levi barely glanced at them before tossing them onto the seat next to him. Hanji sighed.

“You’re stubbornness is only going to make things worse here,” she pointed out before closing the car door and climbing in the front seat to drive.

“It’s not important. Take me to Eren,” Levi replied simply.

Hanji sighed again and started to drive. The trip was silent and Hanji glanced back in the rearview mirror to see that Levi had dozed off. She almost felt bad waking him when they arrived at the house, knowing that he must be in incredible amounts of pain, even if he refused to let it show on his face.

Armin moved forward, pushing the wheelchair Hanji had called ahead for him to prepare and Hanji gently woke Levi. When she leaned into the car and lifted him out, he made the same frustrated noise again as Hanji placed him in the chair.

“This will get old quick,” Levi grumbled as he tried to move his legs on his own accord, to no avail.

Hanji and Armin lifted the chair up the stairs to get into the house and when they placed it carefully at the top, Hanji turned to Armin. “Go make arrangements to have ramps installed. Here and in the back, and see about what they can do about the stairs inside.”

Armin nodded and moved off. Hanji wheeled Levi through the house, until they got to the backyard. Standing in the door way, she took a deep breath.

“Heichou, Eren doesn’t know anything. He has been in the garden since the night of the meeting and… He isn’t doing well. He doesn’t know about… This,” Hanji motioned to the chair.

Levi nodded. “I’m not your Heichou any more. If I can’t protect this family, then replace me.”

Hanji raised her eyebrows. “With all due respect, no one here will obey that order, Heichou.”

Levi just grunted, and Hanji began to wheel him towards the garden. When she opened the gate, she immediately admonished Eren.

“You still haven’t eaten? Eren, you’re going to starve to death at this rate,” she exclaimed, leaving Levi at the gate and walking forward to pick up the food tray.

Eren didn’t move. “I’ll stay alive long enough for Levi to come home and kill me for what I’ve done,” he replied listlessly.

Hanji had heard this line before, and she pursed her lips, knowing nothing she could say would change his mind. Levi, however, didn’t seem pleased with this.

“Really now?” He asked, his voice laced with aggravation.

Every muscle in Eren’s body tensed and he slowly turned to look over his shoulder. “Levi…?”

“What would posses you to think I’ll kill you?” Levi said, irritated.

Eren moved to stand but his legs collapsed under him on his first two attempts. Finally he stood and began to run forward, only to be caught mid way by Hanji. He snarled at her, another sound she had heard quite a bit recently, but she held fast.

“Eren, you can’t. You have to be gentle, or his injuries could get worse. He shouldn’t have even left the hospital yet,” she said softly, her voice soothing.

Eren nodded frantically and Hanji released him. Eren walked forward on shaky legs and collapsed to his knees in front of Levi. “It’s all my fault,” he whimpered and pressed his face to Levi’s thigh.

Levi pressed his lips into a thin line, desperately wishing he could feel that face touching him, but the numbness of his legs prevented him from feeling the pressure. Instead, though, he focused on what Eren was saying. “Nothing is your fault.”

“If I hadn't been there, you wouldn’t have gotten hurt,” Eren replied.

“Stop it, Eren,” Levi said softly. “I don’t blame you.”

Eren just whimpered and nuzzled Levi’s leg.  After a few moment, he reached out and placed Levi’s knife in his lap. Levi looked down at the display and sighed.

“If you truly feel responsible, then my punishment for you is you must take care of yourself. Take care of yourself so you can be strong enough to take care of me,” Levi said quietly.

Eren looked up sharply. “You’re going to be okay, right?”

Slowly Levi shook his head. “I can’t move my legs.”

Eren’s mouth hung open and he looked like he was about to cry, but Levi shook his head. “No, don’t cry. Don’t blame yourself. Go in the house, eat something, take a shower. Regain your strength.”

Eren closed his mouth and lowered his head, standing slowly.  “Yes, sir,” he whispered.

Levi reached out and caught his hand. “Don’t call me that. You’re my husband, not my subordinate. More than anything, I want you safe and healthy.”

Eren nodded and bent forward, lifting Levi’s hand to his lips and kissed it gently. Then he turned and walked towards the house.

Levi turned his head and watched him go, until he disappeared from view. Levi turned back around and slammed his fist into his leg. “Dammit!”

“Levi!” Hanji cried out, stepping forward.

“It doesn’t matter, I can’t feel it,” Levi growled. “It’s like he couldn't see me, he was just so… lifeless.”

“You can still do damage, even if you can’t feel it. And you have no idea how much you did. He moved from that spot. He’s going to take care of himself for the first time in so long. I know this is hard for you, but it’s hard for him too. He feels responsible,” Hanji crossed her arms.

Levi carefully picked up the knife Eren had left in his lap. “I know you taught him how to disarm someone, but I want you to start to teach him how to fight with a knife.”

“He’s able to on instinct. I know you were out of it, but he threw that knife like a pro,” Hanji pointed out.

“Instinct can only get you so far,” Levi sighed. “This is never the life I wanted for him.”

“Is it your choice what life he follows?” Hanji asked. “He agreed to take over the family for you if that’s what you wanted.”

“I’m sure you influenced that decision,” Levi replied.

“Only slightly. He chose on his own,” Hanji admitted.

“For now, I want you to take over. Not fully, but for anything that would require my presence, you will go in my stead,” Levi seemed to be a bit more himself, to Hanji’s relief.

“Yes, Heichou,” Hanji bowed slightly.


	24. Chapter 24

Several days, plenty of full meals and full nights of rest saw Eren in the dojo with Hanji, doing strength exercises in order for Eren to be able to cater to Levi’s every need. There had been a ramp installed on the front steps, but they still weren’t sure what to do about the stairs inside, leading Hanji to have carried Levi up and down them every time needed so far, much to his frustration. Eren wanted to help, but Hanji insisted that Eren avoid carrying Levi until she was satisfied with the return of his strength. The days he had spent in the garden had depleted both his weight and muscle mass.

Levi was still wrapped tightly in the brace, aware that he was going to need at least a few more weeks before he was allowed to remove it. That didn’t stop his stubbornness from being frustrated with all the help he needed to receive. Eren brought all of his meals to the bedroom, both him and Hanji insisting that Levi spend most, if not all, of his time laying down. Levi had, however, insisted on the two of them leaving him with some simple weights so he could keep his arm strength up. Eren also left him with piles of books to keep him entertained when he wasn’t there. All of the books in the world couldn’t replace the feeling of the blade dance that Levi craved at the moment.

“Eren, break time,” Hanji called.

Eren sat down on the floor and accepted a water bottle. “I’ve got a ways to go,” he muttered.

“You’ll get back to where you were and more. Levi wants me to teach you how to fight with a knife, too, but… I think I want him to teach you that. Are you open to waiting until his wounds close?” Hanji said.

“Him teach me?” Eren asked, looking surprised.

“Well, in a manner, anyway. He’s probably better with a knife right now than I’ll ever be. He can show you the upper body portions and anything else, he can use me as an extension of himself to demonstrate. Knives have never been my focus, so I’m not confident in my ability to teach that art to you. Disarming them, I’ve got. Using them, not so much,” Hanji leaned back on her hands. “Though, we will have to convince him, too.”

Eren nodded. “I can wait.”

“Okay, great. Do you want to work some more today or do you want to be dismissed?” Hanji smiled.

“Work a little more. I have to get stronger,” Eren looked determined.

Honestly, having seen the state Eren was in when he had been collapsed in the garden, Hanji was surprised by his strength. It was as if Levi having told him to become strong enough to take care of him had pulled all of Eren’s broken bits back together and now Eren was as focused as he had been before, or maybe even more so. The only thing that bothered her, is the young man hadn’t smiled once. She knew what was going on was painful, but she couldn’t remember a time when he hadn’t smiled for so long. Even when they had rescued him, he was smiling in short order. For someone who was as much of a ray of sunshine as Eren was, this was concerning to her. She again thought about suggesting therapy to the man, knowing he had been open to it before, but now she felt like he would brush off the idea in favor of being in the house, focused on Levi.

After another few hours, Hanji called a halt to their training. She could see the tell tale signs of exhaustion on Eren’s face and she herself was winded. “I’m not as young as you are,” she teased weakly.

Eren rolled his eyes and stood. “I’m going to bring some food to Levi.”

Hanji nodded and watched Eren retreat from the room. He headed to the kitchen, put together some sandwiches and made tea before putting it all on a try and carrying it carefully up the stairs. He took a deep breath before pushing into the bedroom.

“Hey, Levi,” he said softly, looking over the man stretched out on the bed, a book suspended over his face.

Levi nodded in recognition, but didn’t turn away from his book.

“Are you hungry? I have tea and sandwiches,” Eren said, settling on the chair by the bed.

‘I’m not so fragile you can’t lay with me. Or sleep with me,” Levi said, his eyes not leaving the pages of his book.

Eren’s shoulders slumped slightly. “I don’t want to hurt you more.”

He knew Levi wasn’t pleased with the fact that Eren hadn’t been sleeping in the bed with him, opting instead to sleep in a spare bedroom down the hall. He was just terrified that he would roll in his sleep and reopen all of the wounds inside Levi. Over the  past few days, Hanji had explained that Levi had undergone several lifesaving surgeries, basically stitching his insides back together and removing the bullet that had made it’s way into Levi’s spine. Despite what Levi had said, Eren still felt responsible and he refused to cause any more damage.

“It hurts not being close to you,” Levi said quietly. “It hurts waking up and not knowing where you are and being unable get up to find you.”

Eren bit his lip. “Okay, I’ll stay here with you.”

Levi nodded, hating how weak he felt. He put down the book and looked over at Eren. “You don't have to stay with me.”

“You just asked me to…” Eren said, confused.

“I mean at all. You don’t have to stay with a pathetic cripple. You stayed here so I could protect you, remember? I can’t now, so maybe it would be better for you to forget me again,” Levi turned his eyes to stare at the ceiling.

“Shut up. Don’t be an idiot! You’ve done that enough already!” Eren yelled.

Levi’s eyes widened, not having expected anger from Eren.

“I’m here for your protection? That’s not even funny! I’m here because I want to be, and I love you. Don’t ever EVER say it would be better for me to forget you. Do you know how hard it is not remembering everything else?? How much I want to remember the years we spent together, but can’t? Don't even think about suggesting I just forget everything all over again! I swear, if you weren’t in that bed, I’d hit you,” Eren raged, his eyes shooting around until they landed on the tray he had brought with him. “Now, eat your damn sandwich and don’t say that ever again.”

Levi just stared at him for a few seconds before he took the sandwich and took a small bite. He couldn’t really eat a lot, his stomach having been effected by the wounds, but he was not about to disobey that rage filled command. Eren slumped forward and buried his face into his hands.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I just got mad.”

Levi shook his head, attempting a second bite of the sandwich. “No, I wasn’t thinking about how that could effect you.”

Eren looked up as Levi choked a little. “Should I go make soup instead?”

Levi put down the sandwich and nodded slightly. “It might be easier to get down.”

“Okay, I’ll be right back,” Eren stood and reached for the tray, but then he stopped. He leaned forward, bracing his weight on the headboard of the bed as he gently pressed his lips to Levi’s. Levi kissed him back, and it felt like all of the problems melted away for the time their lips were connected. When he pulled back, Eren let the smallest of smiles grace his lips for the first time. “I love you.”

Levi returned the look. “God knows why.”

Eren rolled his eyes and stood straight, throwing his hands in the air. “One soup coming right up,” he chose to say instead of picking on that statement.

 

_``~`**`~``_

 

One month passed, marked by Levi’s return to the doctor. This time, Hanji stood back and allowed Eren to carry Levi down the stairs and out to the car. He had improved by leaps and bounds, surpassing his previous level of strength like it was nothing. Once Levi and Eren were settled into the back of the car, Hanji got in to drive.

“Now, no matter what the doctor says, it’s not a big deal,” Hanji said, suddenly feeling like an over protective parent.

“Yes, mom,” Eren said, apparently thinking so as well. Levi just huffed softly.

After a series of tests, and Levi feeling fully violated by how poked and prodded he was the doctor sat down with the three of them.

“I can clear you to have the brace removed. The wounds from the surgeries have closed nicely. However, it appears as though you will be wheelchair bound,” the doctor said.

“Wheelchair bound as in for more time healing or as in forever?” Hanji asked.

The doctor looked sympathetic. “The evidence points towards forever.”

Levi growled. Eren put a gentle hand on his arm. Hanji stifled a wince before she nodded.

“What about exercise?” Hanji continued.

“Yes, light to moderate physical activity is approved. I’d say wait for at least another few weeks before anything above moderate,” the doctor replied.

“I can’t stay stuck in a chair,” Levi growled out.

The doctor looked over, surprised. “Well, it’s not something I wouldn’t mind being proven wrong about, but it is highly unlikely you will ever gain full control of your legs again. I can assure you, it’s not the end of the world.”

Hanji slowly closed her eyes and muttered under her breath. “Wrong thing to say.”

Eren slowly stood up and shifted himself between Levi and the doctor. “Levi…”

“Eren, move,” Levi growled.

“No,” Eren said, trying to convey calm as the doctor looked terrified at the look on Levi’s face before Eren had gotten in the way.

“Not the end of the world? You explain to me exactly how I am meant to run this family?” Levi spat angrily.

Eren’s eyes narrowed and he turned to face Levi, placing a hand on either side of the other man, boxing him in. “The same way you always have. He’s right, this isn’t the end of the world. You're still you, Hanji and Mikasa and Armin will follow you, chair or not. And I will always stand by your side, no matter what. Calm down and let the good doctor do his job.”

Levi’ eyes widened and he nodded slightly. Hanji sighed and she stood, placing her hand on Eren’s shoulder. “Stop using your boss voice on the boss. It sends such mixed messages.”

“Sorry,” Eren muttered and he turned back around.

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m impressed,” Hanji laughed lightly.

“Um…” The doctor coughed slightly, reminding them that their was someone else in the room.

“Sorry about that, Heichou tends to be a little touchy about his situation,” Hanji grinned at the doctor. “Is there anything else we need to know?”

The doctor shook his head. “I’ve prescribed more pain killers, but there is a good chance that the pain will never fully dissipate.”

Hanji nodded.  “Alright, in that case, we will take our leave. Thanks, Doc.”

As they left, Eren detected whispering behind the counter that sounded distinctly like ‘yakuza’. He smirked ever so slightly, noticing Hanji slipped her coat off and rolled up her sleeves, complaining about the heat, displaying her crest proudly. She must have heard, too.

Eren leaned forward, pressing his lips to Levi’s ear and whispered. “See, we are still proud of this family.”

Levi glanced at Hanji, before he rolled his eyes. “You’ll freeze. Put your coat back on, moron.”

Hanji grinned. “Worth it,” she said before pulling her coat back on.

“Maybe I should take off my pants instead,” Eren joked lightly.

Levi’s head turned at an alarming speed, “Not until we get home.”

Eren and Hanji both stopped walking and stared. Levi calmly stared straight ahead as the other two’s mouths hung open.

“What?” Levi asked calmly. Eren walked around to stand in front of the chair, noting the amusement in Levi’s eyes.

For the first time since the meeting Eren’s face broke out in a grin, followed by rich laughter. “As you wish, boss,” he laughed out.

Hanji laughed along with him before she tilted her head to the side. “Can you even…?”

Eren blinked up at here and opened his mouth. “I didn’t even think about that.”

Hanji turned halfway back. “We’ve already made that doctor super uncomfortable, we can ask him if sex falls into light to moderate exercise. And you know… if it works.”

Levi glared hard at her. “If it works?”

“Hanji, you couldn’t have just been asking what I think you were asking,” Eren said, gaping at her.

“What? I’m curious. I think I’ll go ask,” Hanji shrugged.

“He’s about to kill you. I might not stop him,” Eren replied, glancing down at Levi’s face.

Levi stared straight into Hanji’s eyes as he spoke very slowly. “My dick works, and I think my husband is strong enough to make it light to moderate for me, though I do have concerns about my back.”

Eren’s legs gave out from under him. “Who are you and what have you done with Levi?”

Levi looked down at Eren. “She would have really gone back to ask. It’s less embarrassing this way.”

“He’s not wrong, I would have,” Hanji chimed in.

“For the love of…” Eren face palmed. “Let’s just go home…”

Hanji snickered. Levi shot her a sharp look. “Stop teasing him.”

“Yes, Heichou,” she sang merrily and helped Eren to stand again before they wheeled Levi to the car.


	25. Chapter 25

Once back at the house, Eren carried Levi upstairs, pointedly ignoring Hanji who was snickering again. Eren placed Levi in the bed, but didn’t pull back once he was settled and pressed his forehead against Levi’s.

“Sometimes I can understand why you’re always telling Hanji you’re going to kill her,” he muttered.

Levi snorted out a laugh. “I’ve known her long enough that it’s just easier to tell her what she wants to know, no matter how uncomfortable because if you don't she’ll make it ten times worse.”

Eren sat back, perching on the edge of the bed. “Concerns about your back, huh?”

Levi felt the slightest hints of a blush rising, and he looked down. “I did feel it last time, so I wonder about how it might effect me this time.”

Eren nodded. “You know, Levi, we don’t have to have sex. I won’t love you any less.”

Levi almost laughed. “You think I don’t know that? I gave you every chance to escape from this.”

Eren smiled softly. “Why would I ever want to escape? If it was me in the bed, you wouldn’t run away from me. You didn't run away from me when I was so broken I couldn’t even speak.”

Levi looked at Eren with soft eyes. “I suppose I was thinking if it was the you before you were taken, you would never have left me alone when I was suffering. I just didn't think I’d get to have it proven to me so soon that the you of today would also stay.”

Eren thought carefully for a few moments. “It’s the same me, even if I don’t remember.”

“Clearly,” Levi raised an eyebrow at Eren.

“Have I ever told you how cute you are when you make that face?” Eren said after a second.

Levi’s eyes widened. “N-no.”

“Hm, we’ve known each other for almost 7 years and I didn’t think to tell you that before. Way to drop the ball, me,” Eren replied.

“You called me that in general, no matter how much I told you to stop, if that helps,” Levi looked down.

“Well, that’s at least something,” Eren offered a half smile.

Eren crawled onto the bed and lay down next to Levi, one hand sliding up Levi’s shirt and gently traced over the scars on his abdomen. His brow furrowed slightly as he traced over them and he bit his lip.

“What is it?” Levi asked.

“It’s weird to feel you without all that definition. You’re so specific about your body condition, it’s almost like I’m not actually touching you,” Eren replied.

Levi sighed. “Trust me, it’s stranger for me than it is for you. I don’t know if I could support my own weight with my arms right now. I can’t remember the last time I could say that.”

“We could see,” Eren said after a second.

“What?” Levi asked.

“We could see if you can,” Eren repeated himself.

“How?” Levi looks suspicious.

“I had Hanji set something up in the dojo. I don’t intend to let you remain immobile forever, Levi. I don't mind taking care of you, and if it is needed I will do it until the day I die. But you seem so miserable this way, so I thought, how about we prove that doctor wrong?” Eren replied.

Levi slowly nodded. “But first, didn’t you say you were going to take your pants off?”

Eren just blinked at Levi. “Wait, you were serious?”

“How often do I joke?” Levi responded without hesitation.

“More often than most people would think,” Eren shot back.

“Fair enough, but I was serious this time. Especially because I didn’t want you taking them off in the office,” Levi nodded.

Eren lay still for a few moments, as if deciding. Finally he stood up and dropped his pants, kicking them to the side. Levi motioned for him to come closer until Eren was kneeling on the bed next to Levi’s side. The older man ran his fingers along the scars that hadn’t faded even slightly on Eren’s skin.

“Now we match a little more,” Levi said quietly.

Eren nodded and lifted Levi’s shirt, pressing his lips to the scars from the bullet wound and the later surgeries on Levi’s stomach. “You’re no less beautiful.”

“That’s what I told you,” Levi said softly, his fingers still working over Eren’s legs, brushing over his crest and following the long lines of scars.

“It doesn’t mean it isn't true for you, too,” Eren murmured as his lips trailed upwards and he sucked on Levi’s collar bone, at the same time pushing Levi’s shirt further up.

“You’re okay?” Levi whispered.

“Somehow, this doesn’t seem at all threatening, all things considered,” Eren said after a second of hesitation.

Levi snorted. “At least that’s a positive. Maybe the only positive.”

Eren rolled his eyes and captured Levi’s lips in his. “I don’t know how far we can take this,” he whispered as he pulled back for air.

Levi nodded and pulled his shirt off the rest of the way. “I’m not as fragile as I appear,” Levi replied with a shrug.

Eren bit his lip. “I know what you said last time, but I know it might be easier for you if I… you know.”

“Eren,” Levi looked up at Eren, with both amusement and frustration in his eyes. “Stop over thinking. If you can’t do that, my mouth still works, you know.”

Eren’s eyebrows shot up. “You’re just surprising me all over the place today.”

Levi just barely managed to suppress a roll of his eyes. “Just take off the rest, will you?”

Eren hesitated before he lifted his shirt off and slid his boxers down and off, then reached down and carefully pulled Levi’s pants and underwear down. Once they were both naked, Eren smiled slightly and bit his lip, appreciating the view. Levi was still gorgeous. His body was still sculpted, even if it wasn’t anywhere near where it had been, and true to his word, the hot kisses and gentle touches had stirred his cock to attention.

Levi was also looking over Eren’s body appreciatively. “If you don’t come over here and let me suck you, I will drag myself over there.”

Eren’s cock responded to that with a twitch before Eren could even think of something to say. However, instead of doing what he was told, he carefully rearranged Levi’s legs so he could settle between them and then leaned forward and ran his tongue over the length of his member before Levi could object.

“Fuck,” Levi whispered, as Eren’s tongue made slow, torturous circles around the tip.

Slowly that tongue slid back down the length, teasing Levi’s balls before kissing and sucking his way back up. Eren’s eyes were glued to Levi’s face as he placed a long, sensual kiss right against the slit.

“Please,” Levi whimpered.

And how could Eren say no to that quiet, tortured please? He pulled the head of Levi’s cock into his mouth and sucked gently before bobbing his head down until the tip hit the back of his throat. Levi let out a long low groan, looking down at the big green eyes that still hadn’t left his face as Eren sucked him. Eren ground his hips into the bed as he blew Levi, the sight of the older man in the throws of pleasure by _his_ mouth just seemed like too much.

When he pulled back a bit, focusing on his head, Levi squirmed and tried to tense his muscles to push his hips forward. He growled in both frustration and arousal as he couldn’t seem to tense his back enough to get any significant lift to thrust without his legs. Eren seemed to notice Levi’s problem, as he placed his hands against Levi, holding him gently against the bed before he took the length all the way down his throat again, gagging ever so slightly as his nose pressed to Levi’s belly. He was rewarded with a wanton moan from above him and some babbled out words he couldn’t quite decipher before he felt Levi's  cock twitch and pump hot come straight down his throat. Eren moaned as he milked Levi dry before he pulled back and gasped, reaching down to himself.

Levi looked down at Eren with clouded eyes as the younger man blushed bright red. He made a noise of curiosity as Eren crawled up to lay next to Levi.

“I was going to let you do me, I swear, but my hips seemed to have other ideas…” Eren blushed deeper.

“Did… Did you come from sucking me?” Levi asked as his high slowly subsided.

“Seems so?” Eren buried his face into the crook of Levi’s neck to hide his embarrassment.

Levi turned his head to press his cheek into Eren’s soft hair. “That’s strangely cute.”

“Ugh,” Eren grunted and then stood up. “I’m going to clean us up, then you want to go to the dojo with me?”

Levi nodded as Eren retreated to the bathroom for a minute and returned with a damp wash cloth to wipe down Levi with. Then he discarded it to the side, pulled Levi’s pants up his legs until they were mid thigh, and deftly scooped Levi off the bed, while pulling them up the rest of the way. 

“I don't know if I’m more impressed or angry that you’ve gotten so good at that…” Levi muttered as Eren placed him back on the bed and handed him a shirt.

“Why angry?” Eren asked, as he dressed himself.

“Well, I hate that you have to,” Levi looked down once he had his shirt on.

“I don’t mind at all,” Eren smiled gently and then lifted Levi into his arms and carried him out of the room and down the stairs, where he placed him in the wheelchair that waited at the bottom.

Eren pushed Levi into the dojo and motioned to a set up in the corner. It was two bars of equal height, about ten feet long. Eren pushed the wheelchair into position in front of the bars and walked around them to stand in between them, in front of Levi.

“You ready?” Eren asked.

Levi sighed and nodded. He didn’t want to think about the possibility that he could fail at this, but Eren was so supportive and ready to help him, so he agreed.

“If it’s too much, tell me at any time. Don’t push yourself too hard,” Eren gave Levi a small half smile and bent down, lifting him by the waist until he could grab the bars and hold himself up.

Levi’s arms shook with the effort, his muscles not used to this kind of activity after so much bed rest, but he stubbornly held himself up. Eren took a small step back, but his arms remained stretched out, prepared to catch Levi should he fall. After a few seconds, Levi shook his head and Eren immediately stepped forward and guided Levi back into the chair.

“I can’t hold myself up,” he growled out, frustration written all over his face.

“It’s okay. You want to try something else, or are you tired?” Eren asked gently.

Levi snorted, mainly frustrated. “I don’t want to give up.”

“Okay. Let’s try something else for now. It might be a little easier,” Eren said, ducking out from the bars.

Levi looked on with curiosity as Eren pushed him over to the wall, where a pull up bar was set up. “If I can’t hold myself up, what makes you think I can do that?”

“Because I can help with this,” Eren said softly, again lifting Levi from the chair until he could grab the bar. He held on for dear life as Eren let go of him for a second to readjust his grip. This way, Eren was holding him with his hands placed carefully on Levi’s hips. His strength was apparent, and Levi realized he could let go of the bar and Eren would probably still be holding him up, though he had no desire to test that. 

“Okay. So, you do what you can, and if you want me to help more or less, let me know,” Eren said looking up at Levi, before he laughed slightly.

“What?” Levi asked, somewhat self conscious.

“Nothing. I just thought that this is what it must look like for you, usually,” Eren replied, suffocating the laughter.

Levi rolled his eyes and tensed his arms, trying to pull himself up. With Eren’s help, he managed as he grunted out. “Short jokes? Really?”

“Sorry, sorry,” Eren replied, his muscles tensing as he lifted Levi up again, bracing the older man so he could do the exercise.

After several repetitions, Levi was sweating and his arms were shaking despite Eren’s help, much to his frustration. He almost groaned out loud on the last pull up because of the strain and he looked down as he lowered, noting the fine sheen of perspiration on Eren’s face as he concentrated on lifting and lowering Levi with just enough strength that he wasn’t straining to hard. Levi slowly let go of the bar and Eren’s hands on his hips tensed, taking all of Levi’s weight. Levi ran his hands over Eren’s arms, feeling the slightest of shakes in the rigid muscles, dedicated to holding him up. Looking over Eren’s body, he realized that as much as this was an exercise for Levi’s arms, it was a whole body exercise for Eren, who had his every muscle braced and tense to help Levi.

“Down. I need a break,” Levi said softly.

Eren carefully lowered Levi back into the chair and then plopped down to the floor himself. “This might take a while.”

Levi nodded. “Are you okay?”

“Fine. It’s just a bit of a weird angle, I’ll get used to it,” Eren gave Levi a small smile. “Don’t worry about me, this is about you.”

Levi pressed his lips into a fine line, knowing that if he expressed concern for Eren, he would just brush it off. Different tactic, he decided. “Well, if you need a break, you speak up because I’d rather you not drop me.”

Eren scoffed slightly but nodded. “Whatever you say, boss.”

Levi rolled his eyes. “So I’m boss now?”

“Well, you literally are,” Eren replied.

“Only because I literally am not being permitted to be replaced. Plus, didn’t I tell you that you’re not my subordinate?” Levi raised an eyebrow.

“No one could replace you. And to you only. Everyone else recognizes that I am loyal to you after exchanging cups,” Eren returned Levi’s look with scary accuracy.

“Ridiculous. You’re my spouse,” Levi shot back.

“Can’t I be both?”

“No.”

Eren laughed softly. “Stubborn. You know I’m just teasing you, right? Calling you boss is like a term of endearment, after all, I know I don’t behave like Armin and Mikasa or even Hanji.”

“Well, I suppose I can deal with that,” Levi closed his eyes and leaned back in the chair. After a few seconds he spoke again. “You could replace me.”

Eren’s eyes widened. “Levi-“

“I’m not asking you to, at least not yet. But you could replace me, you have the demeanor needed when you want to and the family would be loyal to you. And I would trust you to do it,” Levi said, still not opening his eyes.

“I’m honored you would say that, but it’s still your family, Levi,” Eren said quietly, looking at the ground.

“For now. Eventually I will have to retire, one way or another. I’m not immortal. If it’s not something like this, age will catch up eventually,” Levi pointed out.

“Well, that I’m okay with. But at that point it won't be me taking over, I intend to retire when you do,” Eren said looking up at Levi.

Levi snorted. “Let’s try this again.”

Eren stood, shaking out his limbs, ready to work again. They worked on and off for another hour before Levi called it quits, much to Eren’s relief. They were both sweaty and tired, but Levi was determined to regain all the strength he once had and Eren was ready to help him no matter what it took.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I feel really bad about the short joke, but I just couldn't not do it. It was too perfect.
> 
>  
> 
> And also... I may have just accidentally written exercise based soft core porn after the actual porn, but I'm really okay with that. *shrugs* oops.


	26. Chapter 26

Levi was unsatisfied. Despite a solid week of work, he still couldn’t manage a full pull up without Eren’s help. Eren was very patient with him, waiting on his every need, but even that was beginning to wear thin on Levi’s nerves. What he wouldn’t give to get up out of the damn chair that had become a prison for him. Some days, too, Eren would go for a walk to the garden, leaving Levi to roll aimlessly around the first floor of the house.

At least, Lily would often climb onto his lap and curl up into a ball for a nap while he looked for something to do. She was beginning to get big, but she was still cute and fluffy, and strangely comforting. He liked to think he could feel the warmth of her little furry body on his thighs as she made herself comfortable, though he wasn’t certain if he actually could or if it was just wishful thinking.

During one of these times, Hanji popped her head out of the lab and called to him. “Heichou, can I talk to you?”

Levi rolled himself into the lab. “What is it?”

Hanji quietly looked out the door of the lab and then closed it behind Levi. “We have to talk about Eren.”

“Eren?” Levi asked, confused. Eren was doing extremely well, he hadn’t had any nightmares recently, and he has stepped up to take care of Levi.

“I think he’s severely depressed. To the point where if he didn’t feel like you needed him, he might…” Hanji bit her lip. “He might have trouble finding meaning in life, to put it delicately.”

“What are you talking about?” Levi narrowed his eyes.

“When you first came home, Eren didn’t smile. That concerned me so I started to watch his behavior. Now, he smiles but they don't reach his eyes. It’s like looking at a carefully constructed mask… Like looking at you… He’s supporting you, but he’s not doing anything else, and I’m worried. It might sound ridiculous, but if you can learn to walk again, what is he going to do with himself? It’s all he’s dedicated to,” Hanji looked down at the floor.

“Are you saying that if I don’t stop trying to get out of this chair, Eren might be a suicide risk?” Levi stared at Hanji like she was insane. How was he supposed to chose between the love of his life and his own sanity?

“Im a manner, yes, but I’m not suggesting you stop trying. I’m suggesting therapy, but I know that he won’t go anywhere without you right now, so I’m asking you to bite the bullet and go to therapy with him. I know you were opposed but can you do it for Eren?”

Levi looked down at Lily in his lap. “Set up an appointment.”

“Thank you, Heichou,” Hanji sighed in relief.

“To be clear, set up an appointment for him, I don’t want to be poked at and prodded any more than I have to,” Levi said sharply.

“Yes, Heichou,” Hanji bowed slightly and Levi glanced over his shoulder as he rolled the chair backwards to the door.

He paused in the doorway, and sighed. “The walkways of this place are too narrow.”

Hanji looked surprised for a moment then she placed a hand on her chin, thinking. “I’m not sure I can fix that.”

“If I am stuck like this, we should look into real estate,” Levi said. 

It was so offhand, like it was a normal thing to say, but to Hanji it was ludicrous. She knew Levi’s attachment to this house, even if he didn’t project it. Forget the strategic placement of it, this house is the one he grew up in, it was passed down from head of the family to the next one, for generations. But more than that, this is the house that had held Levi and Eren’s wedding ceremony. It was in this house that Hanji got to watch Levi laugh until he cried because Eren tickled his sides. It was here that she got to see the severe mask of Heichou soften as Levi watched Eren with gentle eyes. It was these walls that held every memory that Levi had clung to while Eren was missing. It was in the kitchen here that she had seen Eren more than once make Levi’s special tea and it was there that she would catch him making huge vats of soup whenever Levi had a cold. It was in the great room, where Levi had just finished a meeting with the family where Eren had walked in, unashamed at not having been invited, and walked straight up to Levi and gotten down on one knee, asking for his forever. It was in the garden out back that Levi had spent countless hours sitting with a book while Eren weeded and watered his plants before he came and collapsed into Levi’s lap for an exhausted cuddle. These walls had heard every one of the whispered ‘I love you’s Eren and Levi had exchanged over the years, before Eren finally cracked one day and started running up and down the hallways positively SCREAMING it, arguing that everyone already _knew_ why did they have to always whisper, when Levi physically held him in place and stared at him in frustration, until Eren’s pouting lead to Levi to grudgingly saying it loudly. There was so much more, and Hanji couldn’t fathom how Levi could talk about a new place to live so calmly.

“I’ll fix it,” Hanji said quietly.

Levi stopped, looking sideways at her, as he had finally managed to get the chair turned enough to be part way out into the hallway. “How?”

“I don’t know, but I’ll fix it,” Hanji looked up, trying to channel some of Eren’s determinedness.

Levi watched her quietly for a few minutes, until he sighed. “They’re just memories, Hange.”

Hanji’s eyes shot up at Levi’s use of the nickname she had honestly thought he had forgotten. It hadn’t been used since they were children together, before he was her boss, back when he was just a serious little kid that her parents told her to play nice with. Back then, before she realized he was anyone important, she would run wild in the woods behind the house, with him trailing behind her, looking confused at how she could be so downright carefree, as she shouted teasing remarks to him, trying to get him to loosen up and play with her. It wasn't until Hanji had decided to climb a particularly impressive tree and a branch high up gave out under her weight that she realized Levi wasn’t just some impartial child she was stuck with. The lightning speed with which he had reacted, running to catch her when she fell, leading to them both being sprawled out on the ground, Hanji completely unhurt save a few bruises and a bit of an injured ego, but Levi left with a broken arm and he finally truly spoke to her. Telling her not to do anything so stupid again, that he couldn’t always look after her, like she hadn't been the one who thought she was looking after him. And little Levi, looking at Hanji with that serious face, told her that if she promised not to do anything so reckless again, he would protect her with all of himself. And Hanji had promised, with the stipulation that he call her Hange, because that’s what friends called her. He had agreed, and didn’t even let her take the blame for his broken arm, telling his father he had been reckless in the woods and leaving her out of it completely. It wasn't until they were both adults and Levi became the head of the family, as well as around the time his mask went up, with Hanji pledging loyalty like he didn’t already have it from her, that he dropped the nickname, selecting the more professional alternative of ‘Hanji’ instead. At first she had been upset, but all in all, at least he didn't call her Zoe, after all, she could barely stand her parents calling her that. It wasn’t until this very moment that she realized exactly how much she missed hearing the nickname roll off of her oldest friend’s tongue.

“Yes, but they’re important to you… And to me,” Hanji said, biting her bottom lip.

Levi smiled slightly, a look that was rarely given to anyone who wasn’t Eren. “Well, I suppose I can make it work.”

It was just then that Lily stirred, stretching on Levi’s lap before she leapt down and scooted down the hall the wrap around Eren’s ankles as he approached. He smiled down at her as she mewled and bent to pick her up.

“Hey,” he said, walking up behind Levi, lifting his unoccupied hand to wave at Hanji.

“Hey, Eren,” Hanji smiled gently.

“Make the appointment, tell me when,” Levi said, any softness that he had expressed towards Hanji melting away smoothly into ‘boss’ mode.

Hanji sighed. “Yes, Heichou.” What was she going to do with either of her boys?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because I feel like we need a bit of history.


	27. Chapter 27

Eren pushed Levi into the elevator of the sparsely decorated office building. He clicks the button for the seventh floor and leaned against the back wall of the elevator. “Honestly, I’m surprised you wanted to do this.”

Levi bites his lip guiltily, knowing that Eren can’t see his face. “It’s something that needed to be done.”

It’s not like Levi had intended to not tell Eren that this was an appointment for him. It’s not like it was on purpose. It’s just, when Hanji told him the appointment was made, Eren had seemed so proud of Levi for wanting to accept help and so convinced that he himself was totally fine that Levi couldn’t figure out how to explain that’s not what he had meant. Hanji had given him continuous disapproving looks for days, even in the ride to the office, but Levi still couldn’t quite bring himself to correct Eren’s thinking. He silently cursed himself for having become so _soft_ recently, positive it was directly correlated to his confinement to the wheelchair. He was having too much trouble remaining his usual self, like he was becoming a (god forbid) normal person with emotions wreaking havoc all over the place. He had even accidentally slipped back to the time before he was the head of the family when talking to Hanji.

Arriving at the correct floor, Eren pushed Levi up to reception. “Hi! What's your name?” The cheerfully girl behind the desk asked.

“Hi. I’m Eren Jeager and this is Levi Ackerman. We have an appointment,” Eren smiled warmly, but Levi noticed that Hanji had been right, the warmth didn’t reach his eyes.

“Okay, take a seat over there and the doctor will be right with you,” the girl smiled happily after checking her computer.

Levi shifted as much as he could in his wheelchair as Eren settled into a chair in the waiting room next to where he had pushed Levi. “Eren, you know why we are here, right?”

Eren looked over at him. “Yes, and I’m so proud of you.”

“No, we aren’t here for-“ Levi started but was cut off by a voice behind him. He closed his eyes slowly, wishing he’d managed to speak sooner. The jig was up.

“Eren Jeager?” There was a professional looking woman standing in the door way of a room off to the side.

Eren’s eyes dawned with comprehension as his name was the only one called. “Oh,” he said slowly.

Levi looked at his lap, feeling the somewhat alien sensation of shame. Stupid, dumb, useless emotions… He spoke so quietly that he was afraid Eren wouldn’t hear him. “Do you want me to go with you?”

Eren’s eyes looked over him with a steely gaze. “You can if you want to, but we will talk about this later.”

Levi nodded, internally wincing as he recognized what Hanji called Eren’s “boss voice” that only seemed to come out when Eren was at minimum frustrated with Levi. The voice was something new, he had never heard it before he came home from the hospital in all the years he had known Eren and despite Levi’s general commanding demeanor, every time he heard the boss voice he would instinctively shrink down into himself and obey. Before this, he couldn’t remember ever blindly obeying anyone. He briefly wondered if maybe it was another product of the depression Hanji had diagnosed, but he shook that off and rolled his chair after Eren as the younger man had turned on his heel and marched into the room as soon as he had finished his previous sentence.

“I’m Eren, this is my husband, Levi. It’s a pleasure to meet you, even if I was somewhat blindsided,” Eren said, the fake charm dripping from his voice as he shook the therapist’s hand. Levi briefly wondered if the absolute fakeness of that tone was as apparent to the therapist as it was to him.

“My name is Petra Ral, it’s a pleasure to meet you both, Mr. Jeager and Mr. Ackerman,” the doctor shook Eren’s, then Levi’s hand.

“Eren is fine, Dr. Ral,” Eren said, settling into the couch. Levi nodded in agreement. 

“And feel free to call me Petra,” Petra smiled kindly and turned to Levi. “Will you be sitting in on the appointment?”

“As long as it’s fine with Eren, I’d like to be at least in the first one,” Levi said.

“It’s fine, after all, this isn’t quite what I was expecting,” Eren replied, his tone turning slightly dark.

Petra settled into a chair across from Eren as Levi rolled his to be next to the armrest Eren had settled against. The office was nice, not too full so he could navigate his chair easily, but still with a homely feel to it.

“So, what did you mean about being blindsided, Eren?” Petra asked, a curious note in her voice.

Eren glanced at Levi out of the corner of his eye. “I was under the impression we were coming for Heichou,” he said slowly.

Levi openly winced this time. Eren only used his honorific when he was teasing or angry, and that definitely wasn’t a teasing tone. 

Petra slowly looked between the two of them, considering her answer carefully before responding. “Do you not want to be here?”

“I don’t think I need to. I’m handling myself just fine. I thought this was for Levi,” Eren replied.

Petra turned to Levi. “Well, Levi, if you wouldn’t mind, please explain why you brought Eren here, especially without telling him.“

Levi slumped back in his chair. “I didn’t mean not to tell you, I just couldn’t figure out how. And Hanji brought up the idea, she expressed concerns to me.”

Eren eyed Levi quietly for a few moments before turning away from him. “Of course, Heichou.”

Levi slumped further into the chair. “Stop calling me that. I’m not your boss.”

Eren didn't respond and Petra looked between them. “Well, Eren, I can’t help you if you don’t want to be here, but I would like to suggest since we already have this appointment, why don’t we listen to these concerns and then see where we will go from there?”

Eren nodded after a moment and Petra turned back to Levi. “Would you mind explaining further, Levi?”

“Hanji expressed concerns that you have not been yourself since… my accident,” Levi spoke hesitantly. He wished Hanji was here to explain this herself, he was just so bad at this kind of thing. Especially because the nature of the whole thing was so delicate, it’s not like he could tell Petra the details of what happened or why. He found himself wondering why they had even bothered with this.

“I’m fine, Levi,” Eren said slowly.

“Smile for me,” Levi said softly.

Eren hesitated and then smiled at Levi. “Hanji said looking at you smiling was like looking at me, and she’s not wrong. Why do you have a mask up?”

Eren looked down. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Hanji also suggested that you have no goals except see me out of this chair, and should that day come, what will happen to you, Eren?” Levi’s eyes softened as he looked at his younger husband. “Eren, I’ve already lost you once, I can’t survive it again.”

Eren didn’t look up or say anything. Petra cleared her throat softly. “I sense there is quite a bit of history here that I’m not up to date on.”

Levi looked up at Petra. “I am a high level businessman. Eren was kidnapped almost a year ago now, locked away where I couldn’t get to him and tortured for months before I could save him, all so the culprits could attempt to get to me. In the after math of this, Eren lost his memories of everything before his experience there, including who I was to him. Also, I recently had an accident that left me in this chair, and I believe that Eren feels responsible, even though I keep telling him it’s not his fault.”

Petra blinked for a few moments as she processed that information whopper that Levi had laid out so matter of factly. “I will be completely honest, I think that there is a lot here that you both need to work on. I would like to help you. Both of you, but I recommend separate appointments for now at least, and along the lines of twice a week each. Does this sound plausible to either of you?”

Levi’s face hardened. “We’re not here for me.”

Eren’s eye’s shot to look at Levi out of the corner of his eye. After a moment he muttered into his lap, “I’ll do it if he does.”

Levi made a frustrated sound, before his shoulders slumped in defeat. “As you wish.”

Eren’s head shot up, clearly not having expected that answer, let alone so quickly. “Oh.”

Levi leveled his eyes on Eren’s. “I will do anything for you, Eren.”

A visible shudder slid through Eren’s body before he leaned forward and lifted Levi right out of his chair, pulling him onto his lap and burying his face into Levi’s shoulder, his body shaking ever so slightly. Levi almost eeped in surprise when he was scooped into Eren’s lap, just managing to stifle it (eep was never a sound he would have even almost made before, really what’s wrong with his brain?). He gently wrapped his arms around Eren, recognizing the signs of his attempting not to cry without looking at his face. He clutched to the other tightly, trying to offer support and confidence for the younger man.

“Levi,” Eren whimpered.

“Shhh,” Levi whispered, rubbing his back.

“I love you,” Eren hiccuped out.

The soft admission caught Levi off guard for a moment before he tightened his arms more around Eren and kissed the side of his head. “We’ll work this out.”

Eren didn’t lift his head when he spoke again. “I want to go home.”

Levi nodded. “Okay.”

Petra spoke calmly, reminding the couple that they were not, in fact, alone. “What just happened here is something I’d like to talk about with you, but I don’t mind waiting for another session. Is it alright if I set up a few appointments for both of you in the future?”

Levi and Eren nodded in unison, though Eren’s was barely visible hidden away in Levi’s shoulder.

“Alright. I can schedule you in consecutive appointments if that helps.”

“Yes, that would be good,” Levi replied, carefully giving Eren’s head another kiss before he managed to lift himself onto the armrest, before sliding himself back into the chair, thankful that he didn’t miss, aware that his arms still weren’t where he wanted them.

Eren didn’t speak again until they go back to the house, despite Hanji cheerfully trying to get him to give her details. She eventually fell silent, looking at Levi with concern in the rearview as he shook his head in a clear ‘not now’.

Once in the house, Eren ignored the wheelchair, just carried Levi straight up to their room and deposited him on the bed.

“Eren,” Levi said quietly.

“Tell me you love me,” Eren said, cutting off whatever thought Levi had and not sitting down.

“I love you, Eren,” Levi replied without hesitation.

“Call me love instead of Eren, like a pet name,” Eren continued, standing next to the bed.

“As you wish, love,” Levi scooted himself up the bed so he was leaning against the head board, beginning to become more concerned. ‘As you wish’ was something silly that Eren used to say to him because he had watched that movie The Princess Bride a few too many times. Levi realized that he had used it twice today without even thinking about it, despite the fact that Eren no longer remembered what it meant. He also recalled Eren having the dream of Levi using pet names to address him, something he had rarely done in the past, but it did happen occasionally when his mask had slipped a little more than he intended. He was concerned about the way Eren was asking for things right now, but if this is what Eren wanted, what would make him calm down at this moment, Levi would oblige, especially in the confines of their bedroom.

“Call me your baby,” Eren said.

Levi blinked for a second. That was a new one. Levi had never been too fond of the ‘baby’ pet name. “Yes, baby,” he replied instead of pointing out he had never called Eren baby before.

“Tell me you will do anything for me.”

“As I said in the office, I will do anything for you, love,” Levi mentally patted himself on the back, having combined two of Eren’s requests in one sentence, while simultaneously feeling a bit bewildered at having been proud of himself for such a thing.

This seemed to make Eren melt a little bit. He crawled onto the bed, wrapping his arms around Levi’s waist and hiding his face into Levi’s neck. “Get better.”

Levi felt himself go a little tense at this, knowing he couldn’t guarantee that. “I will try. I am trying.”

He could feel Eren nodding and Levi gently kissed the top of Eren’s head. “Anything else?”

“Don’t leave me,” Eren whispered, barely audible.

“Never,” Levi said without the slightest hesitation.

“Okay,” Eren whispered again. “You can go back to being you now. You sound weird saying that other stuff.”

Levi almost laughed. All of these uncharacteristic things that rolled out of his mouth, all to please his husband and after it all his response was ‘you sound weird’. He couldn’t help feeling like he had just been tested, and Levi hoped he had passed, though it definitely seemed like he had right now.

“As you wish,” Levi whispered back. Damn it, there was that line again, completely unintentional.

“That’s from a movie, isn’t it?” Eren said after a moment.

“Yes,” Levi replied.

“I don’t remember what, but it means something.”

“Yes.”

“Tell me.”

“No.”

“I’ll ask Hanji.”

“I know.”

Eren snorted in frustration and then bit Levi’s neck, causing him to gasp.

“Eren!” He said once he got his breathing under control.

“I’m taking a nap now,” Eren said, as if he hadn’t bitten Levi with just enough pressure to make his blood flow south.

If Levi was completely honest, he knew he could hear the smirk on Eren’s voice, fully knowing what he had done. Levi sighed and rolled his eyes. “Good night, brat.” Ah, finally something out of his mouth today that didn’t sound like someone else talking.

Eren snorted again, but this one was in amusement. “Night, boss.”


	28. Chapter 28

“Eren, let go,” Levi said.

“Are you sure?” Eren looked concerned.

“Yes,” Levi grunted slightly as Eren let go of him, leaving him to hold all of his weight on his own. He slowly pulled himself up and then lowered himself down, and then again. Eren’s hands remained where they could catch him if needed, but not touching him. After a few sets of pull ups on his own, Levi looked down to tell Eren to get him down, but he paused looking at Eren’s face. The younger man’s eyes glittered like he was about to cry and he had the softest smile on his face, pride radiating from his features. 

Levi felt a small blush rising so he spoke quickly. “Down.”

Eren immediately wrapped his hands around him and Levi let go of the bar, but was surprised when Eren didn’t place him in the waiting chair. He brought Levi to his chest and  whispered, “wrap your arms around me.”

Levi did immediately, his arms settling around Eren’s neck. Eren’s arms slid forward and wrapped around Levi, holding him close in a tight hug. Levi’s arms adjusted as if if auto pilot, sliding down once Eren was supporting him again to wrap around Eren’s waist instead. Levi felt a tightness in his chest at Eren’s embrace. It’s not like Eren hadn’t hugged him before this, but it hadn’t been like this. Usually, Levi was lying down and Eren scooted onto the bed with him and held him. Like this, it was as if he wasn’t paralyzed, Eren having adjusted them so he was at the height he had been when he could stand. If he looked down, Levi was willing to bet that he would see his feet were touching the floor. Eren held him tightly, the angle awkward for him to be holding Levi up, but Levi helped anchor himself as best could.

After a few minutes, one of Eren’s arms slid down and scooped Levi’s legs up and Eren moved to sit on the floor, placing Levis legs over his once they were settled. “I’m so proud of you,” he whispered.

Levi rested his head on Eren’s shoulder. “Well, it’s a step, anyway.”

Eren nuzzled his cheek against Levi’s head. “Do you want to stop for today, or do you want to stretch, or maybe try something new?”

“We have appointments soon,” Levi reminded Eren.

Eren bit his lip. “How much am I allowed to tell Petra?”

“Whatever you want,” Levi replied.

“Well, when we were there, you told her you were a business man,” Eren leaned back and looked at Levi skeptically.

“I am,” Levi replied.

“Uh huh,” Eren said.

Levi raised an eyebrow. “Eren what exactly do you think I do regularly?”

Eren bit his lip uncomfortably. “Illegal stuff?”

Levi snorted. “Well, at times. But I own several bars and clubs, as well as companies that act as distributors to restaurants.”

Eren looked surprised. “Really?”

“Yes. What, did you think, we just stole money and killed people? Or what, trafficked drugs and ran prostitution rings?” Levi asked.

“Well…. maybe a little?” Eren looked sheepish.

Levi literally face palmed. “I suppose this is a compliment in disguise.”

“What?” Eren asked.

“If you were willing to stay here while thinking that’s all I did with my free time, you must really love me,” Levi sighed.

Eren’s head shot up as laugher came from the doorway. Both Eren and Levi looked over to see Hanji standing there. “I came to tell you two that you have an hour before we have to leave, but this is a gem of a conversation.”

Eren blushed slightly and Levi rolled his eyes.

“For the record, Eren, Heichou abolished this family’s drug and prostitution rings. Once he became the head of the family, he closed them down and instead opened several clubs, including host clubs where the girls he released can work. It’s a much safer environment for them. I actually think we do more legal things than illegal ones since Levi became the boss,” Hanji said.

“Shut it, Hanji,” Levi muttered.

“You should be proud of it, Heichou,” Hanji replied. “Anyway, an hour until your appointments.” With that, she turned away, heading back to her lab.

“That is pretty awesome,” Eren points out.

“It’s nothing special. Everyone knew I wasn’t a fan of those things,” Levi shrugged.

Eren smiled. “I think it’s amazing.”

Levi stared at Eren for a few moments before changing the subject to the prior one. “Tell Petra what you want to. I gave her a vague synopsis, but if you want to tell her more, that’s fine.”

“Okay,” Eren said.

Levi calmly looked at the wall across from them. “After all, if anyone comes after us, I’ll know who to kill because that’s all I do apparently.”

Eren’s mouth hung open. “I know at least half of that sentence was you teasing me, but I really can’t tell about the rest…”

Levi turned to Eren and rolled his eyes. “Seriously?”

Eren giggled. “Sorry, it was funny.”

 Levi gently pushed Eren’s shoulder. “Get me to the shower, we don't have a ton of time.”

 

_``~`**`~``_

 

Petra handed Eren a cup of coffee.

“Thank you,” Eren smiled as Petra settled into the chair across from him.

“I’m glad you decided to come back,” Petra returned the smile.

“I honestly thought I was doing alright, but if even Levi is worried that much about me, I must not be as stellar as I thought,” Eren shrugged.

Petra nodded. “You two are very close.”

Eren hesitated. “We were. Are, I suppose. It’s strange, not remembering before. I was told a few details, but mostly all I have is the time we’ve spent together since he rescued me. It is strange to be told you are married to someone who you have no prior memories of.”

Petra nodded sympathetically. “I’m sure that’s hard. How did you cope?”

“Well, not at all at first. Levi doesn’t know this, but it was Hanji who told me because I guessed after enough context. I just pretended I wasn’t told for a while, but Levi was so patient with me, understanding and comforting, doing all he could to make me comfortable, I could understand why the me of before fell in love with him in the first place,” Eren smiled slightly.

“Is recovering your memories something you are interested in pursuing?” Petra asked.

Eren bit his lip. “At first that’s all I wanted. But now… Well, I don’t think it’s all that important. Levi and I are making it work.”

“Okay. Well, if you decide it’s something you want, I can recommend a hypnotherapist that might be able to help you, just something to keep in mind. Now, Eren, Levi mentioned you might feel responsible for his accident. Why is that?”

Eren sighed. “He was shot, that’s why he’s stuck like that. And if he hadn’t been trying to protect me at the time, he wouldn’t have gotten shot. From what I was told about the past, I pushed to be in his life, I’m the one who proposed, I’m the one who insisted on being at the meeting that night. If it weren’t for me, he wouldn’t have suffered nearly as much as he has.”

“Relationships take two, Eren. Even though some particularly bad things have happened to you, if Levi didn’t want you in his life, he definitely could have said,” Petra pointed out. “Though I do have some concerns about his business, if it lead to you being kidnapped and him being shot.”

Eren pursed his lips. “Apparently that’s a risk of marrying Yakuza. I assume I was aware before.”

Petra’s eyebrows shot up. “Yakuza?”

“Ah, yeah,” Eren rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. “Levi is Yakuza. Don't tell anyone.”

“You are protected by doctor-patient confidentiality,” Petra confirmed.

“Thank you,” Eren smiled.

“It’s my job,” Petra smiled back. “I wanted to talk about what happened in your last session. Is that alright?”

Eren nodded.

“It’s clear Levi is dedicated to supporting you, but the feeling I’m getting from both of you is akin to codependency. I would like to work with you to find some other things you can connect with,” Petra said.

Eren looked down. “You’re right. Everything in my life is all about Levi.”

Petra nodded. “Eren, this might be a painful topic, but was would you have done if Levi hadn’t survived his accident?”

Eren bit his lip. “I would have died. I was originally waiting for him to come home and kill me for getting him hurt, but if he hadn’t come home I would have just done it myself.”

“Why did you think he would kill you?” Petra asked.

“Well, looking back it was silly of me. I felt so responsible and like I needed to be punished for what I had caused. Yet, when Levi came home he was upset that had been letting myself waste away and told me my punishment was to take care of myself so I could look after him. I know how hard it is for him in that chair… He’s never been the type of person to depend on other people but now he has to have Hanji or myself do basically everything for him…”

“Is suicide something you think about often?” Petra asked carefully.

Eren visibly tensed. “Yes, but not until Levi doesn’t need me anymore.”

Petra’s eyes filled with sadness. “Eren, do you think that Levi walking means he no longer needs you?”

Eren slowly nodded.

“Can I tell you what I observed last session?”

Eren nodded again.

“I saw a man who filled my office with his presence, who spoke to me in matter of fact tones, never betraying the smallest hints of emotion towards me completely melt when you held onto him. I’ve never seen someone change so quickly, and I don’t think such a thing would change if he can recover,” Petra said gently.

Eren closed his eyes. “Levi… He doesn’t need someone like me. He is larger than life, and I’m a nobody. I’m sure that he would know that if I removed myself from the situation.”

“Perhaps when you feel up to it, you should ask him that,” Petra nudged.

Eren just nodded. 

“I know you can’t remember before, but I’d like you to ask some friends about past hobbies and try a few things that feel fun to you, and spend some time alone doing them. Does that sound possible?” Petra asked.

“I’ll try,” Eren said.

“Good. Our time is up, but I’d like you to tell me if you found anything  during next session,” Petra smiled warmly as she stood with Eren and followed him to the door.

When Eren walked out into the waiting room, Levi began to roll his chair towards the door. After Levi had decided where to position his chair, Petra settled back into hers.

“I’m only here for Eren,” Levi crossed his arms and stared at Petra hard. He was mildly impressed when she didn’t shrink back.

“That’s fine. It was his stipulation, after all. But now we have 45 minutes so maybe we could talk instead of just stare at each other?” Petra smiled.

“Don’t shrink me,”Levi stated.

“Absolutely not,” Petra nodded seriously.

“Fine,” Levi relented and uncrossed his arms.

“I wanted to ask you what it’s like having a spouse who doesn’t remember you prior to a certain point,” Petra said, settling more comfortably in her chair.

“Difficult,” Levi replied.

“Can you elaborate?” Petra raised her eyebrows.

“No,” Levi replied.

Petra sighed. “Really, if you don’t want to be here this badly, tell Eren. It’s a bit silly for us to do this for 45 minutes twice a week.”

“He’d be angry,” Levi muttered.

“What’s angry Eren like?” Petra pushed gently.

“Frightening,” Levi replied. “New.”

“How so?”

“He’s never gotten angry like this before I was injured. Now he gets this tone that worries me, Hanji calls it his boss voice…” Levi’s mouth snapped shut and he glared at Petra. “I told you not to shrink me.”

Petra sighed. “Alright, but considering we are stuck together twice a week, I want you to think about why Eren’s condition was you have your own therapy, too. Maybe there was more of a reason than you initially thought.”

Levi nodded after a second. They spent the rest of the 45 minutes in silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone smack Levi and his stubborn butt for me? As the writer, I think I have injured him enough, but someone else can smack him for me....


	29. Chapter 29

Eren held Levi’s legs in a curled position as the older man did crunches. He couldn’t manage a full sit up, that requiring some of his leg muscles, so he had to settle for crunches. The crunches, at least were restoring his once incredibly impressive abs. Levi was mildly frustrated at how tired he felt, the two of them having only been in the dojo for about two hours today.

“Eren,” Levi spoke through slight pants as he lay back on the floor. “You’re gripping me too tightly.”

Eren’s eyes widened at Levi’s words. “What?”

It slowly dawned on Levi what he had just said. “You’re… gripping my legs too tightly…”

“Holy shit??” Eren yelled the statement like a question, his voice shaking as he only tightened his grip further.

“Hurts…” Levi whispered as he felt tears rising into his eyes.

Eren immediately let go and crawled over Levi on the floor, staring into his eyes. “You could feel it…” Eren was shaking.

The door to the dojo clattered open and Hanji stood in the door way, her hand holding her gun as she looked around the room. “Why are you yelling?” She asked, once she determined there was no threat, holstering her gun.

Eren turned to look at her in surprise. “Why are you so on edge?”

Hanji shook her head and looked over them, noticing Levi’s arm was lifted, covering his eyes and Eren looked near tears. “What’s going on?”

Eren bit his lip, the tears held behind his eyes finally flowing. “Levi…” He began, but his voice shorted out, the sheer emotion overwhelming him.

Hanji walked forward and knelt next to them. “What’s wrong?”

Levi shook his head. “I could feel Eren touching me.”

Hanji stared for a few seconds, confused, before comprehension lit up her face. “Touching you… as in touching your legs?”

Levi nodded, his arm still glued to his face, as if he was hiding. Eren’s head dropped down to Levi’s shoulder and he sobbed softly. 

“Do it again,” Levi whispered.

Eren didn’t move his face from where it had fell, but reached down and ran his fingers over Levi’s thigh. Levi let out a growl of frustration when he couldn’t feel it. As if understanding, Eren wrapped his hand around Levi’s thigh and squeezed hard. Levi grunted in pain as the almost forgotten feeling of a hand gripping his leg shot through his nerves. It hurt, he couldn’t feel it unless Eren was squeezing him tight enough to bruise, but the fact that he could feel anything was worth the pain.

Hanji’s eyes glittered as she watched, Eren just crying harder as he continued to squeeze Levi’s leg, adjusting his grip from time to time, trying new spots and hiccuping out a laugh every time Levi responded. Levi hadn’t moved his arm, but Eren could hear the smallest of sniffles coming from the older man, as he hid his tears from them. Eren finally sat up, wiping his face and releasing Levi.

“I can’t believe you feel it,” Eren smiled softly.

“AH!” Hanji exclaimed and pointed at Eren’s face. The suddenness of it caused both men to look at her in confusion.

“What’s wrong with you?” Levi asked, having finally pulled his arm from his face.

“That was a real one,” Hanji giggled. “This is a great day.”

Levi turned his head to look at the utter confusion written all over Eren’s face and then back at Hanji who was flopping into a more comfortable position on the floor, still giggling. He couldn’t help it. He laughed. It was a low and mostly just a huff of breath than a real laugh, but Eren’s eyes widened as he looked at Levi, immediately recognizing the sound, and leaned forward pressing kisses all over Levi’s face.

“You. Sound. Beautiful. When. You. Laugh,” Eren punctuated each word with a kiss on his cheeks, nose, forehead, chin and finally his lips. Levi felt a light blush rising at the attention Eren was lavishing on him.

Hanji’s grin just widened at the display. “Hey, Eren. Did you know that Levi is ticklish?”

Eren’s eyebrows shot up. “I think I might have known that before…”

“Yeah, you did. And I mean really ticklish,” her grin turned evil. 

“Don’t you dare,” Levi glared at Eren and Hanji.

“Aren’t you the one who keeps saying you’re not my boss?” Eren stuck out his tongue and looked almost as evil as Hanji did.

Levi propped himself up on his hands before he carefully swung the arm facing away from Eren, bracing every muscle he had access to as he finished, Hanji instinctively holding his hips as he settled when she noticed that Eren wasn’t in a position to do so. Levi ended leaning on his hands and knees, which was a strange sensation when he couldn’t feel the part that was kneeling, but he was braced inches from Eren’s face, the younger man staring him in shock as Hanji carefully steadied him from behind.

“Don’t underestimate me,” Levi said, staring right into Eren’s eyes.

“Levi, you're actually using your legs right now,” Eren breathed.

“In a manner, but it really was mostly inertia and now Hanji is holding me still,” Levi shrugged.

“This is still a ton of progress,” Eren said, looking like he was going to start crying again.

“I’m more exhausted than anyone who is simply kneeling should be, though,” Levi sounded exasperated.

“Well, why don’t we take a nap?” Eren smiled.

“Fine,” Levi nodded in agreement, too tired to argue.

Eren shifted, carefully rearranging Levi so he could carry him. Once standing, Hanji stood where Levi couldn’t see her and held up her phone.

 

_I need to talk to you alone._

 

Eren nodded ever so slightly and walked away, carrying Levi upstairs. Depositing him on the bed, he leaned in and pressed a kiss to Levi’s lips.

“I forgot, I wanted to ask Hanji for some help with my homework assignment from Petra. I’ll be back in a little to join you,” Eren said with a smile and turned away when Levi nodded.

Heading back down to the lab, Eren approached Hanji.

“Ordinarily, I would be telling Heichou this, but with the way he is, I’m somewhat certain that he will either do something incredibly rash and stupid or become a rage and possibly panic monster. Or maybe both,” Hanji said, not even turning around from the papers she was standing in front of.

“What’s going on?” Eren asked.

“The MP aren’t dissolved. We cut off the head of the snake, sure, but we didn’t account for the fact that between Levi’s little house of torture and the few at the meeting, we left the majority of the strongest members of the MP alive. And they want revenge,” Hanji turned around, offering Eren the report that detailed what she had explained.

“And with Levi in the chair he will lose his mind thinking he can’t protect me,” Eren said, his eyes scanning over the paper.

Hanji nodded. “That’s what I was thinking, too. Either that or he will try to and I honestly can’t see that working out to well. So, I have a request,” Hanji chewed on her bottom lip. “Lead us.”

Eren’s eyes shot up, something unrecognizable flickering behind them. “You’re asking me to take control of the family, out from under Levi without telling him why?”

Hanji’s eyes shot to the floor. “I’m not saying permanently. Just for this… Because he delegated power to me for now, but I don’t have the presence he does. You do when you want to, maybe more.”

Eren’s eyebrows shot up. “If anything goes wrong, he will never forgive us,” Eren said softly.

“If anything goes wrong, there might not be an us left to forgive,” Hanji corrected. “This is big, and it is dangerous, but really, I can’t bring myself to bring it to Heichou. He’s hard enough on himself right now as it is, even if he thinks we don’t notice. Please, Eren.”

Eren slowly nodded. “We’ll tell him when it’s all over. I’m not taking any other responsibilities after this job, though. It’s Levi’s family, not mine.”

Hanji nodded, agreeing. “I know.”

Eren sighed. “Hanji, can you get me few things from the store?”

Hanji raised her eyebrows. “Sure?”

Eren handed her a list. “I apparently have to do something that isn’t centered around Levi,” he explained as she looked over the list. “And this is what I told him I was going to do when I came down, so now you get to do the shopping for me.”

Hanji smiled slightly and bowed. “Yes, Sir.”

Eren rolled his eyes. “Don’t do that.”

“Well, I should for professional reasons if anyone else is watching,” Hanji grinned.

“Well, leave it for then. If Levi sees you he might get suspicious,” Eren pointed out.

“He will,” Hanji confirmed. “I’ll leave this stuff here in the lab when I come back, because if it’s supposed to be a Levi-less activity, you should do it where he doesn’t go very much. My isles are too narrow, apparently.”

Hanji waved slightly as she sauntered out of the room. Eren rolled his eyes again, wondering what exactly he had just signed himself up for before ehe headed back upstairs to nap with his husband.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter was a bit weak at best, but I got across the points I wanted to... But I might have to take a few days between the next few chapters, life is getting a little busy for me over here.
> 
> I also would like to hear things that you, my lovely angst loving readers, would like to see happen. This fic is far from done, and I do have quite a few ideas but I think it would be fun to maybe incorporate some ideas from you guys. Sort of like a way for me to show my appreciation to you all for your fabulous, ego boosting comments, so drop me suggestions in the comments and I'll do my best to work them in at some point.


	30. Chapter 30

“So, did you manage to dedicate any time to yourself this week?” Petra asked after she settled into her chair.

“Kind of. I’ve been spending time with Hanji in her lab, and she has given me some responsibilities,” Eren’s eyes darkened slightly in the second half of his sentence.

“What kind of responsibilities?” Petra tilted her head to the side, not having missed that subtle change.

“Family business,” Eren said, his tone of voice clearly saying that Petra shouldn’t ask further.

Now, Petra was a smart woman. She knew when she was looking in the face of a Yakuza, she shouldn’t recklessly push, part of the reason she had been so willing to sit in silence with Levi. But, she was also a therapist, and she liked to believe she was a good one.

“Do you think your family business will impact your mental health?” Petra chose her words carefully.

Eren looked surprised. “To be honest, I never even thought about it. I don’t think I can afford to think about it.”

“Why’s that?” Petra pushed.

Eren sighed. “Hanji asked me to handle it because she was afraid of what Levi would do if he found out, but it has to do with the people who left him in that chair.”

Petra sat thoughtfully for a few moments before she spoke again. “So you’re saying that you have to do family business to protect Levi from the people who hurt him?”

Eren nodded. “That and I know if we tell him it will drive him up a wall, knowing they are still operating and he will feel inadequate because he thinks he needs to protect me.”

“You aren’t doing it to get revenge for Levi?” Petra pushed.

Eren’s eyes darkened considerably. “They deserve what they get. The same people who did that to Levi are the ones who tortured me. I’m the one who told Levi that hurting people wasn’t the way to go about things, and look where that landed him.”

Petra opened her mouth, but nothing came out. The look in Eren’s eyes could only be described as dangerous, and it was almost daring Petra to object. Everything in her brain was screaming for her to not say a word. She struggled before her shoulders relaxed slightly, finally settling on changing the subject.

“Tell me about Hanji, both of you mentioned her,” Petra had never felt this weak before.

“She is Levi’s number two, his closest friend and very protective of him. She’s also very cheerful and comforting to be around. She has been very good at handling my anxiety,” Eren said, willing to follow the conversation away from family business.

“She sounds like a good support, but does she worry about you, too, or only him?” Petra asked.

“Well, Hanji’s main focus is Levi, but I’m under that umbrella because I’m Levi’s most important person, so Hanji protects me in order to protect Levi,” Eren smiled slightly.

“Well, that’s fine but if her priority isn’t you, make sure that you don’t get pushed into things that make you uncomfortable,” Petra said gently.

“I’m fine, Hanji wouldn't make me do anything, most of the time she follows me lead, anyway,” Eren smiled. “If I didn’t know better, I’d say she was priming me to take over the family completely.”

“Are you sure she’s not?” Petra asked.

Eren looked thoughtful. “Well, I’ve thought about it. I mean, she could be, after all if she thinks that it would help Levi, she might do it, but she already knows where I stand on that.”

“And where is that?”

“It’s Levi’s family, I’m just standing in until his legs are back under him. Oh! He felt something the other day when I squeezed his legs! I was so happy,” Eren’s eyes lit up when he spoke about Levi and Petra was having a little bit of trouble connecting Eren’s face now as the same person who had been sitting here moments ago.

A soft beep went off on Petra’s desk and she glanced over at it before standing. “It seems that we are out of time, but Eren, be careful, okay?”

Eren nodded and stood with her, heading out the door. “You got it.”

Petra caught up to him and touched his shoulder gently. “May I have permission to tell Levi you spoke about his legs?”

Eren’s eyes lit up as he opened the door. “Of course.” His fingers trailed over Levi’s shoulder as the older man rolled the chair into the office and settled into the same spot he had last week.

Once Petra was sitting again, she smiled. “I hear you have regained some feeling in your legs.”

“Slightly. Eren had to grip me so tightly I bruised,” Levi said off handedly, but there was a bit of warmth in his eyes.

“Eren was very happy for you,” Petra replied.

The warmth in Levi’s eyes grew, sharply contrasting with his words. “He’s making a big deal of it.”

Petra sighed softly. The look that had been on Eren’s face she would fully expect to be on the man sitting in front of her now. He seemed to be so much more cold and calculating than Eren, but here he was, looking kind and fond of his husband while Eren had been a storm cloud.

“Levi,” Petra looked down. “I would like to make a recommendation to you.”

Levi raised an eyebrow. “You’re not going to try and shrink me again, are you?”

Petra shook her head. “No, I’m going against my better judgement and I am going to tell you that I’m concerned about Eren. I can’t tell you why, it would break my oath as his doctor, but I recommend you keep an eye on him.”

Levi slowly nodded. “Understood.”

 

_``~`**`~``_

 

Eren carried Levi upstairs, depositing him on the bed. As he turned away, Levi called out to him. “Stay here for a bit?”

Eren hesitated, but then plopped down onto the bed with Levi. “Okay.” 

He settled comfortably next to Levi and pulled out his phone, typing on it briefly before turning to smile at Levi. Levi let his body fall to the side, leaning against Eren. To him, it felt oddly nostalgic, the two of them sitting on the bed together, usually after Levi had come home from a long day, and they just sat quietly, enjoying each other’s presence. He sighed softly to himself, realizing that it was only nostalgic to him. Eren wouldn’t realize they had been in this position hundreds of times before.

Even so, he couldn’t stop his mouth. “I missed this.”

Eren glanced over, surprised. “What?”

“This,” Levi made a vague motion with his hand, but didn’t elaborate.

Eren seemed to understand that Levi was talking about something his mind didn’t have a record of. “At your service, Boss,” he teased gently.

Levi gave him an exasperated look, and Eren grinned before turning back to his phone. Despite the fact that Hanji had said Eren had smiled for real when Levi had felt Eren touching him, it seemed that had been a one time thing. The smiles still weren’t reaching his eyes. If anything, his eyes seemed to have darkened considerably in the last few days. Levi wondered if it had something to do with what Petra had warned Levi to keep an eye on Eren for.

He glanced down, his eyes finding the screen of Eren’s phone. The text message app was up on the screen and Levi noted that Eren was texting Hanji. He knew he shouldn’t be nosy, but something compelled him to read over Eren’s shoulder.

 

E/ _He asked me to stay, what do you want me to say?_

 

_H/ I don’t know Eren, but there isn’t a ton of time._

 

_E/ You’re the one who wanted to keep it a secret._

 

_H/ You agreed._

 

_E/ How much time do I have?_

 

_H/ 15 minutes tops._

 

_E/ What am I supposed to do? Knock him out?_

_He looks way to comfortable to let me go._

 

_H/ I don't know, say you’re working on your_

_hw from Petra._

 

_E/ Hanji, I think you’re going to owe me so much_

_after all this is said and done. You’re having me_

_keep secrets from my husband, you're having_

_me all but steal the family out from under him,_

_and now you’re having me lie… Again?_

 

_H/ Don’t throw this on me, Jaeger. We both know_

_he wouldn’t be able to handle it._

 

_E/ I preferred you obedient._

 

_H/ You sound like him already. Now get down here._

 

_E/ Give me 5._

 

Levi’s brows furrowed so deeply he barely managed to school his features back to his blank expression before Eren turned to him. His mind raced from the bomb that Eren just accidentally dropped as he looked up at the younger man. He noted that the darkness in Eren’s eyes had expanded so much that it was almost like he was looking at a different person.

“I think I’m going to do the things that Petra told me to do, okay?” Eren smiled, but the look in his eyes was so clouded that Levi almost felt afraid.

He barely managed a nod before Eren stood and walked out of the room. Levi’s mind was in turmoil. Eren was taking the family out from under him? At Hanji’s encouragement? ‘We both know he wouldn't be able to handle it.’ The sentence echoed in Levi’s head, louder than even the knowledge that he was facing a potential mutiny, lead my his most trusted subordinate and his husband. Because maybe they were betraying him, after insisting that it was his family and no one could take his place, but they were doing it because they knew he couldn’t handle whatever it was with him bound to a wheelchair. Never before had Levi felt so useless as he did in this moment. But that feeling didn’t last very long. It was replaced with anger and determination. He would fight until he could stand up and smack Eren across that pretty face of his and until he could throw Hanji like he used to before firing her for thinking they could get away with this. Until then, he would pretend he didn’t know anything. Satisfied, he settled back and closed his eyes.


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I don't know how I forgot to put this in here, but apparently I didn't post it??? And it's important so... adding chapter 31 to where it's supposed to be. At least I finally noticed that my word counts were off...

Eren sat in the back seat of the car, his fingers quietly running over the handle of the gun he had tucked away in a holster under his jacket. The storm of his emotions all but crackling in the air. Hanji kept glancing at him in the mirror, but wisely kept her mouth shut. She pulled up to an unassuming looking building and turned off the engine.

“Are you ready for this?” Hanji asked, turning in her seat.

“Oh, more than ready,” Eren spoke darkly.

Hanji almost cringed. Almost. This Eren was the one she had hoped would be the one to lead them through this, but she couldn’t say she was happy to see this Eren on the surface. If she was being honest with herself, this Eren was somewhat frightening.

“Mikasa is on the building across from us, in case anyone but us comes out,” Hanji said, trying to bury the feelings of regret in professionalism. She stepped out of the car and opened the door for Eren. He stepped out of the car, carefully unbuttoning the suit jacket that she had prepared for him, insisting that no matter what they were doing, they had to be well dressed. That was the trade mark of Levi’s family, no matter where they went, they looked every inch the professionals they were.

They walked into the building, the receptionist looking up at them pleasantly. Eren glanced at her, Hanji approaching the desk. “Hi there, I was wondering if you could tell me if the party for suite 1003 have arrived yet?”

 The girl glanced at the computer in front of her and she nodded. “Yes, Ma’am, you are the last arrival, would you like me to call up and tell them you are coming up?”

“Oh, no, it’s fine. We’ll just head up,” Hanji turned to Eren and tensed, watching him eye the girl. She took his elbow and guided him to the bank of elevators, whispering to him. “She’s innocent and just doing her job. Leave her be.”

Eren relaxed slightly, his hand sliding out from under his jacket, as the elevator doors opened. “She could give us away,” he muttered back.

“We don't hurt innocents,” Hanji insisted, guiding Eren into the elevator. As the doors closed, she decided to amend her previous thought. This Eren was more than just somewhat frightening. He was downright terrifying.

As they exited the elevator, Eren’s steely gaze hardened further and they approached the door marked 1003. They could hear muted voices from within, letting them know that whatever meeting was meant to be taking place behind the door was already commencing.

“Ready?” Hanji breathed out.

Eren nodded. Hanji knocked on the door and waited. When it swung open, a tall man stood in the doorway. Eren immediately grabbed his arm and swung him around, pinning him in front of him, pressing the cold metal of his gun to the man’s temple. The man was stiff, and allowed himself to be guided back into the room.

“And to what do we owe this pleasure, Maniac Scientist?” A cold voice called from the room. Eren identified the source as a man who was sitting with several body guards stepping around him.

Hanji stepped forward. “We received word that the MP hadn’t disbanded and would like to voice our displeasure.”

“Oh? We just get the messengers? Where is your esteemed leader? Taking this one sitting down?” The man spoke with amusement, knowing exactly what he was saying, the words meant to rile up Hanji and Eren. Hanji felt all of her muscles stiffen but contained any outward response, but unfortunately, Eren wasn’t as successful in his control. He swung his gun outward and fired off two shots before positioning the barrel back at his hostage’s temple. Two of the guards standing next to the man who had been speaking fell to the floor, dead before they hit the ground. Hanji wanted to reach out and still Eren, knowing the man was vibrating with rage, but she couldn’t make the move without making him seem weak. So she fixed her eyes on the sitting man and strolled forward, stepping over the bodies and ran her fingers over his shoulders as she circled him.

“I see you know what your people did to Heichou. Take a long minute and look at the gentleman holding your man. Do you recognize him? Eren Jaeger, the young husband of Levi Ackerman and at one time your victim. Do you really think taunting him is a good idea?” Hanji leaned over the man’s shoulder, taking hold of his chin, making sure his eyes were trained on Eren. “Coincidentally, Eren here is taking over the family and I assure you, he is no where near as kind and forgiving as Levi. Perhaps you should think through your next response carefully, hm?”

The man was stiff as a board, his eyes shooting between his dead men and Eren before he turned to Hanji. “What do you want?”

“Disband,” Eren spoke for the first time. “Disband or get an intimate look at what it feels like to die slowly and painfully. I wont be as kind to the next person I kill as I was to those on the floor.”

The man’s eyes widened ever so slightly. “Give us time to consider your proposal?”

Hanji glanced at Eren, realizing he wasn’t about to accept the delay. She stepped in. “You have three days. We expect a favorable answer,” Hanji stood and sauntered back over to the door. “Boss,” she said with a small bow to Eren before she left the room. Eren watched them all for a few moments before he backed out the door, throwing the man he still held captive back into the room at the last second. The two of them booked it, taking the stairs down instead of the elevator. 

Once back in the car and driving back to the house, Hanji finally allowed herself a full breath. “Eren, what did I say about unnecessary killing?”

Eren didn’t even look at her. “It was necessary.”

“I understand how you feel, but we were sending a message, not killing people,” Hanji sighed.

“The message was sent, don’t you think?” Eren replied, his eyes still not having lost the darkness that had been growing since he came down to the lab.

Hanji sighed. “You’re the most intimidating boss I’ve had the experience of working with.”

“Why did you tell them I was taking over the family? I told you, this job only,” Eren replied, ignoring her comment.

“It sold the story. And also, I think they were more afraid of you in that moment than they ever were of Heichou, so it just seemed like the right thing to say,” Hanji shrugged. Eren just hummed in response. “You have to lose this demeanor before we get back, Levi will be able to tell we did something,” Hanji said after several minutes of silence.

Eren glanced towards her and slowly, his shoulders relaxed and the storm clouds in his eyes receded. “I took it too far?” Eren’s voice was that of the sweet young man that Hanji was accustomed to.

“You were fine. I was just worried about how severely we were out numbered, you know?” Hanji sent Eren a smile over her shoulder as they pulled up to the house.

Eren bit his lip. “I don't think you needed me to take control. You handled yourself flawlessly.”

Hanji turned to him after she shut off the car. “I honestly don’t know where that act came from. I think I was trying to calm you down without making you appear weak in front of them, so yes, I did need you.”

Eren took a deep, shaky breath. “I don't know how long I can do this, Hanji. I can shut off all my emotions, but now they feel so much more potent.” His voice sounded small.

“Hopefully, no more than three more days,” Hanji smiled gently.

“Yeah,” Eren sighed, sliding out of the suit jacket and depositing it in the back seat before getting out of the car. “I’m going to go see if Levi wants to work out a little…”

“Eren…” Hanji followed him.

“What?” Eren paused.

Hanji hesitated, deciding last second to keep her thoughts to herself. “Don’t forget to change back into your other clothes in the lab before you go to see him.”

Eren nodded and turned, walking away from her. Hanji’s regret grew. What had she done to that man?


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I think I'm changing my posting schedule to every other day. Sorry about that...

“Eren, cut it out,” Levi grunted.

Eren released his legs and looked over at his sheepishly. “I can’t help it.”

“I have enough bruises shaped like your fingers. I don’t need more,” Levi looked at him sternly.

“I know, sorry,” Eren looked down and turned a little red.

Levi backed up his chair a bit, far enough that he could roll past Eren who had been kneeling in front of the chair. He rolled up to the two bars that had once been too daunting for him to use. This time he held a bit more confidence. Eren came up behind him and lifted him without warning, but politely waited until Levi supported himself on the bars before letting go. It was slow, shuffling movements, but Levi managed to drag himself forward. He made it about half way down the bars before his grip slipped and he fell, crashing to the ground.

“Levi!!” Eren sounded panicked as he ran forward.

“Don’t touch me,” Levi growled. How dare Eren make that face when he was planning to overthrow Levi’s leadership? Levi took a deep breath. ‘Act like you don’t know anything’ he told himself.

“I-I’m sorry….” Eren had flinched away from Levi’s harsh voice, but the look of worry didn’t leave his face.

Levi sighed. “I’m just frustrated,” he said, not a total lie.

Eren nodded, cautiously moving forward. Levi didn’t say anything this time and he allowed Eren to pick him up and bring him back to the chair.

“Again?” Eren smiled cheerfully, even if it was forced.

Levi nodded and allowed Eren to pick him up and position him back on the bars. This time he made it all the way down then before collapsing in the chair Eren had repositioned for him.

“I’ve had enough,” Levi muttered, frustrated.

Eren nodded and pushed the chair out of the dojo. As they passed the lab, Hanji popped her head out and Levi glared daggers at her when she didn’t even look at him, but stared meaningfully at Eren. She disappeared back into the lab as Eren pushed him past the door and then carried Levi up the stairs. This time, Eren deposited him on the bed and then kissed his forehead and then turned and left the room before Levi could say a word.

Returning to the lab, Hanji waved. “Two things, one it seems you've already garnered yourself a nickname. They’ve started calling you Titan, and I can’t help but think that is a super cool name. Two, we have a time and a place to discuss the disbanding of the MP. It seems like they’re going to cooperate. Two days from now, 6 pm, parking lot by the pier.”

Eren nodded. “I’m glad this is working out, but…Titan?”

Hanji laughed. “We don’t pick them, so deal with it. I’m actually a little jealous. Want to trade?”

Eren rolled his eyes. “No, I’ll take Titan, Maniac Scientist.”

Hanji laughed. “You’re even rolls off the tongue better.”

“Fair enough. Anyway, what do we know about the location?” Eren asked, moving back to business.

“I actually think its weird. It’s far away and outside both our and their territories, but maybe that’s the point. Neutral ground,” Hanji shrugged.

“Alright. I want Armin to look into the location and see if there is somewhere we can post Mikasa like last time,” Eren nodded.

Hanji agreed and made the calls while Eren retreated back to the bedroom.

 

_``~`**`~``_

 

“Levi?” Eren was laying in bed next to Levi, staring up at the ceiling while Levi sat next to him, reading a book.

“Yes?” Levi responded, not lifting his eyes from the page he was on.

“You know I love you, right?” Eren smiled softly when he turned his head.

Levi just hummed in response. Eren’s smile slid from his face and he pouted. He turned his body and propped his head up on his hand.

“Like love you as in I’d do anything for you,” Eren continued.

Levi hummed again, still not looking up from his book. Eren’s brow furrowed.

“Hey, I’m trying to tell you something here,” Eren’s frown deepened when Levi still didn’t look up. “HEY!” Eren reached out and pulled the book out of Levi’s hands.

Levi’s eyes turned to him, cold as ice. Eren flinched and carefully placed the book back into Levi’s lap. He had been trying to come clean, trying to be honest, should anything go wrong tonight, he wanted Levi to know the truth from his own lips, but that look told him to shut his mouth.

“I just… I wanted to make sure you knew,” Eren muttered and rolled back onto his back.

Levi’s eyes didn’t leave him, Eren could see out of the corner of his eye. There was a complex range of emotions flashing through those dark eyes that usually drew Eren in, but this time had successfully shut him out.

“Eren, I want you to leave for a bit,” Levi said quietly.

Eren’s head shot up. “I’m sorry, I’ll be quiet, I’ll leave you alone to read.”

Levi shook his head. “You’re supposed to be distancing yourself from me, anyway, aren’t you?”

“Not distancing myself! Just… Sometimes doing things on my own…” Eren’s eyes were wide.

Levi nodded as if that were the same thing. “Exactly. Perhaps I should do the same.”

Eren bit his lip and looked absolutely pathetic. “Please don’t shut me out.”

Levi’s eyes flashed, but he didn’t look away. “I’m asking you to leave me alone. Can you not respect my request?”

Eren’s anger bristled. He knew what Levi was doing. He was using Eren’s own words against him to push Eren away. Though the logical, rational part of his brain screamed against it, the anger clouded his judgement as Eren stood up. He looked at Levi, but didn’t meet his eyes. “Your wish is my command, Heichou,” he said, sarcasm dripping from his voice. He bowed deeply and then turned on his heel and walked out of the room.

Levi sighed deeply. What had Eren expected? That Levi would just happily cuddle up with him despite the fact that Eren was taking away his livelihood? Did he really think that Levi would just roll over and accept what Eren had done just because the younger man had said ‘I love you’? Part of Levi’s mind retorted that, saying ‘you would’, but Levi shoved that part down and steeled his emotions. No, Eren and Hanji had other things coming for them if they thought he would take this mutiny lying down. They had best be ready for his wrath.

Levi jumped as there was a loud slam and the wall to the bedroom shook. When nothing further happened, he picked his book back up and tried not to think about exactly how cold this bed was when it was just him in it.

Eren shaking his hand from the strength he had used to punch the wall growled in frustration as he headed down to the lab. He fell into a stood with a huff and Hanji arched her eyebrows at him in question.

“Levi’s being a jerk,” Eren grumbled.

“Well, he’s never been known for tact…” Hanji shrugged.

Eren huffed again, but this time it sounded more like he was trying to cover an an amused laugh than a frustration sound. “Hanji…” He said in a mock warning tone.

“What? It’s true,” Hanji shrugged and grinned. “You ready for tonight? We have to leave in an hour.”

“Yeah, I’m just irritated enough to deal with some assholes,” Eren replied.

Hanji pursed her lips, that now all too familiar regret blooming in her chest. “Your suit’s in the back.”

Eren nodded and went to change.


	33. Chapter 33

Eren leaned against the car, 6 pm having come and gone almost an hour ago.

“I think we’ve been stood up,” Hanji said, checking her watch.

Eren growled in frustration. “Let’s go back to the house and figure out our next move.”

Hanji nodded and opened the car door for Eren. He climbed in and settled into the seat, seething. If the MP thinks they could get away with not only standing him up, but ignoring their demand to disband, then they had another thing coming.

“Hanji, I think its about time we tell Levi what’s going on,” Eren said finally.

Hanji glanced in the rearview, “I thought we agreed that was a bad idea.”

“I know, and we still don't know what he will do, but I’m running on empty. I snapped on Levi earlier, and even though he wasn’t be necessarily nice to me, he didn’t deserve it and I understand where he was coming from,” Eren bit his lip. “I don't want to become this person forever. I’m afraid I’ll lose the part of me that Levi loves.”

“He’ll love you no matter what, Eren, but I understand. We’ll tell him when we get home,” Hanji conceded. Eren relaxed back into the seat, feeling better than he had since he had begun to lie to Levi.

When they got back to the house, Eren felt his heart skip into his throat. The front door was open. Getting out of the car and sprinting into the house, Eren noticed it was eerily quiet. His heart pounded in his ears and he ran past Levi’s chair and up the stairs. The bed was empty. There wasn’t anyone in the bathroom, but there were telltale signs of struggle.

“EREN!” Hanji’s voice sounded frantic. Eren ran back down the stairs and found Hanji in her lab, staring at a screen that had been set up, a small webcam positioned over it, watching them. Eren shook, taking in the view on the screen. Levi, sitting calmly in a chair, his eyes covered by a strip of black fabric, the man that had been sitting the other day positioned behind him, a gun glinting in the low light, pressed to Levi’s head.

“Don’t you dare-“ Eren’s voice was cut off by the man’s.

“Ah, we’re all here now. Now, now, Titan, I don't think you’re in any position to make demands. Now we get to see which one of you cares more, considering we've already played this game with you. You, of all people, know exactly what we can do…” The man leaned down and pressed his nose to Levi’s hair, inhaling deeply. Levi barely flinched, but it was visible to anyone who knew him, while Eren dug his nails into his hands as they balled into fists, trying to contain his rage.

“What do you want?” Eren’s voice was low and filled with barely contained rage.

“I am going to text you an address. You will come alone, within an hour of receiving the message,” the man said.

“Don’t, Eren,” Levi said calmly. The man hit him across the head with the gun, a muted grunt left his lips, his face barely scrunching, as if he had tried not to let the pain of the blow effect him.

The man took a handful of Levi’s hair an wrenched it to the side, running his tongue along the strip of Levi’s neck that was exposed before he looked back at the camera, smirking. “Unless, you’d rather him learn what it was like for you, Titan.”

“Stop! Leave him alone! Text it to me, I’ll be there,” Eren replied, his body visibly shaking as his ears registered a mostly contained whimper from Levi.

The man ran the gun down Levi’s neck and tucked it under the collar of his shirt, pulling until the top button popped. “It might be fun to ravish him here, with the camera on, so all you can do is watch, unable to save your poor little cripple…”

“STOP IT!” Eren screamed as Levi strained, trying to lean as far away from the man as he could.

“Eren, they’ll kill you if you come, leave me,” Levi said. He was trying to sound calm and collected despite a wave of fear that rose inside him. It was fear equally for what these people could do to him if he was left in their care as well as what would happen to Eren if he came to get Levi.

“Oh, well, as much fun as this is, I think it would be more fun if you couldn’t tell what we were doing. Expect that text, Titan,” the man said, sighing as he stood.

The screen shut off and Eren’s legs almost gave out from under him. Eren turned and walked from the room, followed closely by Hanji. As soon as he rounded the corner, Eren collapsed, sliding down the wall, his breath coming in short gasps. 

Hanji knelt next to him. “Eren, breathe, come on, we’re going to get him back, okay?”

Eren gasped, tears falling from his eyes. “They’re going to do awful things to him and it’s all my fault, if it wasn’t for me he wouldn’t have had any trouble fending them off when they came for him, Hanji, it’s all my fault… I promise I’ll get him back, no matter the cost.”

Hanji bit her lip and nodded. “I know you will.”

Eren gripped her arm. “Look after him for me when all of this is over.”

“Eren… You’ll be here to do that,” Hanji smiled weakly.

“Promise me, Hanji,” Eren replied.

Hanji’s shoulders shook slightly. “Yes, Sir.”

“They have to text me, why haven’t they texted me?” Eren held out his phone, his breathing still erratic.

“You have to calm down first. You’re no good to anyone in this condition,” Hanji said.

Eren nodded and tried to ground himself. It took a few minutes and Hanji’s help, but he finally calmed down enough to breathe normally. “When I get the address, I want to to follow me, but at a 20 minute delay. Levi will need someone to bring him home if I… if I can’t.”

“I think I should go with you,” Hanji objected.

“No, he said come alone. I will not jeopardize Levi’s life. I forbid you to come until later,” Eren said, using his boss voice.

Hanji nodded, biting her lip. “Eren, I’m so sorry, I should never have dragged you into this.”

Eren offered a tiny, fake smile. “It’s not your fault, Hanji. Don’t worry, Levi will be home, safe and sound in no time.”

Hanji nodded, guilt and regret still swirling inside her. “We just have to wait, right?”

Eren nodded. “More importantly, who is that man?”

Hanji shook her head. “We have zero intel on him, which just makes him more intimidating. He’s been in the MP for a long time, but we have never been able to uncover so much as a name.”

Eren nodded. “I suppose it doesn’t matter, it’s just… I remember him. He’s the one who made me write… Well, as long as he lets Levi go…”

Hanji nodded. “You already know more about him than we do, then.”

It took two days, Eren falling in and out of panic before his phone buzzed. Over those two days, Eren relived his time in the warehouse, being tortured and raped repeatedly, knowing that Levi was going through the same fate made Eren feel like his heart had been ripped out.

“Hanji! This is the address. 20 minutes behind, agreed?” Eren ran into the dojo where Hanji was trying to work off some of her stress.

“Yes, Sir,” Hanji bowed.

Eren turned to leave as Hanji called after him. “Be careful, Eren.”

Eren nodded and left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I-I'm sorry!!! *hides*


	34. Chapter 34

A man patted down Eren, taking his gun and the knife he had decided to bring along as well as his phone. Then he was shuttled into another car, and driven to a building in almost the center of town. Eren could only hope that Hanji would be able to find them. He was lead through the building, to a back room where he saw Levi in he same chair from the video, looking a little worse for wear. His clothes were disheveled, barely remaining on his frame and Eren could only imagine what he had endured during the last two days. He looked up to see the same man standing casually behind him.

“Welcome, Titan, glad to see you can follow directions,” the man grinned sadistically.

Eren’s every muscle was tense, but he just nodded. “What is it you want?”

The man stepped around Levi, that grin still in place, and held out the gun in front of him. “Well, I thought we’d play a game.”

“Game?” Eren’s eye darkened even more than they already were.

“Yes, I’m going to let you choose who dies tonight. You or your precious Levi,” the man’s grin widened.

Eren didn’t blink, he didn’t hesitate. “Me.”

At the same time, Levi spoke, “Me.”

The man laughed. “Looks like we have a difference in opinion. Isn’t your love beautiful? Both willing to die to save the other.”

Eren saw Levi reach up and pull the blindfold off. “You shouldn't have come,” Levi said, finally being able to see, he stared into Eren’s eyes. No matter how angry at Eren he was, he wasn’t prepared for the younger man to die tonight. No, Eren had to live a long life, no matter what.

“You came for me,” Eren whispered.

“Aw, how touching. But, let’s be honest, I said I’d let Titan chose, so I guess you’re the one dying,” the man extended the gun, pointing it towards Eren.

“No,” Levi grunted and Eren could see him struggling, trying to push himself out of the chair, trying to stand.

The darkness in Eren’s eyes vanished, replaced with softness and love, as he watched Levi struggle. “I love you.” He whispered.

“No!” Levi all but shouted, his struggling becoming more intense. Levi couldn’t believe that Eren was just accepting this. No, he couldn’t die. Levi couldn’t let this happen. He would stand if it killed him, he would get up from this chair and put the asshole who threatened his beloved in the ground, even if it was the last thing Levi ever did. The man made him angry, thinking he could get away with what he’d done, but Eren terrified him, looking at Levi with such gentle eyes, accepting this piss-poor situation while looking at Levi with those gentle eyes, like he wasn’t about to die right in front of Levi. NO, THIS WILL NOT HAPPEN.

The gun went off. Eren spun his body at the very last second, as if in the last moment, his will to live overpowered his determination, but he still went down, blood seeping out as he clutched his shoulder. The man whistled, impressed.

“You managed to avoid a fatal blow that quickly? Well, no problem, I have plenty of bullets,” he said as he repositioned his aim. “It’s more fun to watch you suffer first, anyway.”

Levi growled, an inhuman sound, and finally accomplished his goal. He pushed himself into a standing position and teetered forward, collapsing onto the man. The man let out a sound of surprise as he fell to the floor, Levi’s weight coming out of no where. The gun clattered on the floor between the man and Eren. Eren reached forward and swatted it to the side, out of reach. The man made a sound of frustration and threw Levi off of him, who openly groaned in pain as he hit the ground a few feet away. Eren slowly picked himself up and punched the man in the face, halting his standing. He hit him again, using his working arm to punch him over and over, his other arm hanging limply at his side, useless. Levi, breathing hard from the exertion of having actually stood, realized his had landed a few feet from the gun. He dragged his body over to it and picked it up, watching the scene unfolding before him. Eren, kneeling over the man, punching relentlessly, as the man screamed for help. Levi trained the gun on the door, waiting for the reinforcements.

When one entered, he clipped him in the leg and then in his dominant arm, making him unable to aid his boss instead of killing him. He repeated this once, twice, three times. After the fourth person, Levi waited, but no one else came through the door. His eyes turned to Eren, who was now weakly punching, his eyes half lidded. The man had stopped moving at some point. Levi glanced back to the door and made a decision.

“Eren,” Levi said, but Eren didn't respond. “Eren.” Levi began to drag his body forward, his legs having given up after that one moment of supporting him. “Eren! Stop, it’s not worth it. Don’t kill him…. Don't be like me.”

Slowly Eren stopped punching and looked up at Levi, his eyes fluttering. “Levi, you’re okay, it’s okay. I love you, I love you so much. Everything… is going to be alright… Hanji is coming for you, she’s going to protect you…”

Eren lurched forward, but caught himself last second. Levi continued to drag himself, no longer able to tell how much of the blood on the floor was Eren’s and how much was the man’s. 

“You have to stay awake, Eren, talk to me,” Levi whispered as he finally got himself over to Eren.

“It’s okay, Levi, I love you so, so much, okay?” Eren’s voice was becoming weaker.

“I love you, too. Come here,” Levi held open his arms and Eren allowed himself to collapse into them. Levi held him tightly with one arm, the gun trained on the door again as he heard movement outside. “Keep talking,” Levi shook Eren gently.

“We didn't want you to worry, you know. You weren’t supposed to find out like this,” Eren muttered, his eyes closing slowly.

“Keep your eyes open. You mean find out about the overthrow? I already knew,” Levi glanced down at Eren before training his eyes back on the door.

“Overthrow? No…. Only this one job… it was supposed to be….” Eren’s voice was barely audible now.

Levi looked down in surprise. “Just this one?”

“Yeah… ‘cause… the MP…” Eren’s eyes closed and this time they didn’t open again, no matter how much Levi shook him. Levi cursed under his breath, thankful that he at least could still see Eren breathing. He evaluated his options before he lowered Eren to the floor and dragged himself about a foot before he reached back and dragged Eren to him. Repeating the motion over and over again until he had Eren cradled in his lap again, pressed against the wall next to the door. The commotion outside seemed to have quieted, but now he could hear footsteps approaching. He readied the gun. The door swung open and a young man stood there, his gun drawn, but Levi recognized him after a second.

“It’s you,” Levi spoke, drawing they young man’s attention to them.

The young man turned to Levi and his eyes widened as he saw the state that Eren and Levi were in. He immediately holstered his gun and held up his hands.

“I won’t hurt you. My name is Marlowe. Marlowe Freudenberg. I want to help, your people are here,” the young man said, and then turned back out the door. “Ms.Hanji!”

“Just Hanji, Freudenberg… Heichou!” Hanji’s voice muttered until she saw Levi and Eren curled against the wall.

“Hanji, take him,” Levi commanded.

She turned and nodded, scooping Eren up and turning back to the door, shouting. “Take Heichou, Freudenberg, I can't carry both him and Eren.” Then she started to carry Eren away, Mikasa and Armin appearing a second later, both flanking Marlowe carrying Levi out of the building after Hanji and Eren. Levi would have complained about someone he didn’t know carrying him if he hadn’t been so concerned about Eren.

“Please just call me Marlowe, Ma’am,” Marlowe said quietly, but did as he was told, depositing Levi in the back seat of the car that Hanji indicated.

“Drive,” Hanji tossed the keys to Armin and climbed into the back seat with Eren as Levi was deposited next to them. Hanji spread Eren across them and she looked up to Levi, regret in her eyes.

“How bad?” She asked.

“His shoulder,” Levi whispered.

Hanji immediately took of her coat and applied pressure to the bleeding shoulder. “What about you?”

“I’m fine,” Levi gently stroked Eren’s legs that were splayed over him. “He protected me, took the bullet for me.”

“It’s going to be okay, Heichou,” Hanji muttered, not fully believing her own words.

Levi nodded, clinging to the words like a lifeline. “Armin, drive faster,” he commanded.

Armin glanced in the rearview mirror with concern, but nodded and pressed down on the accelerator.

“I know how he felt that night,” Levi muttered.

“That night?” Hanji looked up, confused.

“The night that left me like this,” Levi motioned to his legs.

Hanji nodded quietly. “It’s different, though. Your wound was much more severe. The only thing I’m worried about now is how much blood he’s lost. As long as we get to the hospital in time to give him a transfusion, he should be alright…”

Levi nodded. “He has to be alright so I can hit him for doing something so stupid…”

Hanji smiled slightly. “He’s going to be fine…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eep *hides more than before*


	35. Chapter 35

Eren jerked awake, sitting bolt upright in the hospital bed, aware or a sharp pain in his shoulder. “LEVI!”

All the heads in the room turned to him. Eren’s eyes passed over Hanji, Mikasa, Armin and the landed on Levi. Eren breathed a sigh of relief and slumped back down into the bed.

“You idiot,” Levi said stiffly, rolling over to the bed in a chair that had been provided by the hospital. He lifted himself with his arms, plopped down on the bed and reached out, smacking Eren on the back of the head. “Don’t you EVER take a bullet for me again, do you hear me?”

Eren stared at him for a few moments blinking, before he started to laugh. “Levi, you stood up.”

“Adrenaline will do crazy things,” Levi muttered.

“Wait, when?!” Hanji exclaimed.

“In the building! I’m alive because after that guy hit me in the shoulder, Levi stood and toppled into him,” Eren grinned and wrapped his undamaged arm around Levi, hugging him tightly.

“Stop, I’m trying to… Eren… Stop. I need you to promise to NEVER DO THAT AGAIN,” Levi growled, but didn’t pull out of Eren’s hug.

Eren pulled back slightly and looked into Levi’s eyes seriously. “I will never promise that. I will take a bullet for you as may times as I need to to keep you safe.”

Levi sighed. “You’re a goddamn idiot.”

“Of course I am, my love,” Eren grinned. “Plus, I got to watch you stand up because of it!”

Levi’s cheeks tinged pink when he was called ‘my love’, but he had a point to push. “You were prepared to die today.”

Eren’s smile faded. “You’re right, I was. Because if that’s what it takes to protect you, I will gladly give up my life.”

Levi glared. “I refuse to live in a world that you don’t.”

Eren gaped at him, evaluating his seriousness. Levi just looked up at Eren from his position, tightly held to Eren’s side, his eyes deadly serious. Eren slowly closed his mouth that had been hanging open. “I feel the same way. That’s why I was willing to die for you, Levi.”

Levi blinked, processing the information. “Eren…”

Eren shook his head. “You’re the first face in my memory that treated me like I was a person. My heart beats like it has known you for so long, even if I can’t remember it. You’re my first thought when I wake up and my last when I go to sleep. If there was no Levi in this world, there would be no Eren.”

Levi shook slightly, fighting down tears. Eren looked up when he heard a muffled sniffle. Mikasa was trying to stifle tears as she watched the scene before her, Hanji was smiling softly and Armin was comforting Mikasa looking about to cry himself.

“It’s like for this one moment, everything is right with the world,” Armin said softly.

“Eren, Im sorry,” Hanji stood and bowed.

Eren looked at her curiously. “Why?”

“I almost didn’t make it to you in time, and if it wasn’t for the help I received, I might not have made it at all,” Hanji’s bow deepened.

Eren sat forward, releasing Levi and pulling Hanji into a hug. “As long as we’re all okay, it doesn’t matter.”

“Okay is relative,” Levi muttered.

Eren turned to Levi and looked over him with a ‘we will talk about this later’ face before turning back to Hanji. “What do you mean, help received?”

Hanji motioned over her shoulder and Armin stood to open the door. A man Eren didn't recognize walked into the room. He bowed politely. “My name is Marlowe, Mr. Jaeger.”

“Really, Freudenberg, cut out the formalities. He’s Eren,” Hanji said, exasperated.

“Sorry, Ma’a- Hanji,” Marlowe looked sheepish.

“Who are you?” Eren looked suspicious.

Marlowe opened his mouth, but Levi cut him off. “I remember you.”

Marlowe looked upset. “I’m sorry, I really tried…”

Levi nodded. “It’s that which saved your life, or I would have shot you when you came in the room,” Levi replied.

Eren looked at Levi, his suspicion growing. “What happened?”

“Marlowe objected to my treatment and was escorted off the premises,” Levi replied quietly. “I thought they’d kill you.”

“I was assigned to other projects, but… I wanted to help you, it wasn’t right, what they were doing… I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself if I didn’t do something. And I figured that anyone high up in the Yakuza wouldn’t actually come alone so I went to the meeting place, knowing that they were trading cars there so I could escort your family to the correct location.”

“Marlowe was quite helpful,” Hanji confirmed.

Eren smiled gently, his air of suspicion melting away. “Thank you, Marlowe.” Then he turned to Hanji. “I think it’s time we went home.”

Hanji nodded. “We were just waiting for you to wake up before you were discharged.”

After being given a sling and being told how lucky he was that the bullet didn’t cut through anything too important, Eren was released from the hospital. Marlowe stood awkwardly in the parking lot until Levi motioned for him to get in the car with Armin and Mikasa with a simple, “We’ll worry about your crest later.” Marlowe felt warm inside, having already been accepted into the family, even though he had once been a member of their worst enemies.

 Hanji had to lift Levi into the car and out again when they arrived at the house. She carried him upstairs and to bed and bowed out of the room, leaving Levi and Eren alone.

Eren turned to Levi, his eyes filling with storm clouds, but they were different this time, almost… possessive. “Levi, did they touch you?”

Levi’s mouth fell open at the direct question. “Eren-”

“Did they touch you?” Eren cut him off.

Levi sighed. “They told me they were going to give me a taste of what my negligence allowed to happen to you.”

Eren’s eyes darkened further and approached the bed, resembling more a predatory animal than Levi’s sweet husband. “Where did they touch you?”

Levi’s eyes shot downwards and he muttered. “Where didn’t they is easier to answer.”

Eren crawled onto the bed and hovered over Levi. “You’re mine, I have to make you mine again,” and he pressed his lips to Levi’s roughly.

When they broke for air, Levi gasped out, “Eren, stop. Stop!”

Eren growled, but kissed down Levi’s neck where he had seen the man run his disgusting tongue.

“EREN STOP IT, I’M AFRAID,” Levi yelled, pushing Eren away from him with all of the upper body strength he had.

Eren froze and leaned back, apology written all over his face, the storm clouds gone. “I-I’m sorry… I should have known better… I-I….” Eren felt tears well up into his eyes.

Levi covered his face with both hands for a minute before he turned to look at Eren. “I’m not like how you were, you can touch me. I just… I don't want you to look like that when you do. I understand how you feel, believe me, I do, but I never stopped being yours no matter what happened to me in that room.”

Eren nodded and tentatively crawled forward again, plopping down at Levi’s side, letting out a hiss of pain when he jarred his shoulder. “I’m sorry…”

Levi looked over him before carefully pulling Eren against him. “You can’t even do me right with your shoulder the way it is,” he said teasingly. Eren rolled his eyes, but then fell quiet. “What is it?” Levi asked.

“You said ‘don’t be like me’,” Eren said softly.

Levi hesitated. “Yes. I don't want you to be like me. A cold killer, consumed by revenge.”

Eren looked up at him. “It’s like everything is backwards all of the sudden.”

Levi smiled that little half smile at him. “Well, I was lectured by my husband on the topic.”

“Oh? Do you think your husband was right?” Eren asked.

“To be honest, I’m not sure, but when I thought of it, I couldn’t bare the idea of your hands being as stained as mine,” Levi looked away.

“Levi… He wouldn’t have been the first,” Eren bit his lip.

Levi’s eyes shot back to him. “What?”

“I killed two at the warehouse when you were shot, and two more about a week ago now,” Eren looked almost embarrassed.

Levi studied his face for a few minutes, the room falling into silence. Eren felt almost like he was under scrutiny. Finally he spoke. “I don't want you to be part of the business. But if that's what you want, I won’t stop you. I wanted to protect you.”

Eren gave Levi a lopsided smile. “And I was trying to protect you. Honestly, I don't really want to be part of the business, but if I’m needed, I don't mind stepping in.”

Levi nodded. “Fair enough.”

Eren reached up and pressed a kiss into Levi’s cheek. “So, how do we replicate you standing?”

“Get shot?” Levi raised an eyebrow.

Eren laughed. “I’d prefer not to get shot again, thank you.”

“No idea then,” Levi sent Eren a glance that might was well have been a full on teasing smirk.

“Well, what were you thinking when you stood up?” Eren asked.

Levi looked down. “I was thinking that I refuse to let you die and even if it killed me, I’d take that man down.”

Eren bit his lip. “I have an idea, but you’re not going to like it.”

Levi looked at Eren’s face and frowned. “I never seem to like your ideas.”

Eren laughed before he schooled his face back into seriousness. “If you can walk when I’m being threatened, then we threaten me. We even have a former member of the MP to do it.”

Levi shook his head. “I don’t like that idea.”

“I told you that you wouldn’t,” Eren replied.

“But it might work. We’ll try it, but don’t push yourself too far,” Levi looked at Eren seriously.

“For this to have a chance of working, I don’t think you can tell me how far to push myself,” Eren pointed out.

Levi remained silent. He knew Eren, and he knew that there was a good chance that Eren would be willing to put himself in potentially fatal situations should it help Levi get somewhere he believed Levi wanted to be. No, Levi didn’t like this at all, but he had a sneaking suspicion that Eren would do it no matter what Levi said right now, and at least this way he would be privy to it happening.

Eren grinned. “Don’t look so concerned, love.”

Levi’s cheeks immediately flushed. “What’s with this pet name kick you’re on?” He mumbled.

Eren shrugged. “I don't know. I just like calling you that. Do you mind?”

Levi felt the red on his cheeks getting darker and he tried to suffocate his embarrassment. “N-no… you’ve just never called me anything but Levi.”

“Not true, sometimes I call you boss,” Eren retorted.

“That’s different, that’s you being a cheeky ass,” Levi muttered.

“Oh, so what is it when I call you love?” Eren teased gently.

Levi opened his mouth and then snapped it shut, the blush he had finally managed to suffocate returning in full force. He stared at the foot of the bed, refusing to admit that his brain supplied ‘cute’ and ‘adorable’ as two of the words for Eren giving him pet names.

Eren just laughed, as if he could see inside Levi’s mind. Levi almost smiled, but he stuffed it down below the stubborn blank face he usually wore and gave Eren a stern glance, that only made the younger man giggle harder. This is how it was supposed to be…


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the delay, I thought I posted this yesterday but apparently I just saved it as a draft... oops.

Eren swung his fist, narrowly missing Marlowe’s head as he dodged the blow. Marlowe returned with a series of punches and kicks, ending with Eren on his ass. Eren cursed under his breath, knowing he was at a disadvantage, having one arm tied tightly to his side to avoid jostling his damaged shoulder too much. At least Marlowe was nice enough to not hit him in that area. As he moved to stand again, Marlowe rushed forward, pressing the cold metal of the wires he carried against Eren’s neck. Eren struggled at first, but Marlowe just tightened his cords around Eren’s neck. Eren choked and tried to breathe normally, but failed.

Levi struggled from where he watched the scene. As much as he knew this was staged to make him walk, Marlowe seemed much too serious. Eren’s breathing was so labored that the younger man could barely manage short, shallow gasps. His breathing reminded Levi of the panic attacks Eren used to get, and still did from time to time, even if he tried to hide them from Levi now.

Eren swung his elbow back, fighting Marlowe’s grasp, but as the other grunted in pain when Eren’s elbow connected, he just tightened his cords. Eren’s mouth opened and closed, no more oxygen flowing to his brain. He fell forward, his body going slack, his eyes sliding closed.

“Shit,” Marlowe muttered and released Eren from his wires. Leaning over the other, he moved to check for a pulse, but before he could touch Eren, he was met by the end of a long blade.

Slowly looking up, Marlowe met Levi’s eyes, the older man standing, panting hard and holding the knife against Marlowe’s neck. “Don’t you dare touch him,” Levi gasped out.

Eren sputtered between them. “Fuck, Marlowe. Next time I’m not pulling my punches-“ Eren’s voice, rough from the strangulation he had just endured, caught in his throat as he rolled over to see the scene above him.

Marlowe dropped the wires. Levi wobbled slightly, but didn’t collapse like last time. His eyes shot down to Eren who had pushed himself into a sitting position and growled low in his throat when he observed Eren’s blood shot eyes and the trickle of blood from Eren’s neck where the wires had cut him.

Eren coughed, trying to clear the roughness from his voice, but failed. “Levi, I’m okay,” he said as softly as he could.

“You’re bleeding. You lost consciousness. It was too far,” Levi growled out.

Eren slowly stood and placed a hand on Levi’s arm, keeping his body between Marlowe and Levi. “Look at yourself, love,” Eren whispered.

Levi looked down and seemed almost confused for a second. “I-I didn’t even think…”

Eren looked over Levi’s shoulder and noted the distance of the chair. “You didn’t just stand, Levi.”

Levi glanced over his shoulder as Eren had and he realized his rage had made his legs walk him at least six steps. “Catch me,” he muttered and his legs gave out, Eren smoothly catching him as he went down. The blade slipped from between his fingers as Eren slid down to the floor, cradling Levi, finding it difficult to hold Levi up one handed.

“You did amazing,” Eren murmured, holding his older husband close.

“Eren, I’m sorry,” Marlowe gasped out shakily, finally released from Levi’s blade to his neck. 

Eren shook his head. “You did what I asked of you. Though if we do this again, can we not go for strangulation? That really sucked.”

“I-I may have squeezed too tight,” Marlowe look embarrassed.

“I’m still alive, so it’s okay,” Eren replied.

“I almost wasn’t,” Marlowe muttered and Levi hummed in agreement.

“Levi!” Eren scolded gently. “You’re going to scare the new recruit.”

Levi shrugged and looked straight ahead of him, something Eren had come to realize was a habit of Levi’s when he was being cheeky. Eren rolled his eyes and unceremoniously dumped Levi out of his lap. Levi couldn’t suppress the squawk of surprise he let out as he hit the floor. Marlowe made a strange strangled sound at the display and when Eren looked up, he could see that the other man was desperately trying to suffocate his laughter. 

Eren grinned and stood up, slinging his good arm around Marlowe’s shoulders and speaking as if nothing had happened. “But really, Marlowe, I’d rather be shot again than strangled, you feel me?”

“I can’t shoot you,” Marlowe looked terrified at the idea.

“No, but please, find another way to potentially kill me, okay?” Eren’s grin widened.

“Really, Eren?” Levi asked from the floor, finally growing frustrated with being ignored.

Eren huffed as if it was a big chore and walked back over to Levi, holding out his hand. Levi gave him a curious look before accepting the hand and allowed Eren to pull him to his feet… Where Levi almost immediately toppled back over.

“Hey,” Eren grunted in pain as Levi’s weight collided into his shoulder. He held out his good arm for Levi to hold on to, tensing it to make sure it was a solid place for the older man to grip. “Find your balance, love.”

Levi’s hands fell on Eren’s arm, steadying himself. “I can feel my legs.” He whispered and looked up at Eren, tears in his eyes.

Eren’s eyes widened and glanced at Marlowe. “You’re dismissed,” he said quickly and Marlowe immediately left the room. 

As soon as he was out of the room, Levi’s tears spilled over. “I forgot what standing felt like…”

“I forgot how short you are…” Eren said, his eyes glittering with pride and a little mischief.

Levi smacked the arm he was clutching, almost losing his balance again. “Again with the short jokes, Titan?” Levi growled, though it was less convincing with the tear streaks on his cheeks. Even if it had only been a momentary overflow of tears, they still stained his face and Levi didn’t trust himself enough to let go of Eren’s support and wipe them.

“Oh no, don’t call me that please,” Eren winced.

“Why not, titans are supposed to be huge and dumb, are they not?” Levi raised an eyebrow, teasingly.

“And vicious. I’m trying not to be that, thank you,” Eren bit his lip.

Levi’s eyes softened. “I know.”

“This whole fiasco has awakened another side of me, Levi. I don’t know if I’m alright with that side,” Eren looked down, his eyes unfocused.

“It’s alright, Eren,” Levi said softly, finally releasing Eren’s arm with one hand to tilt the younger man’s chin so he was looking at Levi. “You know, no matter what happens, I will love you.”

Eren’s eyes widened in surprise and he just stared at Levi for so long that the older man actually began to feel uncomfortable. Finally, Eren smiled and pulled Levi against himself, hugging the smaller man close and wrapping his arm around his back, Levi’s arms securing around Eren’s neck. It was a little bit of a stretch, with Eren just a few inches shy of a foot taller than him, but it still seemed like the most comfortable place to Levi. After a few seconds, Eren began to sway back and forth, a gentle motion that Levi was able to follow, even with his only partially working legs.

“What are you doing?” Levi asked softly.

“Dancing,” Eren replied, his cheek resting against the top of Levis head.

Levi snorted. “There’s no music.”

“There is in my mind,” Eren said, and he began to hum quietly.

Levi’s eyes widened as he listened to the gentle tune. He lifted his head off Eren’s chest, where it had fallen, and looked up at the younger man. “That song…”

Eren looked down at him, question in his eyes, but he didn’t stop their swaying or stop humming.

“It was the song that played when we had our first dance at our wedding,” Levi felt tears threatening his eyes again, so he blinked several times to keep them at bay.

“Hmm,” Eren hummed and pulled Levi back flush against him, Levi’s head nestling back against his chest. “No wonder it feels so warm in my mind…”

Levi let his small smile fall onto his lips as they swayed and then began to hum along with Eren.

Eventually, Levi felt too much strain from having used his legs so much for the first time in too long and he patted Eren’s uninjured shoulder. “I need to sit down.”

Eren, who had stopped humming a while ago, just kept up the swaying, nodded and carefully walked Levi backwards to his chair. “I love you,” he whispered and pressed his lips to Levi’s head after the older man was settled.

“I love you, too,” Levi looked up at Eren and let the small smile remain on his lips.


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sick as a dog, my brain feels fuzzy, but at least I can write a little more with everyone demanding I get bed rest!

Eren sat in the lab with Hanji, his knee bouncing, staring off into space as Hanji kept glancing up at him nervously. It had been three months since the day in the dojo, and as far as Hanji could tell, Eren was spiraling. He had quit going to therapy about a month ago, and outwardly, he seemed to be doing just fine. However, Hanji knew Eren and she knew that there was something going on in the young man’s head that she couldn’t quite pinpoint, but she knew it wasn’t good. Hanji’s attention was pulled to the door to the lab, where Levi had just walked in. He had a severe limp, and couldn’t really get around without the aid of a cane, and yet, Hanji was so happy to see her boss up and walking that it didn’t really matter how well he managed it. To be honest, Hanji hadn’t expected much when installing the equipment Eren asked for in the dojo. She, like everyone else, had resigned herself to Levi being wheelchair bound for the rest of his life. Really, the only one who didn’t give up even for a second was Eren. Hanji couldn’t help but wonder how much of that determination had been guilt.

“Meds,” he said quietly, towards Hanji, before walking over and standing behind Eren. He ran his fingers over Eren’s shoulder, pulling the younger man from his trance like state before Eren smiled up at Levi slightly.

Hanji walked over and held out a cap, containing two small white pills and a glass of water. Levi had low amounts of pain since the accident but since he started walking again the pain had gotten more severe. Hanji had insisted on keeping the medication for the pain in her lab, not because she thought either man in front of her now was currently a suicide risk, but more because she was decently certain that Levi was an idiot when it came to following directions and she worried about him accidentally taking too much too close together because the pills weren’t 100% effective or something, not that she’d ever tell him that to his face. At least, Eren’s shoulder had healed completely, with little more than a small scar to show for it, which when added to all his other ones seemed relatively inconsequential.

“I think I’m going to go get Lily more food…” Eren stood suddenly and pressed a kiss to Levi’s forehead before retreating from the room, grabbing Hanji’s car keys from the hook by the door as he went. 

Both Hanji and Levi watched him go before Hanji turned to Levi. “Levi…”

“Yes, I’ve noticed,” Levi said flatly.

“I have no idea what to do about him,” Hanji bit her lip. 

“I don’t either,” Levi looked down. “I think he’s fighting himself.”

“What do you mean?” Hanji asked.

“I believe he liked the designation ‘Titan’ more than he would like to admit, but more than the title, I believe he liked the actions that earned him said designation and that part of him is at war with the kind, sweet Eren that we know,” Levi settled himself onto a stool.

“I’ve met the other Eren…” Hanji sat down across from Levi. “I’d prefer that we never have to meet him again. Makes you look like Mother Teresa.”

Levi looked up sharply. “How much did you see? I was under the impression that he only killed four people.”

“Yeah, four. But that’s the part that’s scary, Heichou. It wasn’t the killing that earned him the name. It was the look in his eyes, the persona that came over him. He frightened me and I was an ally,” Hanji picked at her fingers. “I think… It’s my fault. I should have figured out how to handle everything on my own.”

“Next time he goes out, I want you to follow him. I know that he’s not buying Lily food, there’s plenty upstairs,” Levi frowned.

“This feels as distinctly wrong as when we were deceiving you,” Hanji pointed out.

“That was necessary then, and this is necessary now,” Levi replied and stood, grunting slightly as a bit of pain shot down his legs.

“Yes, Heichou,” Hanji replied, politely ignoring Levi’s sound and the way his limp was even more apparent for his next few steps.

Levi paused at the door and spoke without turning around. “Don’t blame yourself. You did what you could.”

Hanji looked up, shocked, and Levi left the room as quickly as his limp would allow, the clack of his cane echoing down the hallway as he went.

 

_``~`**`~``_

 

Hanji watched the car pull down the long driveway to the house before she ran outside, taking the keys to the car that Armin usually drove and followed at a respectful distance. She tailed Eren, but grew concerned that he was aware of her, despite her prowess at tailing people, as he seemed to be driving aimlessly around the city. Finally, the car in front of her pulled to a stop and Eren leapt from the car. Hanji felt her concern grow, Eren’s parking job was a mess, pretty much barely pulled off to the side of the road and he had ran down the alley he had pulled over in front of at lightning speed.

Hanji quickly parked and snuck up the the entrance to the alley, preparing herself for the worst. What she didn’t expect was Eren deftly taking down two thugs before he turned to a girl who was huddled against a trash can near by. Eren extended his hand to her and she took it after a few moments of hesitation. Hanji turned away and retreated to her car, pulling away before Eren could have the chance to return to his and catch her there.

“Vigilante, Eren? Really??” Hanji slammed her hand against the steering wheel as she drove back to the mansion. What disturbed her more than the fact that Eren was regularly leaving the house to pick fights (albeit, fights with people who deserved them, but still) was how much glee she could see radiating off him as he beat those men. She wasn’t confident either of them was going to be getting up from that interaction.

Back at the house, Hanji went straight to her lab and pulled up all the reports she could find of vigilante activity in the area that could match Eren’s description. The number of reports were insurmountable. Hanji breathed out a slow breath, leaning against the table she was in front of. She loaded a new search, looking for results of how many deaths related to said vigilante activity. There were quite a few, not to mention permanent disfigurations, comas, and people having been crippled. 

Hanji’s body sagged down. “Really, Eren? After all you went through with Heichou, this is what you’re doing?”

“And what is he doing?” Levi’s voice rang our from behind her.

Hanji jumped, having been too wrapped up in her thoughts to register the sound of Levi’s uneven walking and cane enter the room. Instead of responding, Hanji sent the links she had found to Levi’s phone.

Levi’s brow furrowed as he looked through the new information. “Are you sure?”

“I watched it happen,” Hanji pressed her lips into a line before she googled another search. One word. ‘Titan’. She sent Levi that link, too.

“So, he’s going by that, then,” Levi looked extremely displeased as information of a man known as ‘Titan’ flooded his phone. Including a bulletin from the police stating that if anyone had any information on this ‘Titan’ that they should report it immediately to the police. Levi sighed. “Hanji, call our contact in the police, at least we can get them off his back.”

Hanji frowned. “With all due respect, Heichou, I think we need to address this directly instead of just covering it up.” It was in this moment that Hanji realized that Levi looked so much older than she remembered him looking. He was leaning forward, scrolling on his phone with a furrowed brow, the majority of his weight supported on the better of his two legs and the cane that was now always with him. If she didn’t know better (as in she refused to believe it, being the same age as the man before her), she’d even say that she could spot a few gray hairs coming in. The enormous sigh he let out at her statement didn’t help.

“Meds,” he said quietly and Hanji handed them over without hesitation. After downing the pills and water, he looked at her. “We will, but first I want to make sure he doesn’t end up locked up. It’s easier to keep someone from going to jail than it is to get them out.”

Hanji nodded. “Yes, Heichou. I’ll go make that call now.”

Hanji retreated to the back of the lab as they both heard the front door open and close. Eren was home. Levi sighed again and limped his way to the dojo. He dropped his cane against the wall by the door and walked slowly towards the back of the dojo, careful not to lose his footing as he went. He drew two blades from the holder on the wall there, carefully aligning his body to begin a blade dance. These days, he managed to get about half way through what he used to consider a full dance, his lower half just unable to keep up with what he used to be able to do. Yet, he found pride in the fact that even if it wasn’t as long as the ones he used to do, it was during these moments, with short swords in his hands, that he could command his body to move correctly, unlike every other time he tried to. He danced out his frustration with his legs, his worry over Eren and his anger at Eren’s behavior.

“Despite it all, that’s a beautiful as ever,” Eren’s voice spoke from the doorway.

Levi stopped moving, then slowly made his way to the holders for his blades. Putting them back he turned back to Eren, the younger man meeting him part way, holding out his cane.

“Eren,” Levi looked up at his younger husband, taking the cane.

“Yes?” Eren smiled gently.

“I thought you didn’t want to be known as Titan,” Levi asked pointedly. After all, no one could ever claim Levi was particularly tactful.

Eren’s whole body stiffened. “Sometimes things change.”

“Deciding to go out and reek havoc until you get yourself killed isn’t generally what people mean by changes,” Levi replied curtly.

Eren scowled. Full on scowl and Levi could see the ‘other Eren’ as Hanji called him and immediately understood why she thought this frightening. Levi took half a step backwards. “I don’t need your approval.”

Eren turned on his heel and walked out of the room at such speed that Levi almost couldn’t get his body to move in time. He limped after Eren as fast as he could, quickly losing his breath and curing himself in every way he knew how in his mind.

“Eren!” Levi panted out, trying to catch up. Hanji popped her head out of the lab and looked almost terrified as Eren stormed passed her and then worried as she saw Levi trying to keep up behind him. It took her a few moments, but she got her mind working after they had both passed and followed them. It wasn’t until Eren had walked out of the front door, leaving it open that Levi’s body finally truly betrayed him and he collapsed to the ground, the cane skidding out a few feet in front of him. Levi openly cursed as his body collided harshly against the wood of the floor. Hanji ran up to him, helping him sit up and she looked on with absolute shock as Eren turned and fear and worry actually flashed on his face for a second before it hardened again and he climbed into the car, stating it and pulling away from the house.

“Fuck,” Levi growled and stood up again with Hanji’s help. “We’re going after him.”

Without being told twice, Hanji lifted Levi off the ground and full on ran him to the other car, nearly throwing him inside and then jumping in the driver’s seat. They peeled off after Eren, Levi feeling a particular fear filling his heart he hadn’t felt since Hanji had informed him that they had absolutely zero clues at where the MP had taken Eren over a year ago. Was he losing Eren again?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, guys, this is the last arc of this fic. Not going to lie, there's a good chance that there will be one to two more chapters before it's over. Buckle up, my lovelies.
> 
> I'm already writing another fic, but it has nothing to do with AOT, so I'm not sure it's going to interest most of the people reading this one once I get that one out. But, hey, you never know, so I figured I's mention it. It's going to be a Leverage/Yuri!!! on ice crossover fic because my roommate and I head cannoned it and we decided that it needed to be actually written and I was nominated as the writer.
> 
> See you next time!


	38. Chapter 38

Eren was speeding and Hanji was having trouble keeping up with him. It wasn’t that he was driving particularly well, just extremely recklessly, and Hanji was having problems making her brain follow those cues. She was hyperaware of her boss in the back seat and that she had to keep him safe, but that he would never forgive her if she lost Eren right now. When Eren ran the third red light, Hanji nearly stopped, but pushed through, just narrowly missing getting t-boned by the traffic going the other way.

“Heichou, I can’t keep this up,” Hanji said tensely, her heart beating out of her chest.

“You can and you will,” Levi said through clenched teeth.

Hanji glanced over her shoulder for a second, alarmed at how close Levi’s voice had been. Turning back to the windshield she relented. “If you expect me to do this, for the love of god, put on your seatbelt.”

There was silence for a second but she heard the click of the belt behind her. “Don’t lose him.”

“Yes, Heichou,” Hanji gritted her teeth and took a corner entirely too fast, feeling like the car was about to flip, but knowing she couldn't lose speed if she was to keep up with Eren.

Hanji slammed on the brakes. She watched in slow motion as Eren’s car was smashed into at the next intersection, positioned just right that it was hit by cars going both ways, spun out and to the side.

“No…” Levi whispered and threw off his seat belt, opening the back door to get out.

“Heichou, don’t move,” Hanji yelled, knowing that should there be worst case scenario, she wouldn’t be able to protect both Levi and Eren.

Hanji was out of the car in seconds as she watched Eren’s light up in flames. She ran forward and ripped open the driver’s side door, pulling Eren out and dragging him away from the burning car.

Levi met them at a safe distance. “You idiot, you idiot, you idiot,” Levi was muttering as he fell to his knees next to Eren and Hanji who was now doing CPR on Eren.

“Someone call 911,” Hanji shouted over her shoulder to the ever growing crowd behind her.

“Don’t leave me you big, dumb idiot,” Levi seemed like he was in shock, words spilling out of his mouth that Hanji was decently certain he wasn’t aware he was saying.

“Heichou, get back,” Hanji gently pushed Levi away as he slowly began to lean forward over Eren. “I need you to stay out of the way right now. I will help him.”

Hanji bit her lip. ‘Eren isn’t breathing’ her brain screamed as she tried to resuscitate the young man on the ground in front of her. At first glance, despite not breathing, Eren seemed remarkably undamaged. There was a huge gash on his head, though, right across his forehead, that was bleeding profusely and that concerned Hanji.

Levi looked at Hanji with panic in his eyes. She registered the sound of sirens in the distance and someone from the crowd saying “he just came out of no where, it’s not my fault, he ran the light.”

“Don’t look at him. Look at me. Have I truly failed you yet?” Hanji held Levi’s eyes as long as she could as she continued CPR. He shook his head weakly in response. “That’s right. I’ve always done what I said I was going to do. I’ve always held loyal to your crazy mind, even if my methods were not what you expected or it took me longer than you would have liked. I’m telling you now, Im going to make sure he doesn’t die. Do you believe me, Heichou?”

Levi nodded after a second, clinging to Hanji’s words. He sat back, letting Hanji continue to work. When the paramedics arrived, they replaced her as she took Levi’s face in her hands. “It’s going to be okay, Levi.”

“Hospital,” Levi said, the only thing he could think of through the panic.

Hanji nodded and turned to the paramedics who were loading Eren into the ambulance. “We are going to meet you at the hospital.”

The paramedic nodded and Hanji helped Levi up, leading him back to the car. Driving to the hospital in silence, Levi collapsed over in the back seat, seemingly broken down completely, Hanji cursed at herself in every language she knew (which is a surprising number her brain supplied). She hadn’t been wrong, she had never truly failed Levi, always done her job to the best of her ability no matter what the odds. But this wasn’t a situation she could control. This wasn’t something she should have staked Levis trust in her on. The last time she saw Eren, the young man still wasn’t breathing. She’d drawn Levi’s attention from him to keep the older man from fully breaking down in the street. For all she knew, they were pronouncing Eren dead in the ambulance. That promise, made in the heat of the moment could cost her her job, her life, and the trust of her oldest friend. She pulled into the hospital parking lot and screeched to a halt, turning in her seat to look at Levi. He was a mess. Hanji took a deep breath.

“Heichou, pull yourself together,” she said sternly. “We have to get out of this car now and go and see Eren and you have a reputation to uphold, but more than that, do you think your husband will want to see you like this?”

Hanji felt like a terrible person, knowing Levi had every right to be falling apart right now, but she hardened her exterior, knowing that he was not her friend, he was her boss and no matter what, if Levi was about to form full thoughts right now, he’d want to keep his reputation unscathed. And more than that, if Eren was alive—Hanji mentally crossed that out, she wasn’t about to let herself go down that road right now—if Eren woke up, he would hate seeing Levi like this, and guilty Eren wasn’t something Hanji wished to add to her list of problems right now.

Slowly, Levi pulled himself together. After a few minutes, the only sign that he had been absolutely wrecked in the back seat of the car not ten minutes before was the slight redness of his eyes. “I’m ready.”

Hanji nodded and climbed out of the car, pulling a spare cane from the trunk, glad Armin had suggested all the cars carry spares just in case because she hadn’t grabbed Levi’s usual one in the rush to keep up with Eren earlier.

Escorting Levi into the building, she lead him up to the front desk. “We are looking for Eren Jaeger. He would have come in on an ambulance from a car accident. Big cut on his head,” Hanji tried to keep her voice from wavering.

The girl clicked away on her computer and then looked up at them. “I’m sorry, but who are you to the patient?”

Hanji relaxed slightly. The girl said patient, which wasn’t a term generally used for someone who was no longer alive. “This is his husband, Levi Ackerman. I’m his secretary, Zoe Hanji.” Hanji internally laughed. She always thought that ‘secretary’ line was a little ridiculous, like anyone would believe she was a secretary. But in normal society, when Levi was just ‘Mr. Ackerman, CEO of _The Scouts_ ’, the company that ran all of Levi’s legitimate businesses, she, too, needed a title. And to be fair, he had offered to name her as COO, but she had waved it off as too much responsibility, leading her to be the so called secretary. Right now, though, she felt like she deserved a raise, at least.

The girl nodded. “If you’d just take a seat, there will be a doctor with you when they can.”

Hanji nodded and lead Levi to the bank of seats and plopped down into one next to Levi. She rested her elbows on her knees and buried her face into her hands, hating how familiar this setting was. Once this was all over and done with, she had the mind to lock both Levi and Eren in a room and never let them out again so those two reckless, dumb boys wouldn’t get themselves in any more potentially fatal trouble.

 


	39. Chapter 39

“Hanji…” Levi glanced over at her.

“Don’t you dare say you can’t do this and leave me here. I’M the one who can’t do this, not by myself, not again,” Hanji hissed without looking up. She froze, realizing that Levi didn’t actually know that Eren had left her in the waiting room alone, that he had no idea what she was talking about, and that she had just lashed out without any basis.

“I… I’m not going to leave here without knowing anything,” Levi looked confused for a second before his face slid into his usual blank expression.

“I know,” Hanji sighed and lifted her head. “This just feels too familiar and my big dumbass ditched me to take care of my little dumbass and I honestly do not get paid enough for this. If you paid me more, I might be able to afford all the stress relief I need and maybe some serious therapy because you both are going to drive me insane.”

Levi raised an eyebrow. “Big and little dumbasses?”

Hanji covered her mouth. “Clearly I don’t have a handle on what is coming out of my mouth right now, Heichou.” Her voice was slightly muffled.

Levi sat back in his seat and closed his eyes. “I’ll pay for you to go to a spa or whatever you want when you want to. I was just going to ask you if you were alright, you look more stressed than usual.”

Hanji almost laughed. The man that was in complete mental breakdown in the back of her car until she told him to pull it together was saying SHE looked stressed? “SERIOUSLY?” She said, a little too loud and then embarrassedly looked around at the other people in the waiting room.

Levi cracked an eye open and looked at her. “Yes.”

“Coming from you, that’s a little insulting, Heichou,” Hanji said.

Levi closed his eye again and seemed to be thinking for a few moments before he spoke again. “You’re right, you don’t have a firm grasp on your mouth at the moment.”

“Are you kidding?” Hanji muttered.

“I listened to my second in command. She told me that she wouldn’t let Eren die and as she said, she has never failed me before, so I chose to believe in her words,” Levi said after a few seconds. Then he opened his eyes and looked right at Hanji. “Though if she herself is doubting those words, perhaps my faith is misplaced.”

Hanji bit her lip. “No, Heichou, it isn’t.” Hanji begged whatever god there was that she wasn’t lying at this moment.

It was then that a doctor approached them. “Mr. Ackerman and Ms. Hanji?”

Hanji stood quickly, followed by Levi at a much slower pace as he placed his cane in front of him to support his weight. “Yes?”

“I’m not going to lie to you, I’m amazed Mr. Jaeger is as unscathed as he is. He has a few broken ribs and a sprained ankle, plus the cut on his head that was superficial. However, he appears to be asleep and we can’t seem to wake him,” the doctor spoke.

“Asleep?” Hanji asked.

“Comatose?” Levi asked at the same time, trying to clarify.

“From what we can tell, not comatose, Mr. Ackerman. Literally sleeping. We’ve been trying to wake him, but nothing has been successful. If you'd like to follow me, I can show you to his room,” the doctor turned to walk away briskly, but adjusted his pace when he noted Levi’s hindered walking.

Entering the room, Hanji bit her lip. “How do you know he’s not comatose?”

“That’s the thing, Ms. Hanji-“

“Just Hanji, please.”

“Pardon. Hanji. You see, usually a comatose person’s brain activity is relatively low. Like it’s been dampened, if you will. Mr. Jaeger’s brain appears to be more active than the average awake person,” the doctor explained.

Hanji nodded and then caught sight of Levi out of the corner of her eye. He was limping forward, towards Eren in the bed. Stopping next to the bed, he looked down at Eren for a full minute. “You’re an moron, driving so recklessly. You know I don’t know how to talk to people. You should have just punched me like the last time I was an idiot, instead of storming out. I’d take another black eye any time as compared to this, and don't you dare say you can’t punch a man with a limp or something like that, because I bet I can still kick you ass,” Levi dropped his cane and climbed up onto the bed with Eren, cradling the younger man against him. “Now wake up so I can yell at you properly.”

Hanji smiled gently. “Doctor, if you don't mind,” she said gently turning the man away from the couple, leading him out of the room.

 

_``~`**`~``_

 

“Heichou, It’s been three days, please rest. If you go back to the house to sleep for at least a few hours, I’ll stop bothering you for another three days,” Hanji put her hands on her hips.

“I don’t want to leave him alone,” Levi replied, stifling a yawn.

Hanji sighed. “Just sleep here, then! You don’t have to be awake. Just being here is enough.”

Levi looked at her for a few seconds and then nodded. “Fine. I’ll sleep here. But stay here so someone is awake incase Eren opens his eyes.”

Hanji nodded and sat in a chair next to the bed. Levi could have sworn he heard her mutter under her breath “sleep little dumbass” but he decided not to call her on it. After all, he found it a little funny she called him and Eren little and big dumbasses in her mind (and now accidentally to his face), even if he would never tell her that.

Several hours had Hanji dozed off as well. It wasn’t until then that one of the three occupants stirred. Eren blinked, his mind racing as he looked around the room, seeing Hanji flopped back in the chair by the bed and Levi curled peacefully next to him. It hurt to breathe, but that was hardly important to him right now. Eren shook Levi’s shoulder.

Levi’s eyes shot open. “Eren?” He breathed, looking up into the soft green eyes.

“Hey, love,” Eren smiled at Levi.

“How are you feeling?” Levi sat up.

Eren shook his head as Hanji stirred, and leapt up. “Eren!”

He looked between the two of them for a few seconds and then laughed. “I have a headache the size of a small continent, it hurts to breathe, and I couldn’t be happier than I am right now.”

“…What?” Hanji asked.

Eren’s eyes twinkled. “January 4, 2010. The first time I ever laid eyes on you as I was coming home from classes. That day I had accidentally taken the wrong street and was somewhere I’d never been before. First I saw Mikasa and went to call out to her, but then I saw you behind her and I was so shocked that I couldn’t say anything. October 12, 2010. The first day I had enough confidence to talk to you after having seen you almost every day for months, because after all, I had to take that new route home to see such a cutie with such deep eyes, didn’t I? February 10, 2011. You spoke to me for the first time instead of pretending I didn’t exist. July 23, 2011. You finally agreed to go out with me. Elated wouldn’t even begin to describe how I felt. December 25, 2011. I saw you smile for the first time. It was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. April 22, 2013. You let me move in with you. I was like a puppy who was just told he was being adopted. September 2, 2014. You agreed to marry me, even though I thought you were kinda mad at the time because I just walked into a room I wasn't supposed to be in. May 12, 2015. We got married in the backyard. Hanji cried. She also looked fabulous in that pants suit and was your best man, which I spent a significant amount of time giggling about. February 20, 2016. I was taken from you. Then, my brain erased everything it knew about you to protect you because I knew that if I remembered, they would break me. June 1, 2016. You came for me, just like I knew you would before I forgot it all,” Eren took a deep breath.

Levi gaped at him. Hanji flopped back down into the chair.

“Do… You… I… Eren, you remember?” Levi asked quietly.

“You, good sir, are a damn liar,” Eren giggled, instead of responding directly.

“What?” Levi blinked, still trying to process.

Eren’s eyes twinkled as he glanced at Hanji and then leaned forward and whispered in Levi’s ear so she wouldn’t hear. “I believe you told me that I wasn’t the one to be fucked in our bed, hmmmm?”

Levi turned bright red and looked down at the bed. “I-I… yeah.”

“By that reaction alone, I know what you said. Why do you think I told you he really loves you, Eren?” Hanji giggled at Levi’s obvious embarrassment. “But I hate to minimize the fact that you remember everything which I totally want to know how, but how do you remember all of those dates?? That’s so insanely specific.”

Eren laughed. “Each one of those were important days to me in one way or another.”

“Do you remember everything?” Levi asked. “Or just those days? …And the fact that I lied…”

Eren smiled at him. “I remember everything, I think.”

Levi smiled back, a full, happy smile. “It’s good to have you back. All of you.”

“Oh, Levi,” Eren sighed. “I was never fully gone. I may have forgotten you, but I can never forget you. Not really. I might not have known what the feelings meant, but I loved you even when I didn’t recognize you.”

“I know,” Levi whispered. “I love you.”

“And I love you, forever and always, my love.”


	40. The World's Shortest Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written mostly for my own satisfaction, but I thought you guys might want to see it too.

The doctor explained that as Eren had hit his head, he could have jogged the memories out from where he had them locked away. The sleeping could just have been his mind overwhelmed by the vast amount of information he had received, inducing the sleep to process it all.

Seven years later, Levi was pestered into signing some papers (grudgingly to anyone who didn’t know him well, but Eren could tell he was just as excited on the inside as Eren was on the outside). He participated willingly and with uncharacteristically high enthusiasm to everything that came after. That was the first adoption of three that Eren and Levi did together.

Twenty years after that, Levi retired, their oldest taking over the business, much to Levi’s grumbling. Eren was proud of her, and Levi secretly was, too.

Forty years later, Eren and Levi passed away in their sleep, together. Hanji joked to their children, who called her aunt since they were adopted, that it was because they wouldn’t let anything separate them ever again at the funeral. She also had a plaque made to rest between their graves (of course they were buried side by side) that read, ‘And on the day God met a Titan, the world was forever changed.’ Because she knew that at least for her, it was. And she knew that there were three kids that would probably agree with her. She followed them less than a year later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your support. See you in the next universe. <3 :D


End file.
